Every Sunday my father-in-law is guaranteed to visit (he lives about an hour-drive away). He's told us to assume he's going to be there, but just to be sure we told him to call. Sometimes we ignore his calls on Sunday morning in hopes he'll not come, but he'll come anyway!
He's coming to visit my children (two-year old twins), and we love that he wants to do this, but at the same time, my wife and I would like our Sunday afternoons once in awhile. We always feel like we have to entertain him and feed him dinner.
Don't get me wrong, we love that he wants to spend time with his grandchildren that much, so whatever we do, we want to say it nicely!
What can I do?
2007-02-27 09:31:37 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
just break it to him nicley and not in a mean way
2007-02-27 09:38:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He sounds like a man who is lonely. Did he recently lose his wife? The only way to approach this is to be honest and up front with him. Have your wife talk to him. Schedule 2 weekends a month that he can come over to visit. These are set in stone and you have to be willing to have him all day. Maybe on one of the Sundays he could be left alone with the twins for a few hours and you and your wife could go on a date. I know that is very needed when you have one 2 year old, I can't imagine having 2. On one Sunday a month your family is alone for a Sunday. No grandpa. Try some kind of plan like this. Maybe you could him find a senior center or get him a dog. Be gentle, I'm sure that he will understand the need to be a family for one Sunday.
Good luck
2007-02-27 09:43:35 · answer #2 · answered by Mike E 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Call him first and tell him you need some time together once a month. Every week is too much, but he's now in a routine. So, set, say, the first Sunday of the month for yourselves, and stick to it. I know you need time to relax together, but even to break this and not feel guilty, you might need to establish that you are out to callers by doing this for a couple of days. Don't you guys ever go out to a park or take a trip, for example?
Grin. if all else fails, offer to tune up his vehicle on the Saturday ; )
I'm picking the first Sunday as he might find there are perfectly respectable groups that meet then, (after payday!) and he could accept that this is now what he does on that day, instead of intruding. He is, you know. I guess when you were dating, you didn't call to her home expecting dinner every Sunday, did you? Set some boundaries! It might widen his social circle too. Surely you are concerned that he never meets anyone of his own generation?
2007-02-27 09:44:39 · answer #3 · answered by WomanWhoReads 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sound like he is lonely. When he finally passes away and leaves this plain. These will no longer be a bothersome memory, it will become fond memories... " of him coming down every weekend to visit the kids, we would make dinner, and ENJOY the time we get to spend in his company." Don't take this time for granted life is too short. You have your kids for 6 days out of seven, if you can't find some other time to spend with the children in those six days then it has nothing to do with you wanting to have time with your kids on Sunday afternoon, what about doing it on a Saturday afternoon instead.
2007-02-27 10:16:47 · answer #4 · answered by ricepat2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is perfectly understandable that you want your Sundays to yourself and don't need to accept uninvited company.
Your FIL has no idea that he is being rude. Think about where your responsibility lies here. You are letting him invade your space. Be honest and let him know that he has to call first. Next Sunday leave and he will get the hint. Even if he has to drive 2 hours to learn his lesson he will get it.
If he gets angry it is not your fault, you can't control how he reacts. But be on the same page with your wife about your plan so one of you doesn't back out, allowing your FIL in and letting the other look like the bad guy.
2007-02-27 09:40:02 · answer #5 · answered by ciao_gina 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey, listen just a minute to the voice of wisdom. Be gone next Sunday. When you are asked where you where, say it was "special and Private" and giggle or what the hell it takes.
Then do that around every Other Sunday!!
Your father-in-law has WAY too much leverage in your affairs and if you are Not accepting Money from Him Hmmmm???? Are You??? No???
Then he is controlling your adult life and he must be stopped. Break his habit just like you were your own psychologist, because that is precisely who you are. Do it Now!! You don't have to be hateful to take your life back!!
2007-02-27 10:24:24 · answer #6 · answered by Dovey 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Try letting him take the twins out. A Sunday outing will be good for them to spend time together, and then you and your wife can get some good alone time. Even if he just takes them to the park for an hour or two everyone will benefit from it. If it is raining, he can take them to a museum, or a mall.Try offering a little variation.
2007-02-27 09:49:49 · answer #7 · answered by lilly j 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i HAD the same problem as you. it is really no nice way to let him down easy. you're more than likely going to offend him anyway you do it. i started by taking trips and planning activities for my family where we would be no where to be found. if you do this to him a couple of times, he should start getting the message. especially if he's just popping up without any communication. that's quite a drive to have to just turn around and so he will start to think about it before he just comes. even pop up on him sometimes telling him that you were headed somewhere and stopped by for a second. the way he probably interprets it now is that he knows you guys are going to be home no matter what. you've got to prove him wrong and let him know that you have a life.
2007-02-27 09:41:42 · answer #8 · answered by d. w 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Great... next Sunday when he calls... tell him you were looking forward to his call.. you and your wife have been invited to _______ ____________ and you were hoping he was available to babysit.
Maybe after an hour or 2 without you 2 running interferrence for him.. He might feel the need for a break for a Sunday or 2.
A gentle Nudge.. Or.. it might work out well enough that you 2 could really have your Sunday to do something fun..... give it a shot.
2007-02-27 09:45:03 · answer #9 · answered by larsgirl 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your wife is going to have to talk to him at some point if you don't want to offend him. Can he take the kids on the weekend every once in a while? Or is there an alternate day he can visit? Other than that, you are stuck.
2007-02-27 10:09:52 · answer #10 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i see both sides to the story...been there done that!
ok here's what you do...call him...tell him you really love it that he's taken to the kids so well and loves them so much...and you 2 really need to spend some time alone together free of kids and if he would be such a hero and take the kids on a saturday night and you two can pick them up at his house sunday evening...see where this is going? ;-) good luck my friends
2007-02-27 09:50:39 · answer #11 · answered by m37734 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋