What should I do with my disrespectful, dishonest, rude 16 yr old daughter?

Question

First of all~ I love and cherish my daughter, however......

she continues to lie to me and others and when she is caught lying she goes bolistic and has shoved me and hit me and called me cuss word when i contfront her or when i have to give her a consequense such as not phone, or no myspace, or no going out w/her friends if she lies , or misbehaves etc...she goes nuts on me and it is scary~ she is the same size as me but very muscular~
here are some examples of stuff she has done....

when she was at her grammas house she wanted to go on te computer to go on myspace but her gramma said no because (I)
told gramma she bad grounded for making 3 f's~ well she got a steak knife out of her grammas kitchen and threatend her with it if she did not let her go on~

ok...here is another one.... we live in orange county 2 miles from disneyland.... our family loves the place and we have annual passes to disneyland well....over the xmas holiday shelby (my daughter) lost her pass

but expects me to pay 20 bucks replacement fee i said no she needs 2 be responsible 4 losing it..she has a job sign flipping making 7 bucks an hour i told her shelby u need to be responsible and pay the 20 buck with your work money and she got angry with me. then she told all her friends a lie and said ILOST HER DISNEY PASS!! i was upset as to why she would say such a thing~
she lied to her daddy too the other day cuz she wanted more makeup and he said u have enough already and she told him a lie and said "oh my mom stole my make up" (another lie) why is she acting this way and what can i do about this situation??

Answer 1

Sounds like you give in to her.

Next time she does something like pull a knife on something, call your police department. They may be able to do a "mock arrest." I've heard of this done. This will set them straight, being put in handcuffs and put into a police car.

Just keep punishing her. Give her a severe punishment and stick with it. If she gets poor grades, make her do an hour of homework every day, and sit with her while she does it.

If she does something bad, don't remove computer privledges for a day. Tell her she can't go on for two weeks. Then remove the computer, or put a password on it that she can't get around.

Don't know what else to tell you.

Answer 2

Quite frankly your question actually comes across like the ranting and ravings of a sixteen year old pretending to be her mother just to see what people would say about her behavior. (Perhaps the apple has not fallen far from the tree?) But I could be wrong so here goes my comments on the situation:

Your daughter's behavior may be a sign of other issues that are surfacing...drug abuse, alcoholism, past sexual abuse, or their own depression and suicidal thoughts. It is important to deal with them rather than just hoping they will go away with time.

If you love your daughter, you will sit her down and tell her so. You will explain that no matter what happens she will always be your daughter and nothing will ever change that. Then you will explain that some of her behavior lately has been rather scary and unacceptable.

If she tries to butt in, you should tell her that she is close to being an adult age now and you want to speak with her like an adult. Ask her to let you say your concerns and then you will listen to what she has to say.

You need to explain to her that shoving people around and threatening them with knives is NOT an acceptable practice, and that she is actually guilty of both assault and uttering threats, both of which you can go to prison for.

You can tell her that if you really thought she was serious about hurting someone, you would have called the cops by now, but you want to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Explain to her that she has two more years until she is legally considered an adult and once she reaches that age, she can make a decision on her own is she wants to stay with you or move out and find her own way in life. However, until that time you are still responsible for her and she should control her emotions and express her frustration in a more appropriate manner.

If she continues to misbehave, threaten family members, and mouth off to you, you can suggest counselling.

Finally if you are at the end of your rope and want to try something drastic, you can send your child to "brat camp". ABC had a show that documented a group of kids with really bad problems over several weeks as they struggled with their own demons and made it through several weeks in the wilderness with others that have similar problems. The counselors there are trained and skilled to address most of the problems that arise.

Then once you have had your say, make sure to sit down and listen to what she has to say back to you. She may not articulate it well and may not be in the mood to tell you right away after getting hit emotionally with what you just said to her...take time...let her tell you exactly what is bothering her and DO NOT dismiss it casually as if it was unimportant...It is likely very important to her.

Hopefully you will both be able to find some common ground and get a better understanding of each other and the boundaries that you both do not want crossed.

Answer 3

I guess it all depends on how your correcting her. If your taking things she enjoys for bad grades and lying then try taking them longer. As far as pulling a knife on grandma thats totally unexceptable, she needs to see a doctor. She might have a brain disorder or something and needs meds. Normal people dont pull knifes on grandma! Losing her disneyland pass doesnt seem like anything Id be worried about with the rest of her issues and shes got some serious issues. The pass can be replaced. Maybe take her to the judge when hes not in court tell him in front of her what all shes been doing, and let him have a chat with her. I would make an appointment at the doctors right now if i were you.

Answer 4

Sounds like there is more going on in her world than you may know. My best suggestion would be to seek out a good family counselor or therapist to speak with. Most of the behavior you describe is pretty normal for a 16 year old, except the violence. That is of major concern, so I would not delay speaking with someone.
I am sure that your daughter is a wonderful person. I myself was a difficult teen. Thankfully I recieved the help that I needed and have become a responsible, successful adult. Just remember the teen years don't last forever.

I would only use boot camp or juvie as a last resort.
I wish you the best.

Answer 5

Okay, well the losing the pass thing is an accident, really not something to be worried aobut. And teenagers are teenagers most will rebel and be disrespectful becase that comes with it. Not all are like that, maybe if they were brought up really well or close with their family, but many will. The steak knife is something to be worried about though. Does she do this often? Do you think she would actually do it? Has she been spoiled in the past? What is contributing to this behaviour? It this is a reacurring event I think you should seek proffesional help. Maybe it is due to a tragedy in the past? O maybe she (not in a rude way) has some actual mental problems that you didn't know about. I would ask a councelor or doctor and get advice. Also discuss it with your family and see what they think.

Answer 6

she needs to get out of the house and town or even the state so she can see the real world outside of her little household that she seems to control. She will see the that her life is a small part of this world and may start to grow up a little more, Easier said than done but she has to get away from her surroundings, I like the boot camp idea, or the Peace Corpse for young adults

Answer 7

have her arrested and then follow threw ,sounds like she thinks she can do as she pleases and in this world you have to learn the hard way,don't let her have an inch or she will take the mile .you may not have had much follow threw when she was younger.but if u make a threat you have to keep it so don't make a threat you cant keep.get this book also it helps to read good tips on parenting. my sis had this same problem when she showed her daughter she was done with the drama and sent her to jail the girl stopped ,but u have to do it every time

Answer 8

You should have her drug tested. When you are on drugs you are horribly mean to the ones you love the most, and befriend the ones you usually don't like. Your grades slip and you become someone else. I would say start there. If that comes back clean, take her *** to juvenile hall and scare the living S__T out of her. Take her to a homeless shelter, show her what her life could be like if you didn't lover her so much. Still have problems? Take a belt to her ***!!!

Answer 9

pinky, you don't cherish her now and you shouldn't shes being a teenaged shi*head.....you just gotta hang in there with her....they are all idiots at 16 and if anyone says any different they didn't have a normal one.....my daughter and i didn't get along for an entire year and it took a while to mend....she is now 21 and I do cherish her....but I would be liing to you if I said I did when she was 16-18....hang in there, keep up the discipline...they grow up and you survive.....good luck....maybe a martini and some xanax can help for now.......!!!! (for you not her)!!!!LOL

Answer 10

Sounds like tough love time. For threatening Grandma with a steak knife, I'd have called the cops on her. If she wants to be bad, let her do it on her own time...in juvie.