How should i tell him i cant have children?

Question

ive been with a guy for awhile and he has decided that maybe we should try to have children...the down fall to that is i am baren i cant have children weve been together for awhile and i still havent told him...how should i break it to him

Answer 1

Tell him that you're not sure you can have children, but you're willing to try. Depending on the medical reasons for your inability to have children of your own, there are some good medical solutions out there to get around the problem.

All else fails, adoption is a possibility.

You're going to find it hard to share the news with him about not having children of your own, mostly because you weren't up front with him about it from the start. Perhaps explain that you didn't think it a problem until he got interested in children?

Answer 2

You just tell him. Having children is as much of a dream, need, and want to a man as it is to a woman. If being with you means he won't have children, it's a decision he has to make. You can't make it for him and you can't withhold that kind of information from him. You just find a time when you two are calm, sit him down, and tell him. If you have been to the doctor's and have been diagnosed with something specific, tell him why you cannot have children. Even if the doctor tells you that you have unspecific causes (which basically is just their way of saying they don't know why), you need to tell him that. Give him all the information you have and let him ask questions. It's going to be emotional and it might hurt. How you two communicate will dictate whether this blow up in anger or whether this is an information exchange laced with sadness.

Don't solve the problem. You can't right at this moment. If you want to discuss options and possibilities, go ahead. There are options and different possible treatments, depending on what specifically is causing the problem and (unfortunately) your financial resources. That's probably better for another time. You will have more discussion with him about this. However, you need to break the news and start the ball rolling.

You can be sad and you can be hopeful that he will want to stay and be your partner in life even if that means he does not have his own child. However, don't guilt him into staying. Don't make him feel bad that he wants his own child and has to do what he feels necessary. It will cause a resentment that will last a lifetime while you two are together. If it truly comes down to either you or children, his wanting to stay has to be made completely of his own volition.

Join an infertility support group. Look up Resolve. Infertility is very hard. Most people take ability to have children for granted and people just do not understand how hard it is. The loss of a very basic and primal desire and need in life causes all sorts of grief and anger. It's been compared to death. However, while everyone can empathize with death, very few outsiders really understands what infertility does to a person. Even then, most of the attention is on the woman. It's easier to recognize that a woman derives her being on her ability to have children and being a mother. A lot less attention is given to the man and what he gives up. So he's going to be grieving as well if he chooses this route.

Answer 3

Something like: "Are you still thinking about children? Well, you know, a few years ago I had an appointment with my gynecologist, and she said..."

...and give him the details.

Be prepared for any reaction. Will he be devastated and sad? Angry that you didn't tell him sooner? Sorry for you?

Other things to consider:

HE has decided? Isn't this kind of decision one that needs to be made together?

"With a guy" means you are not married? Children do better in a stable home.

But if both of those points are irrelevant, there are reliable adoption agencies in every community. Foster care is a good possibility. Sounds like a lot of decisions are ahead of you.

Answer 4

I would do it in a hurry. Tell him that it should not affect how he feels about you. you should tell why you can and maybe the both of you can adopt children. You can adopt children from birth and you would not have to worry about the pain of labor. Sometimes you can find agencies that will set you with a mother that is still pregnant and you can be in the delivery room with her. Tell him soon because if you don't then you will hurt him when you do.

Answer 5

If he really wants children and you can't have them, then you have a moral obligation to tell him that you can't have children. Maybe he loves you enough to stay and look into adoption or surrogate mothering. Maybe he doesn't and will leave. You have to be ready for whatever he decides, but before you tell him, be sure and tell him how you feel about him.

Answer 6

Go to some neutral place if you don't know how he will react. Just tell him that you care about him and all and that you should have told him this before, but to be fair to him you have to be honest and tell him the truth that you can't have kids. Give him an option of leaving the relationship if he wants...Good Luck to you....

Answer 7

they won't be waiting to TAKE it from him, yet he will nevertheless owe it. he would be ordered to pay something, & the finished time that he's not paying it, it fairly is going to likely be racking up as back new child help. Then sooner or later while he's older & gets a real or great paying interest, or meets that lady he needs to cool down with, he will have this huge new child help debt striking over his head. Even in the previous it gets that a good distance they could sieze his financial enterprise money owed, placed it on his credit record, droop his driving force's licesnse, take all his tax refund money (if he ever documents) & detention center. So he won't get out of something by skill of "working off the books", he will basically make his difficulty worse interior the long-term. i be responsive to that it is not promising for you the two, for the reason which you will in all hazard could desire to bypass an prolonged time with none economic help from him for the reason that he will in all hazard refuse to pay it & they could't garnish it. yet, you will get it fairly is going to genuinely. back new child help will on no account bypass away till paid, there is not any statue of barriers. Like somebody else stated, if he remains "off the books" while the youngster help listening to comes around, the choose could desire to reserve him to have a job in X volume of days. If he does not, wager what, detention center & court docket fines. So, definatly bypass forward and document as quickly because of the fact the infant is born. it won't basically make your interest greater handy interior the destiny, yet you will no longer omit out on a single penny, because of the fact it fairly is going to shop racking up. in case you anticipate him to get a real interest, you may or won't get offered any retroactive new child help, & which would be money which you ignored out on instead of letting it rack up.

Answer 8

Take a walk in the park or just sit and cuddle with him and break the news to him no matter what if you really care for him you would tell him and if he really cared about you hell understand .