My girlfriend and I are in our forties and have been together for over a year she has 4 kids and I have a 15 yaear old son . Her kids range from 10 - 15 and they have know me for a year. We are very much in love but I am starting to feel some resentment . Her ex has the kids half the week and she has the other when she has them its like I don't exist I will not hear from her she will never talk on the phone when they are around she will always wait till they go to bed before she will call me , I spend time with all of them and she acts like I am a friend never has she said that she loved me , hugged me or god forbid given me a kiss in front f them . I understand that they are kids but I think that after a year of being around them she can start to let on her feelings about us to them , I feel that by this time we should be further along she has talked about us living together , I dont see how that can ever happen with the way things are now . I feel she is obsesed with the kids.
2007-02-27 03:08:38 · 10 answers · asked by el diablo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We have talked about this issue for some time and she knows how I feel yet it continues I feel that she is hiding our relationship from her kids .
2007-02-27 03:19:32 · update #1
You are most definately NOT being unreasonable.
It is vitaly important for children to see that parents love each other. In this case, you are dealign with a broken home and you aren't necessarily the father, but the principle is the same. Thhese kids will never see their mother and father in a loving type of situation, so they need that type of closeness modeled for them in another way.
It is good for her to have been cautious in the begining so as to sheild them from getting attached if things did not work out, but since that time, things have progressed with you two and she should be morew open to sharing her life and ove with her children so that they can understand that it is possible to begin again and to find love again.
Good Luck to you......Be cautious though in the way you approach her about this. Don't let your resentment show through in a negative light, just let her know that it is begining to hurt you that she hides her feeling for you from her children. Let her know that you really do care for her and that you aren't going to hurt her like her ex did. That you want to help her give her children stability and hope for a love relationship. That should pave the way for her comfort levels to grow.
if you wan to IM me for any additional help i would be happy to talk with you.
God Bless
2007-02-27 03:20:49 · answer #1 · answered by brookebjpl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're honestly jealous of this woman's relationship with her kids, then you have some issues and you need to either explore them honestly, or just date single women, who can make you their #1 priority. No good mother will ever be able to do that for you, nor should she. Taking care of and protecting her children should ALWAYS be her first obligation.
If it's just a matter of wanting to be more of a part of the family's life as a whole, sit her down and tell her that you would like to spend more time with the family, and that you would like the children to see you two more as a couple than as a couple of buddies, because you love her and you plan on sticking around for a long time. But only say that if it's true. Is it? DO you eventually want to marry this woman and help raise her children full time?. Because bringing you into the family when you're only passing through is just irresponsible and wrong to do.
A year isn't that long to be together, and I don't think is long enough to be thinking about living together. Just chill out and try to think about this as a positive, rather than a negative. For instance, you've got lots of freedom to enjoy yourself. Hang out with your buddies on the nights when you're free. See movies, work out, do whatever you like. And let your time with her be stress free, since you've had all that time off in between.
Good luck.
2007-02-27 11:22:50 · answer #2 · answered by Vix 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to say all of that to her. If you really love her and do want her to show and tell her kids this then you best talk to her about it. Split ups are very hard on kids, i know as my mum and dad are divorced and both remarried. Personally i like seeing my dad show affection to his wife and vice versa and it reassures me he is happy. Likewise with my mum. But i am 27 now and when they first got together i was 13 and felt very awkward and not sure if i liked this set up. You've done the right thing by hanging back and not forcing the situation but she does need the kids to know whats going on or they wont trust her. She & you should sit down with them and talk things through. You need to explain that you're not there to take there mother away but want to be there for her and them. Good Luck
2007-02-27 11:18:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well first of all those are her kids, she has every right to put them before all. she sounds like an excellent mother. But i would suggest talking to her about the way she treats u. explain and see her side of the story....tell her she could show some affection in front of the kids. talk to her. explain to her what u just explained to her. she'll never know if you dont tell her somethings wrong. good luck! hope it works out....seems like you two work together.
2007-02-27 11:14:03 · answer #4 · answered by AE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen buddy,
I have had a few girl friends in my so far short life. I have never dated anyone with kids but if she is spending more time with the kids and her ex and very little time with you she probably is hinting to you to leave. I would ask her if she prefer if you left and be prepared for the worst.
Dont be heart broken if she does want you gone. thats just how women are.
best of luck mate!
2007-02-27 11:15:13 · answer #5 · answered by 333(i'm only 1/2 evil) 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
She will never be able to give full attention to you relationship. If you want this relationship to prosper you will have to make alot of scarifies.The kid problems are only going to get worse.she is not obsessed with her kids it is alot of work to raise four kids. marriage is the only option if that is not possible get out now!!!!
2007-02-27 11:23:37 · answer #6 · answered by RNDiva 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is a tuff one man. It is up to her to cotroll this. You need a long heart to heart with her.
2007-02-27 11:14:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope, your not being unreasonable. this definetely has to be put out in the open.
2007-02-27 11:13:09 · answer #8 · answered by whatever 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to talk to her about your feelings.
2007-02-27 11:12:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if its worth it then you should have more patience..
a year is barely anything...
2007-02-27 11:13:38 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋