My step son'smother lets him do what he wants and....?

Question

I don't argee, I am sure a lot of people don't. She make $85,000.00 a year and she has custody of my husbands son. He is 12, he is about 75 lbs over wieght, eats and drinks whatever and whenever he wants - we are talking about acohol too. She smokes pot and let's other people do it in her home to, right in front of him. I think he shouldn't be exposed to this stuff and that he should have guide lines on what and when he eats - come on what 12 year old boy isn't going to eat lots of junk food all the time? He has no bed time either. This is a very sore subject in our house because I think that his father should do something, and since he won't how do I help this kid without looking like the evil step mother or the new jealous wife? That is how I feel, that he need's help, thatis all, he is just a kid......help?

Answer 1

From one step mom to another..Let it alone. Do the best you can when he is with you and let her do whatever it is she does. TRUST me. My step-son is now 14 about to be 15. His mother is the same as you have described minus the income. My husband and I have just finished a long long 6 year court battle for custody. After $25,000 and six years..guess where he lives...with his mother. The justice system for children absiolutely is unjust. He is neary failing out of schiool and lord knows what else. Unfortunately, our childrens lives are placed in the hands of total stranger who call themselves judges. We have a custody evaluator STRONGLY suggest to the court that he needed to be with us and ya see how well that worked. It's a joke and unless he is on deaths door there's nothing you can do about it. Worrying yourself all the time is only going to cause you to loose precious time with the rest of your family. Do the best you can with him while he is with you and hopefully he will see where the best place for him is and make that decision on his own. In my state that's @ 16 years old. Good luck! :)

Answer 2

Tell her about herself and if nothing is done then you shold investigate. Most people can't afford a P. I. so do it yourself. Take pictures, voice record her saying things(and your step son stating her drinks over there), and keep a log. Whenever you think you have a strong case... tell her that you are getting a lawyer for what is going on because what they are doing is not in the best interest of the child. And if nothing is done in a month bring them to court. That's what I would do. I am a step mom of a baby and the mother is a thrashy whore(three different "baby daddies).

Answer 3

Its her choice how to raise her child. However, smoking pot is illegal and so is allowing a minor to drink. You have something of a moral dilemma because you know these things are happening and should report them to protect the kid. Tough decision but I think you already know the right answer is to report it.

For the rest, how the ex runs her house is her business, how you run your house is your business and you have every right to establish and enforce rules in your house. It might be a fight at first but it beats the long term negatives if you don't stand your ground now. Matters will only get worse.

Yes, it is going to make you seem the evil step mother. But you are not trying to make friends, you are trying to protect a child.

Answer 4

Hey, out there, same same here. Just remember, you can't change someone's actions, you can only change your REaction!

My husband and I agree the only thing we can do is demonstrate a different way of family life and parenting in our home, and not alter our parental expectations or responsibilities to suit the child. He has gradually become accustomed to the differences between the two homes and now prefers ours with its structure, rules, standards and expectations, because he also knows in our home he receives our complete support, caring, love and guidance. He's never left to raise himself...

I understand if you choose not to involve authorities. In our case, if we did, the birth mother would just find excuses for the child to never be available for visits/access again - she's done it before. So because we don't want to completely lose our chance to have an effect on this child's life, we choose to turn a blind eye to her psychological abuse and neglect and do what we can to be the best we can be for him when he's over.

Answer 5

i would be calling children's services.
The fact that a 12 year old is drinking alcohol and smoking pot is totally wrong!
A 12 year old going these things can seriously harm the brain, as its still developing.
Do it annonamosly?
This is a very dangerous situation for the child to be in

Answer 6

As alcohol (for a minor) and pot (for everybody) are illegal substances, I wonder if your husband might not be able to take her to court and either have his son tested to prove that he's being allowed to have these things and/or have HER tested to prove that she's using.

Answer 7

Its her child.

Unfortunately its her choice. But sounds like one of those people that doesn't deserve children.