Ok.Here's my story. I'm a 28yr guy, my wife is 32 , we got married a few yrs ago. When we first started dating (i was 22) I kinda told her that I don't want children at the time (if ever) and at first that almost broke us up. After a while she came back to me saying that it was all because she's indian and there's great pressure in indian families to have lotsa kids. I'm not indian, I'm white and I just never had any urge to "procreate", to leave something behind etc. etc., I just feel this world is to upside down to bring another in it, at the most I'd probly want to adopt, although right now my wife and I are on the same position. Besides this, we had to move outside both of our countries, started a whole new life, it's a real struglle so I see that as more of a reason not to think of children. Why do people ostracize me and give me the bad-look if I say I don't want children of my own? Why is it perceived as such a bad thing, and I'm the "monster" that doesn't want kids?
2007-02-27 03:57:49 · 9 answers · asked by jonp1978 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I want to add that I do like kids, they seem to love me most of the time , i like playing w/ them etc, just don't want any of my own. I'm also a very responsible person, I never ran from responsibility, so there's nothing wrong with me concerning parenting, as I see it. I just don't feel I want any of my own kids
2007-02-27 04:01:38 · update #1
I want to say that my wife isn't just respecting my decision, we talked about it a lot, the reason why she wanted kids was to please her family, that's no reason. She actually said a couple of times she feels quite liberated to stand up and do what SHE wants as opposed to what parents want
2007-02-27 04:59:58 · update #2
It is just peer pressure, and family pressure. I had a vasectomy at 21. I am now 40. I have had pressure my whole life to have kids. I have been called “gay”, “un-American”, and all the other things. Well that is too bad. All my friends have no money to go out. Why, because they pay so much child support.
2007-02-28 23:45:58 · answer #1 · answered by Marvin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this is a choice you have made and there is nothing wrong with that. But if your wife wanted kids.. then it was not fair to her and though you loved her.. you should have let her go. This is something that both people should accept in the beginning and know throughout the whole marriage. I think it is great that you are willing to adopt.. but to a woman who can have kids.. it is a total let down as a woman and some how feel inadequate is some way. This may be why you feel like people are saying you are a monster. And with the world the way it is today.. I can totally understand your views about not wanting to submit them to this.. but what if your child is the one that can change the world. So do not think of the world.. think of your life and if not having children is what you want.. then make sure your wife can accept that totally and not have any regrets. I have seen many marriages end because of one wanting children and the other not. Good luck and always stand up for your right.. though all of us do not understand it.. it is still your right!
2007-02-27 12:11:38 · answer #2 · answered by luvthbaby2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong for feeling this way! Some people just don't want kids. I think that most people perceive that if you don't want kids then you don't like kids. Which as you know isn't true. For some reason a lot of the same people that think that way also think it's wrong to have to many children. I wish people would just let others live there lives in happiness. If your wife goes back to wanting kids and you are both OK with adoption I think that that is a great idea. There are lots of kids out there that just need loving parents. Try and not let others get you down!!
2007-02-27 12:19:54 · answer #3 · answered by alaskagirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is human nature to produce, that is the basis of our existence. People are just taken aback because you not only see things different, but are confident enough to voice your opinions. You have a right to your life style choices, just as you have the right to either marry or stay unwed, own a home or rent an apartment. There are a thousand decisions people make every day that differ from others, and it really is nobody else's business, since you are not hurting anyone. Besides, the human race as we know it will not crumble without your offspring! Kudos to you for being logical in your reasoning and having an opinion!
2007-02-27 12:10:44 · answer #4 · answered by A K 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really do not think that alot of the people your talking about are looking at you as being a BAD person. We just do not understand it. What I mean by this, Is i have 2 children and I can not in anyway knowing how much I love my children and How i would love to have more, ( when I can't) just do not understand. And in no way would you ever be able to explain it. I have friends that do not want children. All i can say at this point is if you had children you would understand why we look at you that way. Can you understand ( giving the reasons you gave before ) why we want children. Honestly????
2007-02-27 12:11:39 · answer #5 · answered by Going Crazy 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I feel everyone is entitled that choice but I will add that having a child is the BEST thing in the world. No words can explain it and I wouldn't have it any other way. I repect your deision but hate that you may be missing out and not really realize it. Good Luck to you guys!
2007-02-27 14:58:19 · answer #6 · answered by proud2btysmom 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I see nothing wrong with not having children of your own. Being a parent is a big responsibility!
2007-02-27 13:07:18 · answer #7 · answered by Aumatra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you strongly believe you dont want kids thats your choice .somepeople are stronger for not having them . then the people who have them and dont take care of them . This is between you and your wife and you two are the only ones that know if this will tear you apart or not. best of luck
2007-02-27 12:03:46 · answer #8 · answered by nhmomma2006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want kids you don't want kids its not wrong for you to feel like that but if she wants a child you do have to think about her because if that's something she wants to do (bad!) then you all might not last :(
2007-02-27 12:08:32 · answer #9 · answered by punkin004life 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋