I did not ask my fiance if she had ever had an abortion. We were talking about the subject and I told her that I had been set up on a blind date several years ago. The blind date told me she had to get a couple of things out in to the open so she would know whether we could move forward. She told me she had an abortion in the past. I was polite and did not voice my opinion, but I never called the girl again.
My fiance asked me if that was the reason I never called the girl again. I said yes.
She then precedes to tell me she had an abortion in the past. I cut her off and told her I did not want to know any details. I know the pregnancy was from a previous relationship.
I love my fiance very much, but this knowledge has changed my opinion of her. I feel like I've somehow lost some of the admiration and adoration I had for her.
I don't want to marry someone that I do not fully respect. If this feeling does not go away soon, should I break things off?
2007-02-27 07:14:28 · 21 answers · asked by m.t.c. 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First you should get down off that high horse. You are not a saint. You are not perfect and you were not there during that part of her life.
Perhaps by your reaction she has also lost some of her admiration and respect for you.
Break things off. She deserves better.
You are entitled to feel any way you wish but when you really love someone enough to get married it should be unconditional.
You never got the full story, you never even respected her enough to find out why.
If I were her I would be glad to get ths wake up call now.
That was a hard decision and she probably thought hard about it. Had she thought she had another option she would have taken it.
2007-02-27 07:20:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think you are being extremely insensitive here. You'd rather she just lied to you for the rest of your life about what she's done? I think it took a LOT of courage for her to stand there and tell you that she did something in her PAST ... P A S T ... that you are against.
Notice the word "past" is emphasized here. I really doubt you have a right to judge anyone on their pasts. I'm sure you've made mistakes back in the day as well. Sure, you might not have been accessory to an abortion, but EVERYONE makes mistakes.
Your fiance was doing the right thing by being up front and honest with you. I don't think you should feel any lack of respect for her just because she was telling you the truth. As long as she doesn't have an abortion while she's with you, you really have nothing to judge her on.
If you love her, you'll stay with her and honor the fact that she loves you enough to tell you the truth.
2007-02-27 07:20:52 · answer #2 · answered by Jessica La La Leigh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should not marry her if you feel you can not get over this or respect her ever again. But before you make that decision, look at things this way. You told her about your previous experience with a girl who had an abortion. Despite hearing that you never called her again she told you the truth about her past. Now I think that took some guts and some respect on her end. She respected you enough and trusted you enough to tell you this information. The fact that you feel you can no longer respect her is probably a mutual idea now. She probably feels she can no longer respect you because you are willing to throw away your relationship with her because she respected you and was truthful.
2007-02-27 07:32:35 · answer #3 · answered by prettyblueeyes101010 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, if your feelings of 'non-respect' don't go away, you should 'break things off' because your 'girlfriend' is far too GOOD for you. She knew how you felt about abortion, and she knew that you didn't call the other woman because she'd had an abortion ... and she still TOLD YOU because she felt that need to be 'totally honest' with you ... and NOT ONCE did I see anything that said 'She's changed a lot since then' and 'has grown to be a much better person' since then ... both of which are OBVIOUS to me, but aren't to you ... so I doubt that you are 'good enough' to marry her.
2007-02-27 07:31:52 · answer #4 · answered by Kris L 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of the aspects of a healthy marriage is open communication. By cutting her off in the middle of an explanation speaks volumes about your idea of open communication. Painful as it was, you should have listened to her. She may have had good reason to go through with the abortion. She clearly felt that complete honesty with you was very important, though your opinions differ greatly.
Right now, you have to ask yourself, "Do I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman?" and "Can I change the past?"
Everyone knows there is nothing you can do about the past. Let it go. You have absolutely no control over it and never will.
Marriage is about building a future together. That is where your focus should be.
2007-02-27 07:28:00 · answer #5 · answered by Crossed Sabers 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you think about abortion and your fiance, remember the many children who are brought into this world, aren't wanted, and don't get the love, and care they need as children. We have many people in this world today that didn't get the love, and care that they needed as children and will continue to suffer everyday of their lives and cause many problems for other people. Your fiance's abortion may have prevented another such unhappy person from causing problems in today's world. Respect her for doing this much for today's crazy world.
Keep looking forward to the future, not back into the past. You can have influence over the future but can't do anything about the past. Happiness to you and your fiance.
2007-03-02 07:44:50 · answer #6 · answered by Sue 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what she did in the past has nothing to do what she feels about you. and at least she was honest with you and telling you. you could of kept quiet but she didn't and this is the respect you give her for telling you the truth. their are alot of reasons why a person gets an abortion, that does not mean that they are not good people. I'm sorry I don't mean to sound harsh. this is my opionion. Maybe you shouldn't marry her, so she can find someone to love her unconditionally. no matter what she did in her past. you have made mistakes too. no one is perfect. not even you. she deserves someone better. so let her go, your the one who is missing out. not her.
2007-02-27 07:20:56 · answer #7 · answered by misty blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really love her, you shouldn't let the past get in the way. I'm sure an abortion is not something she wanted to get, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. There was probably a mistake, and she wasn't ready to raise a child yet. You shouldn't have cut her off, you should have let her talk about it. I'd reccomend going back to her and letting her talk about it, and asking the questions you have, and see where it goes from there.
2007-02-27 07:21:45 · answer #8 · answered by RebelYell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give your fiance credit for being honest with you. Would you really rather she had kept this information a secret? A relationship must be based on trust to thrive. She gave you an opportunity to accept her past, knowing the risk she was taking. The decision is now up to you. CAN you accept it and move on? If not, then you must be as honest with her as she was with you.
2007-02-27 07:19:01 · answer #9 · answered by MOM KNOWS EVERYTHING 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That depends. Is she remorseful? Does she take full responsibility for killing her unborn child, without making excuses? Does she admit that the abortion was wrong? If so, you can most likely move forward, recognizing that we have all sinned in the past.
However, if she does not regret killing her child, that is another matter. I personally could not respect anyone who could kill her own innocent, defenseless baby and not show any remorse.
I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation. I am sure that you will do what is right.
2007-02-27 09:35:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋