How can I say something without upsetting my mother inlaw?

Question

Ive recently moved in a house which my husband always owned before hes even met me.His mother lives in it which isnt the problem,we get along great,the problem is that my husband's 20 year old nephew has been living here for the past 2 years which was only supposed to be a few months.He doesnt work and he contributes nothing to this house and whats worse my mother in law babies him which annoys the heck out of me yet Im afraid to say something because i feel imthe newcomer i think it might cause tension and problems between us.he says he will leave in October which is still a ways,in the meantime my baby daughter has to sleep in our room because the house has only 3 bedrooms and i have to sit back and watch her baby him.She buys his food,cooks it for him,washes his clothes,while he sits up in his room watching tv the lazy bum.What really upset me this evening was that I had taken some ice-cream from the freezer and had the nerve 2 tell me it was 'his' ice-cream.I was so mad. What 2 do?

Answer 1

You need to enlist the help of your husband. Not only is he the one that created this mess, but it is his family. If you try to do anything about it, you will come off as the evil newcomer.

If your husband feels the same way as you do about his nephew, then he ought to be the one to discuss it with the nephew & to set a more reasonable moveout date. (I think 30 or 60 days at the most.) Give your husband your support, but do not get directly involved.

If your husband doesn't view the situation as an issue, then the problem must be resolved between the two of you before you can go any further. Perhaps a counselor could help him to understand that the home should be a sanctuary for his immediate family (you and the baby).

Answer 2

First you need to talk to your husband and see what his perspective is on this. Ask if he has realized that although his nephew says he is leaving in October he doesn't have a job (therefore how can he be moving). Also ask your husband if he realizes that your daughter is getting a little too old to continue to be in your room and the longer she is there the harder it will be to get her to adjust to being in her own room when that eventually happens. Point out how your mother is not helping his nephew to be self-sufficient when she waits on him hand and foot (where will she be when he moves out? - is he taking her with him to cook, clean, go grocery shopping?) After you and your husband have discussed it ask if he would mind talking as adults to his mother and nephew. Let them know of your concerns (no accusatory items) about the situation, you might say - I am concerned that "Jason" has no goals and no definitive way of obtaining his goal of moving out in October. Also since there are 4 adults and 1 child in the house all food should be everyone's unless you want to assign a particular cabinet to his mother and nephew and they could buy a refrigerator for the garage to keep their cold/frozen items in. You probably shop for your husband and child and yourself and don't go around telling them they can't have the chips with their sandwich at lunch or whatever. Fair is fair. If your husband doesn't want to talk to his mother or doesn't want her involved, how about a good talk with the nephew to determine his ultimate goal, and how he is planning to obtain it and perhaps suggestion a quicker moving out date as your child is growing up quite quickly. He's 20 years old and is a big boy now. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 3

You say nothing to him or her. This is your husbands territory. Talk to him and hope that he is the man you need him to be right now. If October is the time nephew says he will be gone, then your man needs to make sure that happens and you can support him by just letting it go until then. You are a strong woman and this is just a drop in the bucket of life, you can handle it....as long as he is gone in October.

Answer 4

Did you know about this problem before you moved in? Get your own place.