My husand and I have been together for 5 years total, he has a 9 yr old daughter from his first marriage.?

Question

His exwife gave him custody of his daughter once she found out we were together. She does not pay child support (she won't work) or help in any way with their daughter. We have full responsibility for her, I mainly take care of her because her dad work 2 jobs. However, her mother has the right to see her or call her whenever she wants if she wants to, and when she is sick I am the one that has to take care of her. She might call to see how she feels when she is told that she is sick. I can't help but feel a little upset that we have the full responsibility of the child and the mother has no responsibilities at all. While I am taking care of her sick child, she is care free. How do I not let this bother me to the point where I get so frustrated. I know that her mother is not a good role model for the child and lives with several different men, however, I still get ill thinking that I have her responbilities and she can play mom when it is convenient for her.

Answer 1

You may not know it now, but someday you will get your reward. That little girl puts all her trust in you and in turn when you are mothering her and loving her, you are being a real mother. That little girl will not forget that. Continue to treat her as if she is your child. You won't regret it. Please don't hold any grudges because if you do, you will end up taking it out on the child. This child deserves the best and you seem to be giving it to her. You're giving her a good home and remember, your rewards will be coming when she has grown up.

Answer 2

She can Play mom all she wants, but in the end it's you who the child will look up to and feel for. The rewards of raising a child are not always seen until they are older. You have taken on the role of her mother and will be the one she comes to for advice and to talk over problems with. I know it's hard taking on the responsibility of another persons child, but you did marry her father and therefore, she is part of your family. Just remember that this little girl will always be grateful to have had you as her "mother".

Answer 3

I'm not trying to be a bit*ch here, but you knew you were going to play some sort of Mom role to her when you married her father. Your husband must trust you completely to allow you to care for his child, and this little girl probably loves you a great deal, just think of it this way, it will pay off in the end, when she comes to you for advice in her teens and 20's and not her own mother. Would you rather the child be exposed to who knows what if the mother is living with different men all the time, at least at your home she is safe. It is a huge responsibility to care for a child, but you chose this life for yourself and this little girl needs you.

Answer 4

i understand how you feel its not right for this woman to be able to fall into and out of this childs life on her whims but fact is fact and this child needs to feel stable and not be made a burden for you to bare talk to your husband he has to know how you are feeling and try to come up with a plan to have him be more helpful understanding him working 2 jobs makes it hard but why not have him quit one job and you go to work to bring in another income then the 2 of you will share the raising of this little girl as well as the stress of supporting your family if the mother is living such a wild life right now she is in no way able to take care of this little girl it wouldnt be safe for the child

Answer 5

You have been Mom for her and that the face that the woman that gave birth to her dose not really care about this little girl and going to family court and get some child suport this would help the child and the things she need.

Answer 6

I would take it as a good thing, as you said, she's not a good role model, would you want her learning the ways of life from her mom? If she's not willing to pay support, I would ask her to sign her rights over, and you could legally adopt her.

Answer 7

What worked for me was to stop focusing on her and start focusing on the children. I have two stepsons who live with us and get visitation with their bio mom. I do get frustrated and angry at her but most of the time I can redirect myself and let it go. The children are the innocent ones and they need all of the love they can get.

Answer 8

the indisputable fact which you're taking such time to devise this i think of is unquestionably cool and your daughter will take excitement in that extra advantageous than any modern. yet so some distance as that subject count is going, i could opt for to get one fairly stable modern from my father and mom-something i individually needed and then my acquaintances could provide me each and all of the smaller presents in the event that they chosen to realize this. It relies upon on no count in the experience that your daughter is extra of an introvert or extrovert. i individually am extra of an introvert so if somebody became into throwing me a social gathering, i could like it to be extra own with in comparison to, a gazillion human beings there. it would be lovable in case you may desire to lease a affordable rec/community center and function an particularly cool dance with of path all her popular track and a 2nd in the time of the evening to honor her and probably also have a great impressive outfit waiting for her to grow to be while she have been given there. And sixteen twelve months olds nonetheless love having close eye events so having all her closest acquaintances over for the evening and function the placement precise adorned with possibly some cool activities waiting for them in the event that they needed. The in the morning breakfast for each individual on a similar time as they living room could be impressive and because she is sixteen I guess she could opt for to in basic terms pass out along with her acquaintances so possibly provide her a pair of dollars and if she would not force then supply to take her and her acquaintances everywhere they opt for. Or as yet another present concept, if she is involved in getting her license then you could make an appointment for her to pass write her try or tell her which you will pay for it while she is waiting and probably even commence a vehicle fund once you compromise to offer plenty each and each month if she does specific issues...then this is like the present that in the time of no way stops giving. i be responsive to this is complicated to be inventive in recent times, possibly her acquaintances could have some suggestions too.

Answer 9

treat your step daughter as your own and she'll be grateful to you when she grows up. stop thinking of her as someone else's daughter. think of her as a miracle daughter that didn't need you to give birth to, no pain and skip diaper changes, no mid-night feedings, etc.