Should childless couples be encouraged to adopt?

Question

Is it always a good idea?

The reason I ask is because me and my hubby can't have children and whenever you ask or answer questions about it on here some people say we should adopt instead. This makes my blood fiz and, to be completely truthful, I'm not entirely sure why. I'm thinking that it's because it seems like such a glib and off the cuff comment sometimes. Although I accept that adopting can fullfil alot of people's dream of parenthood (and obviously many needy children too) I don't think it's always the answer. Especially when you feel like it's sometimes a comment made by people with biological children of their own who would never consider adopting themselves. Why would these parents pressume it would fullfil my needs when they wouldn't consider it themselves?

I know there are many reasons people suggest adoption (including them maybe being adopted themselves) so I know my point is only one of many opinions. So what I'm basically asking is: what's your opinion on this?

.vato.: Your opinion is very welcome. It doesn't get on my nerves as you have acknowledged that you aren't in my position and that makes a difference.

Answer 1

i have friends who cant have kids but say they would never adopt as they are scared that they wouldnt bond with the child.i think its a personal thing and nothing to do with anyone else.being infertile is heartbreaking enough-i saw what my friends went thru-without other people daring to question why you dont want to take on other peoples kids and raise them as your own.my brother is adopted and i take my hat off to my parents-i couldnt do it.

Answer 2

It does always amaze me how other people are so quick to tell other people what they should and shouldn't do in regards to children. It is such a hugely personal decision and there are so many factors that go into it.

When I was pregnant people were quick to tell me what I should and shouldn't do with my kids. It was wild.

We have 4 biological kids and have had exchange students live with us. Currently, I have a number of friends who have kids and probably even more that do not. I know some people that weren't sure about adopting and so they got a pet first (that is very silly - there is really no comparison). Another thing some people have done is to have exchange students or foster kids in their house and can look at this as a short term commitment that can help you assess your parenting skills and your commitment to adopting.

So, my opinion on this is just this --> Whatever you decide do it with conviction and don't worry what other people say to you about what you should be doing. Having children is a big commitment and a huge joy. If you decide to adopt then you are all in and have to behind your decision 100%. If you decide that you are not going to adopt then embrace that decision and live your life to the fullest and don't waste any more time filling future days with regret.

There are many ways to be fullfilled and to give back to your community and to the world besides being a parent. I love being a parent and for me it has made me a better person - at the same time my feeling is that life is a joy and you should live it. It is very encouraging to hear you ask this question because it means you are not taking this lightly and it indicates to me that you would be a good, caring, and thoughtful parent. This decision is yours - embrace it and move forward confidently.

Answer 3

My opinion comes from having known close friends & family who have done both-- fertility treatments to conceive a biological child, and adoption (both domestic ahd abroad).

The urge to have a child, and not only that but to PROCREATE that child ones' self is very strong. One of my best friends went through this for years while trying to get pregnant through various means. Eventually she did get pregnant and has a healthy baby now, so I could never say that people should NOT try this if it's what they want, and if their doctors feel there's a chance at achieving pregnancy.

But I also know several families who decided not to go that route, and adopted children. They are also very happy and satisfied parents, who love their children very much.

I guess my answer is, I think that what the parents want is what they should be encouraged to do, as long as it is within reason. People shouldn't be assuming that all infertile couples should give up the hope of having a biological child, although I can see the point that a) there are lots of children out there who need homes, and b) there are lots of couples out there who want children. It just isn't the answer for everybody, no matter how much sense it makes on paper.

Answer 4

I have always wanted to adopt and have never really considered anything else, but I can't give a very good reason for this. I guess the way that I feel is that I really want to be a mother and I want to have a family and give a child a loving, stable, secure home and then I think that there are so many children even in my own country that for no fault of their own don't have that. So I in my mind it makes sense that I could adopt a child, or children, that are just crying out for what I can provide for them. (the fact that at the moment I cannot financially provide for anyone is why I haven't taken it any further yet!)

However, I do see that this is not the way for everyone. I know that a lot of people feel a deep need to have children that are biologically their own, babies that they have carried and given birth to that contain their genes, but for whatever reason I have just never felt this. And I know that some people think I am wrong for not feeling this, but everyone is different and one person's needs and desires cannot be the same as someone else's and you cannot project your ideals onto someone else.

Adopting a parent-less child may be my ideal way of doing it, but I would never tell anyone else not to explore other routes, in the same way that I do not want other people telling me that the way I want to form my family is wrong.

Answer 5

Here's the way I see it. If a couple cannot have children and they know this from multiple doctors instead of spending so much money on fertility treatments or surrogate mothers they should adopt. I know the dream is biological children but I cannot see why a family who wants children wouldn't want to adopt a child that needs them just as much as they need the child. Maybe I'm wrong I'm not in the situation but if I were I would adopt. I have two children one of my own and one who is my cousin--he's not adopted yet but it's the same thing just not official. I think it's the greatest thing and plan on adopting/fostering other children in the future. Best of Luck! I'm sorry if this gets on your nerves but from someone who can say they don't know this is my opinion.

Answer 6

I think you should do what you feel is right. Only you and your husband can make the decision on adoption.

I wll say on a positive note to never give up hope... I have a friend who was told that she would never be able to have children. She did not want to adopt. Her theory was that if she could not have a child from her and her husband that she did not want one. She felt that the adopted child would never be hers... She pretty much gave up hope on having her own child and accepted it until one day (7 years of trying on her own, no medical help) she became pregnant. She now has a precious 3 year old boy and a baby girl.

I wish you luck in your decision.

Answer 7

I'm pro-adoption. If you adopt a child eventually will learn to love him, imagine your life...getting old and childless, that's the most scary and sad life an old person can have. Beside there are so many kids in orphanages waiting for someones hugs and kisses...and the love they give in return is enormous. Just think: a son or a daughter doesn't have to be blood related to give you love....If this makes you change your mind and you get ahead and adopt a baby...you will not regret the little compassion because My good Lord will reward you with lots and lots of hugs and kisses and love. GOD BLESS YOU!!!

Answer 8

You don't mention whether or not you actually want children. If you think you do, you could try fostering first, see if you like it, then consider adopting a child.
Regarding the wider issue, if people want to adopt I think it's a good idea. There are enough orphans out there who could do with a stable home life. I'm not sure how it is being raised in care homes; I was never in that situation.

Answer 9

The emphasis should be on the word ENCOURAGE. There are many people that would never consider adopting. It is however up to each couple if they want to pursue adoption or try in-vitro fertilization treatments. Even if they go that route there is no guarantee of success. Joel Osteen's sister Lisa Comes (From Lakewood Church in Houston TX) adopted twin girls after going thru a very long process to try & have biological children. My wife & I chose to adopt because we did not want to go thru all the long & expensive process of going thru the in-vitro treatments. We adopted a girl in Feb of 2004 when she was 6wks old, and she's full of life and energy. Again it is up to each individual couple which route they want to choose.

Answer 10

people probably make adoption comments because thats another way to have a child. i dont think it should upset you because most of the people on here arent really, truly considering the weight with which some questions are asked.

if you dont want to adopt dont let it get to you-its not even close to actually bearing and raising fruit of your loins. but, if you have the love and desire to be a parent, adoption is a good idea. there are millions of children who need to be adopted.

but it never hurts to really consider taking in an orphaned child to raise as your own, but if you dont want to then thats okay too.

Answer 11

If you or your husband are sterile or otherwise unable to conceive, possibly use a family members sperm or harvest an egg, that way the child will have your genes and be in your "bloodline". I do not think childless couples should be encouraged to adopt, for one, many just don't want children and there are other options. It is a long and personal decision and outsiders ( although meaning well ) should butt out.