Depression taking over my life because I am depressed about being a "useless and good for nothing" woman.

Question

I honestly am caught up in the strangest feeling.My parents have always wanted a son but they got two daughters instead.They never tried to hide their anger at being the only family out of everyone we know to have no sons.As a result,I feel so much pain at what they feel.Bad enough that I dream about them having a son even though I am their 18 year old daughter.
Not to mention it,I feel females never get what they deserve. Put it this way. I am feminist but I hate myself and women in general.Yet,I demand we get equal rights.I get offended at the smallest things.My boyfriend will tell me I am beautiful and I will feel all upset because beautiful is such a girly word.My english teacher also said I looked pretty and I felt upset.I got offended at the movie's when I was watching Borat when he said "WHAT?Women have the right to say no to sex?"What do you think?
Not only do women have to go through childbirth but period as well after that?What do guys ever have to go through?

Why do guys get it all?If women have periods why don't guys suffer with something as well?I would love to see them give birth.My period pains are so bad that one time I even fainted because of them.So I have to go through it all only to have guys say to me,"I am so glad I am not a girl.But you are acting like a *****."Yeah, lucky them.
Woman have to shave their legs and things like that.Why?What do guys ever have to do? NOTHING.
I hate it so much.It haunts me all night and all day that I am nothing but a girl.In my culture,which is an Indian culture,males have power.My male Indian cousins can marry whoever but I cannot.I have to have an arranged marriage but they can go live with whoever they love.Girls are expected to be nice and just clean all day long and have children.WHY can't a Indian girl who lives in AMERICA live her own life and decide who she can marry?No,only Indian males can..

I know there are women out there who are proud of being a woman,so please help me out here

Why do guys get it all?If women have periods why don't guys suffer with something as well?I would love to see them give birth.My period pains are so bad that one time I even fainted because of them.So I have to go through it all only to have guys say to me,"I am so glad I am not a girl.But you are acting like a *****."Yeah, lucky them.
Woman have to shave their legs and things like that.Why?What do guys ever have to do? NOTHING.
I hate it so much.It haunts me all night and all day that I am nothing but a girl.In my culture,which is an Indian culture,males have power.My male Indian cousins can marry whoever but I cannot.I have to have an arranged marriage but they can go live with whoever they love.Girls are expected to be nice and just clean all day long and have children.WHY can't a Indian girl who lives in AMERICA live her own life and decide who she can marry?No,only Indian males can..

I know there are women out there who are proud of being a woman,so please help me out here

All throughout history, women have been disregarded as nothing.Hell,in the Indian culture,women were expected to die for their husbands or die with them. So why do my male cousins get to marry whoever but I have to marry who the family picks for me?HELL NO.

Indian guys get away with everything.My friend who is also from this culture has to go and make her brother's bed.WHY? They are men..why don't they make their own beds instead of playing XBox live?

My entire life I have been chained up inside my house.I was not allowed to leave.But guys could.They can go out and stay out til 1 am.I have to be back by 8 30. 9 is too late...

I can't even look at myself anymore. I take showers in the dark to avoid looking at myself. The one time I did, I seriously felt my stomach churning and I almost threw up. I close my eyes while changing.I just do not know what to do anymore.I hate it so much.

Even in American society,men are considered to be better.They get paid more.

Answer 1

Sorry you're feeling so down. It seems that your parent's attitude has made you question and dislike who you are. Women have a lot more power than they realize, but by denying their femininity and womanly qualities, they dismiss and negate their own power. I'm the opposite- I think feminist have destroyed the very essence of what it means to be a woman and have made "them" bitter, masculine, uptight, angry and upset. Not to mention demanding and ready to take offense.

Answer 2

There is a constant thread throughout your "question" which is that you are very angry about things over which you have no control that is, what other people feel and think. Consider this: accept the fact (as reality) that you cannot control others or the way they think and you cannot change other people's problems or the way they feel about them. You can only change your own. The first challenge is to be able to recognize what problems are yours and which are not and be able to say "that's not my problem." . A question for you: If someone else were telling you all the things you are saying about yourself, what would you say to that person? What have you done to hate yourself so much? What ever it was, forgive yourself and start from now. As far as being Indian, so what? If you are so influenced and oppressed by those around you, change your surroundings. In this country anyone can do anything. Get out of the society you are in (t is clearly unhealthy) and start over somewhere else. One way to do this is to go to college. Or find some other way. And, what do guys have to go through? Testosterone poisoning, war and some other not so fun things. Good luck and love to you.

Answer 3

Maybe all this feminist vs. macho self talk is like a record that's stuck on in your head. I"m wondering what is really bothering you, because I don't think it's that people are calling you pretty. Something else is bothering you, and it's looking for a way to express itself, and for whatever reason this is the subject your brain has picked. Depression starts out as a choice. What was going on when you first started feeling this way? If you were willing to look back honestly, I'd bet there's something that's bothering you that you're not admiting to currently.
You might like to read:
Transcendent Beauty - by Crystal Andrus
It's all about feeling confident and beautiful.

Answer 4

I take it on face value that you are suffering from depression, although the majority of what you've written is expressive of outward frustrations.

So... let us say that you have at least two separate issues you're dealing with perhaps three...

1) your parents haven't been the best parents - nobody's are, but yours have in particular have given you a lot to deal with. At 18, how you deal with your parents will be largely up to you. You may decide to push them aside and live your own life. Ultimately, though you will need to confront them and tell them about how you feel and how they make you feel. This should not be a two-way discussion, they need to first listen and hear everything from you. They will undoubtedly become defensive... but, you need to tell them for you to move on.

2) IMHO closely related to number 1 above, you have the idealism of youth that makes you seek justice and fairness. Equality. This is a blessing, don't lose it. Nurture it. Embrace yourself for who you are, not for what other's expect.

3) depression. Depression can be very debilitating and while it can be precipitated by the stresses you describe; it is actually a separate thing. For dealing with your depression, I recommend posting your entire entry to another group - one better able to comment on depression. Visit http://depressionforums.org/ There, you will find the support and advice you need - and maybe be able to help someone else.

P.S. Men have their own problems. They deal with insecurities, same as you. They wrestle with the competition of machismo, ego, frustration, emotion and rage. Men will be confounded by women their entire lives. The sexes are more equal than you think.

Answer 5

Dear Sharon,
Someone in my family had the same problem. The only difference was, was that there were boys in that family. The father wouldn't pay for her education in college which he did for his two sons. She is now the most productive of the "litter".
Another thing, there is a Father in Heaven that is perfect. Even if your biological father may not be all tops, Jesus loves you anyway. The world has given us a skewed image of woman, but in the Bible, Jesus puts women over men all the time. I hope you won't get mad, but I will be praying for you because Jesus made you, therefore, you are very special.
In Christ, He loves his daughters just as much as his sons. I believe that Jesus was the first religion that even gave women that. Once, he even rebuked his Followers because they were laughing at a Prostitute who was anointing him.

Answer 6

I see you are and indian girl, I hear being a male is pretty important to them, even to the point of aborting their children in order to ensure a male is born. It's even to the point they have to import brides because of the natural balance of male/female has been so adversely affected. It's really a shame they don't just love you for who you are. Here in america a female can attain any heights a male can, india has some work to do in gender equality. Don't be angry for not being male, and don't try to become one, just embrace being female; for that you are and always will be good enough.

Answer 7

You can sweety!! You can choose to do, to be whatever you wish honey! Your in the USA. Your parents are WRONG!!!! You need to understand your parents are MAKING you feel this way. Its not how you WANT or should feel. And Women have never had more rights, femanist groups and freedom than now in 2007 in the USA. And speaking of time, Its time that you understand that your parents DO NOT have YOUR best interests in mind BUT rather their own. Its time to wash yourself of your parents neuroticism and be your own Woman!
P.s. Dont get mad at people if they see you as beautiful!!

Answer 8

I find the best way to enjoy life is to stop making comparisons. know that none of it really matters anyway other than that you should do whatever it is that will make you happy for the time being because that is truly all we have. rather than comparing men and women just forget about it all together and don't generalize just think of the individuals, many men have had much harder lives than you will ever know and many women much harder than them and so on and so forth. sadomasochism is no way to find a smile. try to have love for everyone within the human race because everyone is an asshole and a friend at the same time as well as you. don't worry about your parents. only worry about you, i wish you the best of luck.

Answer 9

the greatest thing about childhood is that it's over soon. Live your own life, become your own person, let go of what hurts you.....Life is too short for anger and feeling bad about yourself. Think peace and you will have peace, and nobody will be able to take that away from you.

Answer 10

Woooh, you need help. Get yourself into therapy/counseling. What you are feeling is NOT normal. I can't believe your parents really hate you. That is in your mind only. So how does your sister feel about her being a girl?

Now, if you make excuses about getting therapy, then you don't WANT to stop feeling like this. If you really want to feel better, you will do whatever it takes.