My boyfriends cousin has come to the US to study. She does not speak english and does not drive. Everytime my boyfriend and I decide to go somewhere, she follows. She is always around. My boyfriend and I no longer spend any time alone. My boyfriend feels bad to leave his cousin all by herself in his apartment. Lately, the only time my boyfriend and I get to spend time together is when we have our anniversary. We use to spend so much time together and that time has declined. I have already told my boyfriend that I feel like the 3rd wheel whenever I am with them. I need to change this problem quickly because this is getting to be way toooo much! How can I tell my boyfriend to leave his cousin in his apartment and come to my house alone and spend time with me? I just want my boyfriend back. I understand he has to take care of his cousin, but he also has to realize that he has a girlfriend. What should I tell him without being too blunt? Please give me some advice. Thanks.
2007-02-27 04:42:04 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
seems you might need to be blunt, you want alone time nothing is wrong with that, but have you thought about how his cousin feels, she feels like the third wheel not you, she is the one not in the relationship. Have you thought of taking her out without your boyfriend and having her meet people, she is lonely, Talk to your boyfriend and tell him exactly what you told us, and he will say well I don't want her to be left alone, why? he is worried about her being free in his place or why? Take her out, introduce her to people, have fun, and then go on dates with your boyfriend. In time it will get better.
2007-02-27 04:47:37 · answer #1 · answered by Hawaiisweetie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel but I also understand what position your boyfriend is in, it is his cousin and he feels responsible. You must both try to find her some friends who she can hang about with and give you more time on your own. Insist that he leaves her in the apartment at least twice a week on her own, after all she has come over there to study. Try not to be too possessive as this will damage your relationship, but you do need time alone together and he should see this. Good luck to you I hope you can get it worked out
2007-02-27 04:55:42 · answer #2 · answered by Kirks Folley 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be straight to the point. Tell him you need time alone together and that his cousin is a big girl and can take care of her self.If she has come to a strange country alone am sure she can stay in his apartment alone for a night or two. what you do need to act quick before it causes anymore problems. Good Luck.x
2007-02-27 05:14:39 · answer #3 · answered by lou. c. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can be the bigger person by trying to arrange some time (which includes his cousin) that only the two of you spend together and then the three of you can still go around together. You are right - it does seem a little much to have someone tagging around all of the time but she is family.
2007-02-27 04:50:04 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Split the week with his cousin, you take Friday,Sunday and Wednesday and let the cousin have the other days. The cousin will be just fine by herself a few days a week, she can study-that is what she came here for.If this still does not stop you should consider a new boyfriend who will give you some time
2007-02-27 04:47:43 · answer #5 · answered by Urchin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find someone for her??Leave her at the family's house.Think you will figure something out.Shes not going to be there for long????? Maybe if you go to where she lives would you want to be treated the same way????.
Put yourself in her place alone can't speak English in a strange country.With some 1 that doesn't like her.Help the girl don't be so cruel it's not like sees try to take your guy.There will be time later for him. Come on give her a break.
It will payoff in the end as they will see you a compassionate person or a --------- Your call good luck
2007-02-27 04:59:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two suggestions. One, you need to express that while you love his cousin and enjoy her company you need a weekly date night where he and you can be romantic and spend some time alone.
Two, you should go out as a group with your friends, his friends and your friends' friends. This way she may make some new friends, or even meet a guy who she will want some alone time with too. Also, if you know of someone who speaks her language include them on your outings; this gives her someone to talk to other than your BF unless you want to learn to speak her language yourself!
2007-02-27 04:51:02 · answer #7 · answered by RhymeswithSweet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to 'step in' and HELP that 'cousin' to get along in the U.S. ... take her to a place where she can take ESL classes, and teach her to ride a bus by herself. Your boyfriend is being a 'typical male' and thinking that he must 'take care' of his cousin because she's 'only a weak female' ... but you and I both know that once she can 'get around' on her own, she'll be much better off ... both in this country and after she goes home. And you'll get your 'boyfriend' back, but I'm wondering if you really NEED him, since he sounds like a typical 'male chauvinist' even though he may be a 'polite' one ...
2007-02-27 04:50:01 · answer #8 · answered by Kris L 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could try telling him that it's very important to you that the two of you spend time alone together, and that it hasn't been possible with his cousin around all the time
2007-02-27 06:14:18 · answer #9 · answered by eayrin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go over to his apartment and spend time there. That way you will be spending time with him and she will still be there, but in her own space and will hopefully leave you alone. Or do you have some friends she can hang out with? Introduce her to some of your girlfriends.
2007-02-27 04:48:51 · answer #10 · answered by qt3.14 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋