what if you met someone you are not physically attracted to but has all the qualities you are looking for?

Question

would you date him hoping to become attracted to him or what would you do?
I met this guy and he's a christian like myself...we both are serious about our christianity..he really likes me and thinks I'm his future wife...I think he's a great guy, has excellent values and he cares a lot about where his spiritual life is heading...overall a great guy...except that physically I don't find him attractive... I feel bad about this. I don't want to seem superficial but shouldn't there be physical attraction in a relationship too?? Doesn't that matter? what would you do?

Answer 1

I have been on both ends of this issue,,, I was attracted to this guy but he was not attracted to me,,, and it tore me up,, and I have had guys that were not attractive that were attracted to me,, and they just kept loving me and loving me,, and I got past that physical thing,,, and fell in love and was blind to not being physically attracted to them,,, and even after we broke up I still found them attractive,,, even with their querque looks,,, you have to follow your heart,,, that is what the guys would tell me,,, Just follow your heart ,,, best of luck

Answer 2

The way you posed the original question I would answer that your list of qualities does not include a physical attraction. But I doubt that's true. Even in a religiously conservative relationship physical attraction can be important.

Although it might be more charitable to go with someone who you don't feel strongly about, you could be setting yourself for trouble down the line. What happens when that man you do find quite appealing comes into your life? Especially if he also has all the non-physical qualities you are looking for? Being of strong faith you would likely resist the temptation to take action, but how will that then effect your primary relationship?

These are questions you might want to consider before going forward with a relationship you're not sure about. Let me repeat that: a relationship you're not sure about. Doesn't that tell you something right there?

Answer 3

I've done that. Met a great guy. Not at all attractive physically. He was attractive to me because he was smart. He was funny. He was FUN. etc...
However, (here comes the perhaps shallow, but very true part) after a while it just kind of dwindled. He was no longer attractive to me.
I think it is admirable to want to be with a person without appearance as a consideration. But in my personal experience, it did not work out long term.
He sounds like a great guy. Give him a chance. Perhaps, for you, the attraction will grow. Everyone is different.
Good luck. :-)

Answer 4

I knew my current husband for 9 years before we started dating, and was NEVER attracted to him. We were friends as co-workers only. One day, he walked by me and said hi and I got butterflies in my stomach. I have no idea why or how that happened, but now we are happily married. He said he was attracted to me all those years, but honestly, I wasn't attracted to him in the least little bit. Oh, he was funny, nice, easy to talk to. So, if you really LIKE this guy, give it a while and see if the attraction changes. You don't have to rush in to anything. Give it six to 12 months and see where it goes. If nothing else, you will still have a great friend to share your religion with, right? However, if you are STILL not physically attracted to him, do not marry him. It will just turn in to resentment later in your life. Physical, sexual attraction is so very important in a marriage.

Answer 5

Hi

Trust me I would climb the highest moutain to find a man that is decent in nature and has all the qualities that I seek and not to mention is crazy about me too . When you say you are not physically attractive to him are you saying that he is not good looking or physically fit ?

Take it from me good looks are not all what they appear to be . As a GOD fearing woman , beauty is in the eye of the beholder . Look past it and focus on more important things .

Take care
C

Answer 6

Attraction now doesnt mean happiness later. I recently let down my top 10 list of things a perfect guy should be,and settled for someone who has values, is respectful and loves me and my children , even though sometimes I DO find other men MORE attractive... I am happy I know I am loved and respected. ALot of those "pretty boys" are jerks anyway!!

Answer 7

I would at least give it a shot. There are people that the more you get to know, the more attractive they become to you. Sounds like he may be worth the time to at least give it a try. If you just absolutely are not attracted to him after awhile, just be as honest as you can with him and be friends. I know me personally, there has to be some attraction there for me to be with someone . But like I said, there are people who do become more attractive to you the more you are with them. So, give it a chance before you end it.

Answer 8

I've been in that situation a few times. In my experience it is very important to be physically attracted to someone - and in my experience this attraction doesn't grow.

There's nothing worse than sleeping with someone you dont fancy - it just makes you feel a bit sick!

Answer 9

I think that you should give it a shot if he has all the qualities that you're looking for. I mean, you should be a little physically attracted to someone that you like, but in the same token his attributes may overpower his physical looks and take away from them making it easier for you to just like him for who he is. give it a shot, it may work out!

Answer 10

Darn girl...I know that must be hard. I may be a guy in a similar situation. I sure hope you consider him in all aspects. He may not be totally attractive, but would you give him a chance? I know I am biased, but give the guy a chance if you think you could spend your life with him!