who should i hate?

Question

my mother was sent to a asylum when i was 7. my father and older sister told me she was dead. now 20 years later she comes back. only now with another family- 2 daughters and a ex husband. my husband says i should let it go. what would you do? i am furious at my sister, sam and my parents is this right? i also hate my "new" sisters charly and marciella.

Answer 1

life happens, lies get told to protect people, the past is the past. your mom had to leave, u don't know her reasons she left, or what was happening in her life. had your mom stayed with u maybe your life would have been a miserable one. they told u that for your own protection because they loved u, silly girl. let it go, talk to mom if u can find out the truth, forgive your mom, she was mentally ill, and maybe could not help what happened. get over it, don't live in bitterness. people don't really choose to be mentally ill, i am sure if they really had a choice it might have been different.

Answer 2

Sounds like you have a lot of questions that need answers and no one is willing to provide those answers. I would certainly say that you deserve more than just a let it go from any of them. Was she actually sent to an asylum or did they just say that? Why would anyone tell a child their mother was dead when that fact was obviously not true? Was the truth so difficult for them to face that a lie of this magnitude seemed a better choice? I cannot imagine why? She is obviously not dead nor is she in an asylum. Did she choose not to return to your family of her own choice? Why? Did she not return because she was told not to? Why hasn't she made contact with you all of these years? I would start asking questions of all of them and not stop until I had the answers that satisfied me. You need closure and answers here too and even though my opinion is based solely on the brief explanation you have given it seems that you are the only one who is not privy to the real truth and you certainly deserve that much no matter if they think you do or not. However, as for hating your new sisters Charly and Marciella, don't blame them for what they had no control over and perhaps had no knowledge of. They cannot be faulted for your mother's past mistakes as they neither caused them nor were they around to have had influence over the outcome. You might be denying yourself a beautiful relationship with the very people who could help you fill in the blanks of the mystery you have unfolded and they might just be willing to offer you the comfort and support you have not received anywhere else. You will never know unless you try. I understand it is easy to resent them for having had a life with the mother who appears to have abandoned and forgotten you, but until you have the answers as to what and why this all happened please do not be guilty of the same thing they have done to you and that is to assume you know when in actuality you just need someone to finally care enough to tell you the truth and be there to catch you when you fall. You have just found out you have two more sisters.
That is a gift no matter how it came to be and they shouldn't be faulted for how they came to be in this world as they had no control over the circumstances surrounding past lives of a mother they too have just learned is not the person they have always believed her to be. They may just be as confused and angry as you and you could be there for each other. Ask questions, it is your right to know.

Answer 3

wow that's a tough situation, i'm sorry your having to go through all of these emotions..have you considering seeing a therapist as a way of venting your anger? Talking to someone helps. I don't think anyone would expect you to just be ok with it all..I think your husband just hates seeing you so annoyed and thinks if he tells you to "let it go" it will help. I don't think you should hate your father or older sister, they were trying to protect you, altho i completely understand why you are angry and they really shouldn't have gone to the extreme of saying she was dead...but sometimes we do what we think is best at the time and then live to regret it and that's possibily how your dad and sister feel. Did your dad and sister no about the other family? Perhaps they are in shock and feeling angry too? If you have to be angry at someone let it be your mum for not being there when you needed her..however she wants to make it up now, so perhaps your going to have to forgive as a way of healing urself?? It takes a stronger person to forgive honi, give it time. You don't have to like your sisters...but have they done anything wrong really?
Take time to think about it, its a lot to cope with and im sure your doing as well as you can at the moment!
best of luck xxx

Answer 4

Hate is a waste of time on your part, hate will get you NO where but older quicker. Find out the true reason you were lied to and you don't have to have anything to do with the siblings that you never knew existed until now. You are a grown woman and if you don't want to have anything to do with them then don't. You may be better off that way. Don't hate your sister and father, find out the if there was a valid reason. You may need to find a professional to help you sort things out. Don't dredge up the past, it can hurt, continue on with your future.

Answer 5

I don;t think you should hate anyone, personally... If anyone I would be mad okay furious with the people that lied to you...your dad and oldest sister... then you'll need to accept things as they are... Did your parents divorce before or after your mom was in the asylum? Take this time to get to know your mom and your half sisters... Family is Family no matter what has happened...hope you find it in your heart to forgive and accept.

Answer 6

right or wrong I think your family was trying to protect you at the time never realizing it would come back to haunt them. As for the new sisters there are no rules that say you have to like these strangers that have been thrust upon you. Ask mom if she had time and energy enough to marry and have more kids- why didnt she find you and give you the peace of mind you needed. Blood really counts for nothing when the person lets go until they decide to come around and cause such havoc

Answer 7

You have a right to be mad that is true. But it seem that you should not make yourself available to the new family members if you simply don't like them. But you just have to figure out how to keep your distance and maintain so type of frieandship. They are you family. But fammily is not always good. Just go with the flow and do what your heart tells you. Hate them all they were wrong for telling you that. But don't let it affect your attitude with the overall family situation. Do what you feel is right by all the fact you have. I hope things get better.

Answer 8

You shouldn't hate anybody, hate eats you up and makes you grow bitter. Turn that rage into a constructive emotion and put yourself into your families shoes. They likely fibbed to you about your mother because they did not understand exactly what would happen to her once she was placed in the asylum, so in an attempt to protect you from the hurt of seeing her in such a place, they thought it best to severe the ties. Your mother likely did not know how to re-enter a relationship with you and your siblings so moved on in hopes of being able to cope. Hating your half sisters does you no good, they did not know of the circumstances and were not in control of being concieved. Forgive those who hurt you with the lies, try to open your mind to the fact that they didn't want to cause you pain and allow yourself to be free of the hate. I agree with your husband, move on.

Answer 9

Hate is such an ugly word, maybe you are frustrated or confused because everything happened so quickly. You should demand an explanation to your family and not just "let it go". Ask your dad and sister why they lied, and ask your mom why she´s coming back after so long and with a new family. And also give your new sisters a chance, you just met them. And don´t make choices without thinking first.

Answer 10

I wouldn't hate anyone. Maybe your father told you that your mother was dead to protect you. He probably wasn't sure she would get out of the asylum. I wouldn't hate your new sisters either. The situation is not their fault.

Try to get along and make the best with your new family.

Answer 11

First off, your father and sister were wrong to tell you she was dead. Your mother had no clue that they did that, so you shouldn't be mad at her for that. Your new sisters, heck, you should hate them. They got to spend the time with your mother that was taken away from you. Like I said, you shouldn't hate your mom, but you should tell your sister and father that you are furious with them for telling you that your mother was dead. They may have been trying to protect you, but really they only hurt you more.