Christian jokes any one.?

Question

any aere good

Answer 1

I have a few

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him. An angel heard his plea and appeared to him.

"Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."

The man begged the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continued to pray that his wealth could follow him.

The angel reappeared and informed the man that God had decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathered his largest suitcase and filled it with pure gold bars and placed it beside his bed. Soon afterward, he died and showed up at the gates of heaven to greet St. Peter.

St. Peter, seeing the suitcase, said, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"

The man explained to St. Peter that he had permission and asked him to verify his story with the Lord.

Sure enough, St. Peter checked it out, came back and said, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."

St. Peter opened the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaimed, "You brought pavement?"






AND



A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I'm not an atheist."

Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?"

"I'm a Christian."

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Christian.

"Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly.

"What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

She paused, and smiled. "Then," says Lucy, "I'd be an atheist."




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The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears several confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand."

The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, and I understand, how did you feel about that?"

The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, 'No way! What happened next?'"

Answer 2

Whats the difference between the Pharisees and Sadducees?
The Pharisees believe in salvation and angels so they are fair you see.
The Sadducees don't believe in either one so they are sad you see.


How do you know Paul was from the south?
He said "I am glad I speak in tounges more than ye all".

Answer 3

no longer undesirable. attempt this one my mothers pastor despatched her whilst she grow to be interior the wellbeing center. a guy suffered a severe heart attack and had bypass surgical operation. He wakened to discover himself interior the care of nuns at a Catholic wellbeing center. As he grow to be recuperating, a nun asked how he grow to be going to pay the bill. He replied, in a raspy voice, "No scientific wellbeing coverage." The nun asked if he had money interior the financial enterprise. He replied, "No money interior the financial enterprise." The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who ought to assist you to?" He reported, "in basic terms a spinster sister, who's a nun." The nun, extremely perturbed, reported, "Nuns are no longer spinsters! Nuns are married to God." The affected person replied, "Then deliver the bill to my brother-in-regulation."

Answer 4

No but for some good clean christain comedy check out the show "Bananas".

http://www.bananascomedy.com/

Answer 5

Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked.

"This woman was found committing adultery, and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded.

"Wait," yelled Jesus. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

Suddenly, a stone was thrown from out of the sky, and knocked the woman on the side of her head.

"Aw, c'mon, Dad..." Jesus cried, "I'm trying to make a point here!"

Answer 6

Go to www.beliefnet.com then to the joke of the day. tons of great ones.

Answer 7

kind a kidzy joke...

what kind of keys did Noah use for his Ark?

answer:Donkeys and Monkeys