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Fish Scales

Beneath a summer sky
silver scaled,
shimmering,
a fish
is caught and pulled up
gasping for air
and a few scales
wet, silvery disks
fall
and land
on the hard wood planks
glinting
under the summer sun.
At night
beneath a crescent moon
lay the white fish scales
dried by the sun
scattered by the wind
alone
on the abandoned pier.

2007-02-27 08:26:03 · 5 answers · asked by Firefly 5 in Education & Reference Other - Education

I can't change the title...That's what my english teacher wants the poems to be called.

2007-02-27 08:33:14 · update #1

5 answers

I think that this is a solid, beautiful poem. The imagery is simple and evocative. I especially like "silver-scaled / shimmering" and "wet, silvery disks". Lovely. You have also done a good job of contrasting the day and night, bringing the poem full circle. The last lonely image of the drying fish scales is a really nice touch.

A suggestion: change "glinting" to glints to provide more immediacy.

Also, consider slightly altering the last few lines:
"At night
beneath a crescent moon
the white (maybe grey or metallic?) fish scales
lie dried by the sun
alone
on the abandoned pier"

"lie" instead of lay gives immediacy
"scattered by the wind" might be a little too much -- I think that the line is stronger without it.

Hope this helps. I'm sure you'll get an "A".

2007-02-27 08:45:29 · answer #1 · answered by jstar28 1 · 0 0

Very good.

You might leave out the word fish and make the reader figure out that you are talking about fish scales instead of giving it to them.

Maybe ever consider renaming your poem.

Just a thought.

2007-02-27 08:32:10 · answer #2 · answered by Silly Girl 5 · 0 0

I am not really into poetry, but I have to say that I like this poem very much. Your English Teacher should be proud of you !

2007-02-27 08:43:51 · answer #3 · answered by raufrunter24 1 · 0 0

Very nice!

2007-02-27 08:34:03 · answer #4 · answered by random_synchronicity 3 · 0 0

I like it. Good imagery.

2007-02-27 08:32:26 · answer #5 · answered by lisaabc513 2 · 0 0

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