Anyone know any good jokes?

Question

they can clean or dirty.

Answer 1

This is between clean and dirty:

It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned
in the grades and there is really nothing more to do. All the
children are restless because of this.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and
correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here.
I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is MAD that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is BOILING mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?!?!"

Johnny: "BILL CLINTON. CAN I GO NOW?"

Answer 2

What's green and red and lies at the side of the road?
An Injured snot!


After having dug to a depth of 1000 meters last year, Scottish
scientists found traces of copper wire
dating back 1000 years and came to the conclusion that their
ancestors already had a telephone
network more than 1000 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed,
English scientists dug to a depth of
2000 meters and shortly after headlines in the UK newspapers
read; English archaeologists have
found traces of 2000year old fibre-optic cable and have
concluded that their ancestors already had
an advanced high-tech digital communications network a thousand
years earlier than the Scots.

One week later, Irish newspapers reported the following: After
digging as deep as 5000 meters in
a County Mayo bog, Irish scientists have found absolutely
nothing. They, therefore, have concluded
that 5000 years ago, Ireland's inhabitants were already using
wireless technology!

Answer 3

Here's one.
Man: God, why did you made women so beautiful?
God: For you to love them.
Man: Why did you made them so stupid?
God: For them to love you!

Answer 4

-why wasn't your mom at your birthday last night?

Cause I was screw-ing her.

-U wanna know my favorite song? yes? ok

it goes like this....***** you

-Why was your dad not at your birthday yesterday?

Cause I was screw-ing him too