Okay here is a weird one for you..my fiance and I are due to be married 10.20.07 and I really can't wait to have a BIG family. I want at least 4 kids. How soon, is too soon to start making a family? How do we know if we're financially able? Should we be married and be together before bring a little one in our lives...or will that bring us closer?
2007-02-27 07:52:50 · 18 answers · asked by jeremiahs gal 1 in Beauty & Style ➔ Hair
I have an opinion on this one for sure. I think its best for your kids to not one day look at how old they are and how long you have been married and have the fact that they were born before you were married on their mind, its just an adult topic that may be too heavy for a child to absorb. And that covers the kid angle....now for the two of you....My future husband and I are 11 years apart, and he is ready to jump into the fatherhood role ASAP. (especially when we had a cervical cancer scare a few months ago and thought that if we waited too long, we wouldn't be able to enjoy the pregnancy part of life because we would have to adopt) well luckily for us, ill be fine and we can still have kids.....he jokes about our first of the 3 or 4 we want to have being born 9 months from our honeymoon.....lol. But I have told him that even though we have all of our "pre-marriage relationship" to be alone without children, I would want to have One Full Year of being Married to him without children or pregnancy. Just one year for the 2 of just to only be husband and wife, because after we get pregnant, we will be parents forever. And that will be a wonderful chapter in our lives, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't relish in your new married bliss and do EVERYTHING you can in the world together without the extra weight of another life hindering your ability to just get up and go go go. I say mark off at least ONE year after you get married to just exist for each other and keep that for yourselves, not even getting pregnant until after a year..... You have the rest of your lives to be parents, and husband a wife, but maybe live one year of it with reckless selfishness for the 2 of you, then embark on the next part....
2007-02-27 08:27:12 · answer #1 · answered by AZrunner 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Congrats on the wedding. Now, Im not married but I am a single mom of a 6 month old baby. I love my daughter more than anything in this world but being a mom is hard work. In my honest opinion you should wait at least a year before having children. Get use to being a wife and prepare your physically, mentally and financially for children. When you have kids, you have to make a lot of sacrifices and put your children first. Hopefully you and your finance have good stable jobs and are able to pay all or your bills and save money. If you are living pay check to pay check and you decide to start having kids right away its going to be hard on you and your marriage. Don't put yourself and your husband through that. You are young so you will have plenty of time to have kids.
2007-02-27 08:05:26 · answer #2 · answered by KokoQueen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think personally... it depends on how long you two have been together? Unfortunately the statistics are against you.. 3 out of 4 marriages fail. Make sure you know he's going to be around for the long haul. Although.. it's not like anybody ever gets married thinking theyre going to end in divorce.. so I guess there isnt anything you can do but hope for the best!
You'll know when youre financially stable. Ask people who have kids, how much babies cost...and when you can afford the price without cutting other necessary expenses.. then you'll be ok :)
My mom always says to wait until youre married for one whole year before trying. People are having kids at 50 now :p You do have plenty of time (despite what your maternal instincts tell you) hehe
Good luck and congrats on the engagement!!
2007-02-27 08:02:33 · answer #3 · answered by Becca319 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations on your Wedding!!!! Your getting married really close to my wedding date (10/29/06). Wanting a big family is great and I say have as many kids as you want. As far as waiting or not I would say wait until after the wedding. Your wedding is going to be expensive and then add to that your honeymoon and we are talking a decent amount of pocket change here. Kids are exceedingly expensive and if you start now, you may not be able to afford to have that honeymoon that you both deserve to go on. Wait, get married... enjoy your wedding, go on your honeymoon then have kids (maybe start your family the night of your wedding? wedding night sex is great!) This is not comming from any religious thinking or anything like that I just think that you should enjoy eachother a little bit as a married couple before you bring a life long companion into the picture. Do as you will though, and congrats again!
2007-02-27 08:00:39 · answer #4 · answered by shadowsthathunt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my personal opinion I would wait. Do you really want to be pregnant on your wedding day? Just work on the wedding plans, and start on your wedding night. How cool would it be to start on your wedding night?? I think that would be such an awesome thing,.......two things to look forward to on one day!!
As far as being financially stable, ask yourselves how the baby will be cared for. Will one of you stay home or will there be daycare/babysitter involved? Can you handle the fianncial impact of one of you not working any longer or paying for childcare each week? Can you afford diapers and creams and possibly formula if you can't or don't want to breastfeed? What about your home? Do you own or rent and are you in a place that will be good to bring a baby home to? What do you and your fiance spend money on now that you would be willing to sacrfice in order to afford any of this? If you look at this and can make the numbers work, then you're financially ready.
Congrats on the engagement! Good luck TTC!!!
2007-02-27 08:08:00 · answer #5 · answered by Just Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I were not married when we had our daughter and we got pregnant a year after we meet each other. As far as financially... you are never financially ready to have a child but I do not think it is right for someone to have a child and not be able to afford necessities. In other words, Just because somebody wants a large family doesn't mean welfare should pay for them. Have as many kids as you can afford without government assistance. Good Luck with your wedding and future plans.
2007-02-27 08:01:13 · answer #6 · answered by snugglesrn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are ready when you think you are. No one can tell you otherwise. Obviously if you are living in a box and don't know where your next meal is going to come from then probably not the best idea. Talk to your fiancee, that is your choice. Don't give anyone an opportunity to insert their opinion or feelings on you in this matter. There is nothing that hurts more than being pregant and feeling like there is no support system, or that you made a mistake.
Sorry, getting off the soapbox now!
2007-02-27 08:00:07 · answer #7 · answered by bbydrms2007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All of these question sand your answers are ultimately your own choice, but before you start your family get serious and talk about your future. Plan a little. Budget if necessary. write some things on paper and look at them. Things like INCOME, MONTHLY EXPENSES such as FOOD, RENT, BILLS and OTHER PAYMENT OBLIGATIONS. If you have babies right away then you might not be able to contribute to the family income.
You should at least think about this and how you both will work at it together.
2007-02-27 08:07:35 · answer #8 · answered by flo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
K what i would say is first you need to spend time with your husband and have all the fun stuff. If you don't wnna do that it's fine i just would recommend it.
Secondly, make sure your already in a big house. It will be much harder to move when you have children so move before where you want to be for pretty much the rest of your life.
Discuss it with your fiance, if he wants the same as you then go for it and i hope your marriage goes well!
2007-02-27 08:22:16 · answer #9 · answered by Gorg.Gal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've always thought at LEAST 2 years. The first year of your marriage will be the most important, bringing a baby in that soon will be a very very difficult challenge. Most marriages that break up break up in the first year, you don't want to bring a baby into that.
2007-02-27 22:19:31 · answer #10 · answered by melissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋