I work with a guy who wants to be more than friends, but I don't see him that way. He is constantly hovering over me. I can't even have a conversation without him being right there even if he's not part of it. He's borderlining stalker, I've had him follow me from my house to the gas station even though he lives an hour away from me. If I park my car at work even two spaces away from him, he moves his car so he can be parked by me. It's driving me up a wall. I didn't ask for a puppy and he's a nice guy so I don't want him to lose his job, but I need some space. What do I do to get him to realize that I'm not his?
2007-02-27 03:25:39 · 13 answers · asked by pixie 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
sometimes nice doesn't work for a guy like thats why you have to tell it how he will get it, take it and live with it.
2007-02-27 04:21:53 · answer #1 · answered by danielj 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know what you consider being "nice", but to protect yourself legally you need to be direct and unambiguous in telling him what behavior is unacceptable. This doesn't mean rude or insulting, but clear enough that a reasonable person can't claim you were leading him on or being unclear. Since he's probably not a reasonable person, it would be good to have witnesses who will go to bat for you. If you don't think this is "nice" and can't do it then you will basically give up your legal protection against workplace harrassment unless he gets physical or threatening.
If he doesn't back off after a clear warning, labor law is pretty much on your side. You have legal protection against all forms of harrassment, whether it's explicitly sexual or not. Start logging all incidents in writing, with witnesses noted where possible. Report the situation to your supervisor. It's very unlikely that this situation alone would get him fired. If the supervisor does nothing or can't fix the situation, the company is skating on thin ice legally. You have the right to file a harrassment complaint with the personnel department. They might try to blow you off because they don't want the paperwork, but they are legally obligated to follow up. If they can't or won't deal with the situation, they are wide open for a lawsuit because they've allowed a hostile work environment, which is illegal, and you can win substantial damages. The case law is so solid in this area that only the most Neanderthal of companies won't try to settle this, so it's unlikely you'd have to actually take legal action. But you should cover yourself legally just in case.
The stalking after work might be illegal too but it's much harder to enforce. If you and your property aren't physically threatened I don't think many police departments will get involved.
2007-02-27 03:51:31 · answer #2 · answered by Houyhnhnm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Madam, well, sometimes when a guy genuinely loves you, he would dosuch things, I myself have pursued a girl (not this way though)., If he's nice, Please be straight forward and tell him to avoid doing such thins, Please dont over react., also try and make sure you are courteous but distant to him; if he's nice he'll get the message, if he still persists then ask any of your family members or friends to talk to him(nicely), if he still persists then you ma report this to his office seniors, and in the view of extreme situations you may seek protection from the police, Handle carefully, who knows he might as well give you a 'surprise' and be a 'good partner'?? please dont be biased,
Warm Regards, Take Care,
Anshuman Dave(Gujarat,India)
2007-02-27 03:39:00 · answer #3 · answered by anshuman d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him straight up why he's doing that and when he answers tell him straight to his face that you feel really awkward about the situation he's putting you in. If you do it nicely he will think you care for him a little more than friends. Good Luck!
2007-02-27 03:30:54 · answer #4 · answered by Bad 33 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to tell him you like him as "just" a friend. sounds like he's lonely & he thinks he may have a chance w/you. Set him straight. or get a guy friend of yours to let him know you're not available & to back off. If all else fails & if he keeps bugging you at work & following you, tell your supervisor. Desperate people sometimes do strange things-be careful.
2007-02-27 03:35:28 · answer #5 · answered by fdrsnail 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The nicest way is to mention how cool it is to have a big brother.
Mention the Big Brother as much as possible....hint hint...
However if he continues to display these types of action, I think you should consider being up-front....he is stalking you...and it is out of line.
Not wanting him to loose his job is nice of you.....but having to put up with him following you and invading your life is scary too.
think about your safety if he continues or takes it to another step.....if you fear this at all....speak up tell someone!
best wishes
2007-02-27 03:32:23 · answer #6 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him nicely you need space, your conversations are private and that you will report him to the boss. That is a form of harassment!!! Away from work, report to the polive ASAP!!!!!!BEFORE you get hurt!!!
2007-02-27 03:31:22 · answer #7 · answered by rhonda_seiler 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well as long as his stalking isn't serious talk to him, tell him that he needs to knock it off and if he doesn't you will talk to your supervisiors about it and or the police. He can loose his job for it. But I would warn him first so he realizes what hes doing
2007-02-27 03:31:55 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Damn poor you! well stop him at a point and tell him to back off.....dont care if nice but tell him make him understand that you dont want anything else with him than friends and he has to understand ....but show him that you are serious
2007-02-27 03:32:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's scary... talk to him and tell him it bothers you that he follows you everywhere. I hope you haven't given him any impression you like him or you like what he's doing...
call the police if he gets persistent after you tell him to back off...
2007-02-27 03:32:18 · answer #10 · answered by TOTALLY CONFUSED 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋