My fiance is 33 years old. This weekend he is going out with 3 of his guys friends (i know all of them very well)...they will be meeting up with 2 girls that him and his best friend use to date when they were around 15 years old. I am not going since this is be all of his old friends talking about old times....I don't want him to feel like he needs to keep me entertained. They are only going out for a few drinks. I thought I was ok with this until one of my girlfriends asked me if I was crazy for even considering letting him go. She thinks I'm asking for trouble. I'm not sure I see a big problem with this. I can't and won't keep a leash on him. He's a grown man and will do what he wants either way.....am i wrong? advise anyone?
2007-02-27 07:26:17 · 20 answers · asked by Smiles 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Sorry, it should be Would you let your fiance go out with an ex WITHOUT you. My mistake.
2007-02-27 07:29:33 · update #1
Sounds like you trust your fiance. That's a good thing. The fact that he TOLD you who he's meeting up with (not like, my three buddies...and some other people might join us) and you know they used to date seems like he trusts you, too.
If you are nervous, why not plan a night out on your own for the same night? That way, you won't be dwelling on it. Oh, and tell your friend she's off her rocker. I'm guessing she doesn't have a great relationship, if she has one at all.
2007-02-27 08:38:37 · answer #1 · answered by Just tryin' to help 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you trust your fiance? If you don't trust him, maybe you should reconsider marriage, because if he's unfaithful now, he'll be unfaithful after the vows have been exchanged! But, he's been honest with you so far and even invited you to come along, right? That's a good sign! I don't think you should stop him or make him feel guilty about going- it was so long ago and they were just kids. He'll get a kick out of seeing them all again, but that doesn't mean old feelings will be rekindled. He chose you, remember? You're the one he wants to marry! I think it shows a lot of maturity on your part by allowing him to go.
2007-02-27 07:42:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let him do what he's doing. If you had no hair stand up on the back of your neck when you decided this was ok in the beginning, it's still fine. Yes, I would let me fiance go out with an ex without me. Don't stress over it, seems like your girlfriend has some issues if she wouldn't trust her fiance to go out with an ex in this situation. No worries, I think you'll be fine. If it bugs you the night he meets up with the old buddies, just go out with your friends (and I do not mean the one who thinks you're asking for trouble). Happy wedding. :o)
2007-02-27 07:36:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Either you trust him or you don't. I don't see a problem with it. These are people from when he was 15...when he was still a child. He loves you and you alone. If you think it will be okay, then it will be. You trust him and have no reason to doubt his faithfulness. Don't tag along. It shows that you are insecure, and you'll be bored to tears.
To answer the question. Yes I would let my husband go out with an Ex given the scenario you have put forward. This is a group outing, not one on one. When my Husband went out with his old friends (some females too.) they went to dinner and played pool/darts until late into the night. I had to go pick him up because he was tipsy and couldn't drive. No big deal.
2007-02-27 07:31:31 · answer #4 · answered by Poppet 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ok..he dated her when he was 15? That was 18 years ago! He was a child, maybe a freshman in high school! Think back on your high school relationships...you dated a couple months maybe and then youre friends. Don't look at it as him going to get drinks with an ex, but as him getting drinks with an old friend, with a group of old friends. I don't think you have anything to worry about.
2007-02-27 07:43:14 · answer #5 · answered by lwil82 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be perfectly honest, you should at least go with him. If he doesn't want you to go, the two of you shouldn't be planning on getting married. When you get married you'll have to put him before everything and he'll have to put you before everything, no matter what. That includes his old pals. I know and understand that you wouldn't want to keep a leash on him and if were just him and the guys going out I'd understand you not wanting to go. I also understand that you're not married YET.... But I've always believed that when women are included in a guy's plans and none of those women are his woman, he should cancel or rethink his plans, nuptials or not. I can see how you would trust your guy since they dated back in the day when they were 15, but think of this: my best friend is getting married in April to a guy who, not only has called off the wedding twice, has cheated on her before and during the engagement with his "ex-from-back-when" (among others) and she wouldn't believe me or my boyfriend (his best friend) when we told her about it because he "would never do that to [her]" so she says. Your relationship with your honey may not be like this at all, but I would at least go with him to walk down memory lane with his friends.
2007-02-27 07:48:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't worry about it. The fact is, you can't keep an eye on him every second, and really you shouldn't even want to. If the only way you can trust your husband is when he's right in front of you, is that even really trust? I say your initial instincts were right--tell him to have a great time and be excited to hear all about it when he gets home later.
2007-02-27 07:59:31 · answer #7 · answered by melouofs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right. Don't go. He is going to do what he wants either way. He is a grown man. If you try to put a leash on him, that strategy will fail. But, remember this... "Once a cheater... always a cheater"... So, if he has ever cheated before.. you can bet that he will do it again !!!!!
2007-02-27 07:35:07 · answer #8 · answered by Badspe11er 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They went out when they were 15...I really wouldnt worry about it. If you love him and he loves you then dont try and control him as you will just drive him away.
Havent you ever been friends with an ex? doesnt always mean you are going to hook up...
2007-02-27 08:12:58 · answer #9 · answered by Jessica S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been burned too many times by giving too much trust. i think him agreeing to go is not right. It might be a better situation if you two were in a public place and his ex walks over and talks to the both of you. But him going like that is really asking for trouble in my opinion. I hope you figure things out. I wish you luck
2007-02-27 07:32:39 · answer #10 · answered by le_le_06 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋