My BF--what would u do in this situation......?

Question

So we've been dating for almost a year (a week short), i'm 24 he's 26. In the last few weeks we haven't seen much of e/o because 1. he was sick, and our plans were cancelled b/c i wanted him to feel better. 2. the following weekend he went to the town his friends are in and didn't invite me. 3. during the 3 day weekend he hung out with friends and neighbors and saw movies/played video games w/o inviting me, then the last day he wanted to see me, and i had other plans. (we talked about this, and i told him that i didn't like being the last on his list). He understood. 4. this past friday he asked if i wanted to go to an event, and i said yes. he called on saturday to see if i still wanted to go on sunday b/c of something he and his friends were going to do. i was invited to go along with them, but i said no. and so i was cancelled on AGAIN!

what would YOU do? (is it not a big deal)? what should i do?

he has said sorry 3 times. but actions mean something, not words, right??

and i found other things to do with my friends...i wasn't waiting around for him.

Answer 1

A part of a man's (any man) characteristics is that he likes to be with his friends, to do with them things that u probably don't like doing. i bet that if u went to town and spent the weekend with them u might not have enjoyed urself.

they might have watched **** or done something u don't like to do.

i advise you to talk to him and ask him to be more involved in his life because i'm serious about this relationship. if he is too you'll learn alot of things that you probably didn't know. if ur serious u'll accept them and if he really wants you he'll try to change, but the trick is not to expect him him to.

vice versa for u too

don't make it an all or nothing deal. i mean how do u know that (in point 4) u wouldn't have spent alone time together. it is possible to go out wih his friends and both of u during that long evening talk to each other and spent time alone.

no one is perfect.

Answer 2

Doesn't sound like too unusual a situation... in fact it almost sounds like he just wants space. Guys go through stages like that, I know I did. At one point I too tried avoiding (yes, it sounds harsh, but that's what it boils down to... avoiding) my girlfriend. Looking back, I realize what a bastard I was, but what snapped me out of it was when I was confronted by her, and told that I had to make a decision. Thankfully, I made the right decision (it was tough at the time), and we're still together.

Not to say that he has to hang out with you every waking moment, and vice-versa. It's always important, I think, for a guy to hang out with his guy friends, and at the same time, there's nothing wrong with a girl having a "girls night out" with all her girlfriends. Everyone needs some space, and if we only ever hang out with our girlfriend/boyfriend, things can get old really quick, and at least ONE party will want some space, which sounds like what he's doing.

However, it's one thing hanging out with the guys once a week or every two weeks or so, but to outright be avoiding and not including you is wrong. I say you confront him about it, before it hurts you any more. Tell him that you feel hurt and you expect to be first on his list, as you hope he loves you as much as you love him (make sure to put it this way. Don't come across as a needy, greedy ***** that just wants to be #1 all the time. Make sure you coat your words with sugar. Try to make him see how much you love him and want to spend time with him... if he doesn't feel the same way, suggest taking a break from the relationship, or just calling it off altogether).

May sound harsh and rash, but at some point it boils down to whether both the guy and the girl feel the same way about each other. If it seems the relationship is somewhat one-sided, you should confront him. If it keeps on this way without any significant change (or it looks like he's not trying), then make it clear you're not willing to live this way.

Hope it helps. Let me know what happens! Good luck :)

Answer 3

One serious issue here.....you are coming up to your 1yr anniversary. If this is how it's going to be after 1 year, how will it be the following year...then the year after...and the next?? If he has progressively gotten worse in spending quality time with you, then it's a good sign that you see it now than the next couple of years as you waste your 2-3yr life away with someone who may not be Mr Right. There are times for friends and there are times for your significant other. Coming upon the 1-yr anniversary is a big deal for many people. It's a good start to a foundation of something potential. See if he makes a big deal of planning something with you. Don't remind him of your anniversary date. See how important you are to him when the day comes. That will determine where you stand in his life.We are healthy due to our loved ones being there for us. Will he be there for you to bring a smile to your heart or neglect your day and make you cry within?
Good luck....(happy anniversary, by the way) Hope he remembers =)

Answer 4

Sounds like you two have trouble balancing each other with the rest of your lives. No matter how good a relationship is, you both need time for your friends!!
I'd like to point out that he's trying! You say you talked to him about it, then he invited you along after that! If you say no to the invite, you can't continue to blame him.
Ask him for some one-on-one time this week, but let him choose the day that's best for him. Don't be scared to ask for what you want, but you need to be reasonable as well.

Answer 5

He's being very selfish and is into hanging out with his boys more than you.
Either he does not realize what he's doing and how it's making you really feel, or he's getting bored of doing the routine with you.

Either way, you need to talk to him about it again.
Be very clear (not angry) about how you feel, and that you will go and do other things with other people is this does not stop. Because if you are not a priority to him, then why do you need to be a part of his life?

Answer 6

Tell him how you feel. If he can't make an effort to make you feel better, he's simply not worth your time. Sometimes it takes losing someone to realize how much we care for them. If he's treating you badly, move on. Being alone is better than waiting for a bf who doesn't call and who doesn't follow through with plans. I'd rather know I was going to be home alone on a weekend so I could make my own plans than to give him a chance to cancel yet again. Maybe he's just looking for a way out. Give it to him. Move on, find happiness in your own way.

Answer 7

fauk that flirting with another dude scheme.. that just makes you play down to his lousy level.. EVEN THO IT WORKS.. just take control.. it seems like he's trying to play the "ditch game" aka "the fader" as guys do when they are too immature to break up the correct way with integrity and respect.. they "fade" away until they feel secure that they are out of the girls grasps.. gurls play that game the best but.. this is a guy in your situation so.. just tell him.. face to face if you can.. that you aren't putting up with his redbull*hyt anymore and that you want all of the stuff that the has of your possession at his house.. now after realizing that your the one breaking up with him.. he will one.. either let you go because it's really what he wants.. or two... become insecure as hell.. start asking why (like things are going oh so well) and after you leave he'll call you.. text you.. email you... mail flowers, etc.. like crazy because he realizes now that what he thought he wanted before really turns out to be a mistake... then he's in your playing field again if you want to take him back.. and if that happens please don't be a naive young woman and think "i've got him in the palm of my hand"... that's where you'll mess up.. and then the roles of this situation will be reversed and you'll end up one day regretting it all over again.. either as the victim or the victimizer.... another thing is if he's with his friends most of the time it's prolly them encouraging him to ditch you.... if so... then hey.. let him know whose boss... just have respect for yourself and it will come to you automatic aight love.. good luck!!!

tokyo londons

Answer 8

When it comes to affairs of the heart, it's hard to call. A friend of mine always said that "you never know what's going on between two people, unless you're under the sheets with them" - but, as an outsider looking in (forgive my vague attempt to be the next Dr. Phil) it seems like your boyfriend is just hanging out. You haven't said anything to suggest that he is stepping out on you, so I'm guessing he just likes to "chill out" with his buddies. Guys are ignorant when it comes to girls and our emotions. They don't know that something is wrong unless we tell them. He could just think that this sort of behavior is okay with you. Until you voice that it is not, he will continue to do what it is that he is doing. I hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 9

If it's not a big deal - then what's the big deal? Make sure you have plenty of your own interests and things to do, be independent. If you sense that he's not as eager to hang out with you as he once was - perhaps your relationship is not going so well. Maybe you could talk to him about it. Or, if all of this isn't a big deal - just keep doing what you're doing.

Answer 10

It sounds to me like you are playing games with his affection.

You both are old enough and should be grown up enough to talk about it.

Ask him, instead of asking strangers that will tell you what they speculate.

It is up to you and you're decision as to how much the relationship means to you.

Communication is one of the major breaking pints in any relationship. Without that and trust and love and the desire to make it work you don't have much to go on.