How can I help my 5 year old daughter stop backtalking and being disrespectful?

Question

I had a quiet, shy and respectful 5 year old daughter until she started kindergarten. For about 4 months now she is disrespectful, backtalking and does alot of screaming when I correct her. She didn't act like this while she went to preschool. Before kindergarten I could correct her without all the noise and resistence. what is going on???????

Anybody else have this same problem? Is it kindergarten or just an age milestone for a 5 year old?

any help would be apppreciated!!!!! My hair is going gray fast.

Answer 1

Relax mom, it's a bit of both. I'm mom to a 5 yo and a 6 yo. Both are girls. My older daughter has always been the difficult one, but my younger one was my angel. She never lied to me, or yelled, she was a joy to have around. UNTIL KINDERGARTEN. Now she lies to me, she calls it "tricking me". What I have done with both my girls and my 17 yo son, and it's worked is this. I tell them I don't talk to disrespectful people. Or I tell them I don't talk to people who scream at me. It got their attention when I refused to acknowledge them when they were doing this bad behavior. I also have a rocker in my girls room, and when they get really out of control, I sit the rocker where it's quiet and they can't see TV or anyone, and tell them they have to sit there til they get control. It has worked, especially with my older daughter. Now I simply have to say, Brianna, you get control or I will. She knows if I do, it means sitting alone on her rocker for about 5 min. She doesn't like that. I'd also ask the teacher if there has been anyone out of control at school. Sometimes when my girls have been at their worst, it's because of routine at school being disrupted or because another child was overly energetic at school and it seems to spill over to the other children. I'd still make sure she knows you don't and won't tolerate being talked to that way or treated in such a way. They do understand it. Our children are more advanced than we give them credit for. I hope this helps, from a mom whose already got the gray ..lol..lol.

Answer 2

It is because she is in kindergarten with a new group of kids who might be disrespectful and back talk to their parents. She is learning by observation of her peers. My daughter has just turned 5 and is still in pre-K, but I've noticed lately she gives me sassy answers or attitude. I tell her to stop the attitude or I start taking away privileges or toys. I give her one warning and then the next time I take away watching TV. If she starts talking back I tell her to think about what she is about to say or she might lose more things.

Spanking at this age for backtalking is unnecessary. You can reason with a 5 year old on her level. If she knows you will start to take away things she likes or enjoys, she's more inclined to change her attitude.

I hope this helps, good luck to you.

Answer 3

I believe that spanking is the last resort and reserved for when the child knows what he is doing is wrong and does it anyway in defiance of your authority. At this point, I think you need to talk to you daughter about respect and how calling names and hitting her grandma, or anyone else for that matter, is disrespectful and hurts them not only on the outside but also on the inside. Once she understands explain that if she continues to do that behavior that she will be punished by having things taken away from her, going on time outs, ect. Also, explain that if she still does it she will get a spanking. Hopes that helps!

Answer 4

I agree with Ryan's mom. This is the most effective method and will teach her self control if applied correctly and consistently. Don't talk too much just a brief explanantion and then switch off so that she doesn't get the idea she is getting a lot of lovely attention when she has to do time out. Some children even find 'negative' attention appealing.

Answer 5

Okay I say this will depend on your methods of correcting her. You can use time out (I've found with my four year old this doesn't work) and you can use the soap method if she back talk make her wash her mouth out or there is always a good old spanking. Or you can punish her by no tv for the night or make her tell the other parent or grandparent. Also you can use a pster board with stars or stickers for the week and reward her with a gift at the end of the week if she doesn't back talk you. And this is the rebelous stage. Welcome to it. LOL. but hope this helps you some.

Answer 6

When children start school they have access to much more than you could believe. Sure they will begin their education, learn the importance of routine, and the business of the world outside the home. But what most parents don't expect is the social stress put on the children. Its unavoidable, kids have to go to school. Once in class they have access to materials and tools , but also under or wrongly socialized children. Because you claim your child was so different before school, there is a good chance she picked up some of her new habits from her peers. There is always a bully or a neglected child who takes things out on others. Your daughter may have seen the way this child reacts towards teachers, peers etc. and has seen the power it gets the child. ( 5 year olds often take adults breathes away to the point where we don't know what to do!!! Heck, all kids can! ) The best thing to do is talk to your child about what is making her so upset that she begins to scream etc. If she answers with a simple I don't know, it could be 97% assumed that she is imitating a peer. In this case you could start by talking about how the kids in her class like the teacher, if anyone talks back, if anyone gets sent to the office, or parents are called. This would help narrow down the situation to verbal, physical, or mental abuse by a child towards others in society(in this case your daughters class) If you find that your child truly is picking this up from another student, you can begin to ask questions to test her knowledge of what is right and wrong. If your child tells you her friend shouted at the teacher today , you can ask, how did that make you feel, how do you think the teacher would feel, what would you have done if you were the teacher, and what could you still to to help. By turning the topics around to what she thinks about behaviours shown by others, in turn, she will begin to assess her own behaviour. It is natural for children to test their parents limits, the best way to counter act this stage is to have the child assess their own limits, which will end up being much like yours as they will most often ask you for help! Children also pick up the tone of voice much easier at this age, and tend to react more now and in the early teens to it, so watching how you say things, and telling her that you've watched how you speak to her, will eventually get her thinking twice before she speaks to you, which in the long term will be enormously benificial to both of your emotional health, if speaking calmly, quietly, logically, and tactfully is practise daily. The best solution for your problem is to begin at the school, and her feelings about the behaviours of others. If this does not seem to have ANYTHING to do with what is causing her to become so upset ( which it REALLY REALLY could be. . . ) then assessing your own reactions to situations (dropping something and yelling out a reprimand to yourself etc.)may help. ( This really does not seem to apply to you I mean it in no offense considering your child was well behaved before school, Im sure you are a great parent, with out need of judgement) I wish you luck with the behavioural management of your daughter, and just remember that children don't necissarily choose to act out as they do, its often taught or shown to them by others. (ex. My mom wants me to do my homework, ah, I'm gonna yell at her! vs. When my friend yelled at the teacher because she didn't want to do work. . .she didnt' really have to. . .maybe I'll try it too!!) Through trial and error you'll find the best methods to use with your child, Time Outs do not solve everything, and they don't solve ANYTHING if they arn't use in relation to deep meaningful and insightful social interactions with the parent(s)

Answer 7

Time outs. When she does this make her sit down for 5 minutes. My son is 2 1/2 and I strap him in his booster chair and place it in the corner for 2 minutes. When the time out is over tell her that she needs to speak nicely to you or she will spend a lot of time in the corner.

Answer 8

This always worked for me.....
Don't react to the screaming....act like it does'nt bother you. (don't offer a treat to keep her quiet)
Send to bedroom til it stops. (don't yell back)......at this point tell her, "You can come out when you are nice to Mommy".
If she walks out of room without permission, send her back and say, "Nope, you were mean to Mommy."
When she can come out of her room....give her a hug and say, "Mommy loves you very much".
(Don't offer any treats around this moment, or she'll do it more to get treats.)

Use your discretion for taking favorite toys. (works the same as above)

She probably witnessed a child at school getting what she views as a reward....(special attention from misbehaving)
Kids are pretty literal at this age.

Answer 9

as much as it might hurt you, give her a good ass whoppin. sometimes it only takes one for the child to understand that mommy is NOT playin. and when she acts up tell her that shes gonna get a whoppin. if u whopped her hard enough she might even start to cry cause now she knows that
MOMMY DONT PLAY.
you have to let her know who is in charge. dont give her what she wants all the time. and if she likes to watch Dora or the Disney channel take it away when she talks back you.

or make her stand in the corner for 5 or 6minutes each year of her age add a minute...and make her count , say the alphabet, hold a phonebook. or stand on her tippy toes..

trust me all those methods work. just dont beat the child.

Answer 10

I make my daughter stand in the corner holding a quarter up with her nose. She is not allowed to let the quarter drop or I add another minute to her time.

I also heard this one works but I never tried it... I think it is a little cruel... Make her sit on her knees in the corner hands behind her back on uncooked rice. Ouch!!