Serious responses only! My boyfriend and I are both in our 40's; he's younger than me, we've both been divorced; been together about a year-living together for most of that time. When we were first dating, he was somewhat romantic; now he barely is --and here's the delicate part -- I seem to be more experienced sexually, than he is--I'm able to satisfy him, no problem. I've tried to encourage him to touch me in the ways I like, but each time I try, he gets defensive, and I end up feeling frustrated. He's a very sweet guy otherwise -- actually, very affectionate in terms of kisses, hugs, etc. and is always there when I need him. But, he doesn't seem to find me "desirous" "attractive" -- he can touch me, but without much passion. I want him to "want me", and I'm at a loss as to how to go about it, so that he becomes enthused about our love life. He does have some arthritis in his hips, which does affect his mobility; I've offered to try different positions; he doesn't want to even try.
2007-02-27 08:08:44 · 11 answers · asked by ahsante 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
this is going to sound crass, but try a sexual position video, watch it by yourself first, then show him what you want to try.
he may just be intimidated because he has not done that before but seeing the mechanics of it may help (that and i do not know a guy that does not get turned on watching)
2007-02-27 08:14:50 · answer #1 · answered by tigweldkat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how you are trying to encourage him to cause him to get defensive, however, have you tried encouragement with sounds instead of words? For instance, he touches you a certain way, and you moan or somehow with a sound let him know you are enjoying that touch? Please consider sitting down and talking with him, without defensive attitudes, and be open and honest with each other, without put downs, talk this over? If not, or even if you do, and it still needs work, maybe consider counseling? Or has he talked with his dr. about a pain reliever for the arthritis ? I wish you the best. Take care.
2007-02-27 08:20:03 · answer #2 · answered by SAK 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi
Maybe you and your bf need a night on the town to release some tension or you can prepare a sexy evening for the two of you . Take a bath by candle light , rub him down in some hot oil . By him having arthritis , it maybe painfull for him to give you the range of motion that you desire . Get you some sexy nighties and let the imagination soar .
Talk to him about this and see what happens .
Take care
C
2007-02-27 08:20:21 · answer #3 · answered by Constance M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men are very very defensive about their sexual prowess. This is a delicate subject as you said. Remember that most sexual attraction starts between the ears not south of the belt buckle. To get him to be more passionate about you, you'll have to find the right words atmosphere and actions that get him hot for you before you even hit the sheets. This is trial and error. Pay attention to his moods in different situations and when you are in bed. Sooner or later you'll find it. Good luck.
2007-02-27 08:19:01 · answer #4 · answered by mjm52 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
...Wow!!!...here you are in your prime time...and your guy simply complains of his arthritis? He's sort of romantic with you...but kinda not romantic too? Honey?....I think he needs to sit down with you and converse civilly about what his real problems are in relationship to romancing you a little bit properly darling. Most guys would give up a left nut to be living sexually and honestly with you darling. So what's his real excuse truly? Maybe a trip to the doctors office might help. Underlying physical problems could be to blame sweetie. men go through a menopausal moment in their lives too darling. let's not hope it's something worse though. Arrange a day for him to go see his doctor. It might be he's not feeling well otherwise.
2007-02-27 08:20:54 · answer #5 · answered by scott s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's difficult for a lot of men ,especially those that come from a family that never showed a lot of open love.they lack the knowledge from a father that didn't take time to talk to his son. it will take time and patience on your part ,don't push or seem over bearing talk about what you both want ,feel and like. as for his arthritis ,he will be in a lot of pain, as you said, try to use diff.positions that won't hurt so much ,the pain will deter from having good pleasure. be patient.
2007-02-27 08:26:31 · answer #6 · answered by skip3800 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess this is something we learn about each other as we go. Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship, but it is important that both partners feel fulfilled. If he is not willing to continue to be romantic as he was in the beginning and is not willing to learn how to please you, you may want to rethink the relationship or see if he is willing to get some conselling for this. Try to explain to him that you are not saying he doesn't know what he is doing, just that you like it different then he is used to. Men and their egos!!
2007-02-27 08:15:02 · answer #7 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds stubborn or embarrassed about it. No enthusiasm on variety of sex. Maybe he'll open up romantically when he feels the time is right. And if I were him, and you were willing to try different positions, I hope you take yoga classes. Give him time.
2007-02-27 08:19:55 · answer #8 · answered by Mike 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two words: Lazy Lover! Over look it if he's a great guy other wise. Good luck!
2007-02-27 08:13:26 · answer #9 · answered by luv2bake 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes you need to give yourself what you wished you were getting... he is a package just like you.....some good and some dislikes in all... manage it or pick another..
you can never make someone DESIRE you.
They do or they don't! make sure YOU are Desiring yourself.
2007-02-27 08:16:46 · answer #10 · answered by Life Coach 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋