my boyfriend of 4 years has been e-mailing an old girlfriend. He was married when we started seeing each other and moved downstairs while getting a divorce. This went on for 2 years until she moved out. During this time he spent every minute with me he could but he always went home at night. I found out last year that his wife had moved out 9 months before and he'd never told me. Also I found his profile on yahoo personals. I broke up with him. 2 months later he fought to get me back promising to introduce me to his family, have me over to his house, and make me the "happiest woman alive". He has done all of this and he's bought a house in north carlolina that we are moving to. However this girl from last year has e-mailed him a few times and his response has always been "when can we have lunch". Last week he tried to have her over to his house and made sure I would be working during that time. He has low esteem because he's overweight. Should I let it go or confront him?
2007-02-27 01:10:34 · 20 answers · asked by Anastasia S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
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exactly. he is a cheater. he obviously can't seem to stop. it is his nature. you can do better than that.
2007-02-27 01:17:05 · answer #1 · answered by Hello Kitty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Low self-esteem or not, it is still very unhealthy to have another person mixed into a relationship. If it was someone whom you both know, it shouldn't be a problem. But if it is someone whom he is encouraging a lunch date without you being around, then there are issues rising from this. It was bad enough for him to keep information from you and now wanting to have lunch with someone he met on line or someone from his past in hopes of raising his self-esteem is not a good sign of making you happiest person alive. This doesn't exactly make you happy, now does it? I would sit him down and confront him about this and share your feelings. It didn't indicate if you are married to him or not, I would assume you are. But this action may mean professional help for the both of you before it can damage your marriage further. A person can't use self-esteem as an excuse for everything. You can only help and encourage him so far but he will need to work hard at it too!
By the way, how did you find a personals profile? Did you go there to set one up or seeking someone new? That is another troubled sign. A marriage counselor may be in need here.
I wish you the best in seeking some answers out and help your dilema.
2007-02-27 09:35:15 · answer #2 · answered by indyhype 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's anything that makes you question or uncomfortable you should always confront him, just to have open communication in what's bothering you. The fact that he is trying to sneak while you are at work to meet with her is a huge red flag! Good Luck, I know what you are feeling and I hope it works out.
2007-02-27 09:15:53 · answer #3 · answered by ○•○•Cassie•○•○ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he is interested in her. He is still not over her even if she is from the past like you say. Maybe he doesn't even realize this. For your own sake you have to confront him. Ask him why he wants to see her? Why is her so interested in her? You deserve honesty and yes once a cheater, always a cheater. Good luck!
2007-02-27 09:26:50 · answer #4 · answered by EV 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its called staying "IN HIS COMFORT ZONE!!" And who better to stay in his comfort zone with then someone who already knows him!! Alot of guys, and girls dont want "Strange" as my EX-used to call it... So, he went and cheated on you with someone he already knows. And to be honest I feel sorry for you & her!!! You need to remember, they think with their other head alot of the times, and finding someone who's "Faithful" is very "Rare", because maybe she did some things in the bedroom you never did, or do. And that may be why he just "Used Her" for a one night stand.. How sad is that.. Dont allow this man to make you feel insecure, be yourself, and find a better man, who knows how to be "Faithful" hun, believe it or not they are out there!!! And if I were you, I'd go and leave before you give your heart to this guy anymore than you already have, you know. Screw all of that!! I hate "GAMES!!!" That's why I'm "SINGLE!!" I went through 18 years of cheating, and lies, and you name it, he did it too me!!! I know my EX cheated on me, more than a 'Dozen times!!!" I found proof everywhere!! He's an idiot for treating me the way he did, because he'll never find another woman, who was as "Faithful or good to him" as I was!! I'd just get moving , and looking for another man, as soon as possible, and just thank-God, you never married him!!! Time to start a "New Life" without him, hun!! Or you'll never trust him again, and you'll just be miserable, all the time, you know. Good Luck to you!! Smile! It'll get better the sooner you start looking elsewhere for someone who knows, how to treat a Lady, and is the "Faithful Type".
2007-02-27 09:36:59 · answer #5 · answered by Hmg♥Brd 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you don't want to hear this but it sounds like he is playing you.
And about letting it go, NO never let someone cheat on you and let it go.
how you got in the relationship should have shown you that he was a player.
good luck and I hope you get this worked out before you move in with him.
2007-02-27 09:17:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
was the girl your bf ex-gf or just someone he was corresponding to? Take my own case, my ex cheated on his new girl with me becuase he never truly loved her . so if the girl is your boyfriend's ex. you have to move on. But if she is just a girl he wanted to have lunch with. if I were you, I will tell him I would like to see the girl too because his friend is my friend too. This is a very subtle way to let him know I know what he is doeing behind my back.
2007-02-27 09:19:50 · answer #7 · answered by eggyaya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you let it go he'll cheat but then again with some of the stuff you wrote I'm not sure he really wants to be with you full time anyway!
2007-02-27 09:17:39 · answer #8 · answered by Karen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The same that you get him is the same way you lose him. What made you think taht he would be faithful to you when he was not faithful to her? Sorry sweetheart this is how the game is played. You cannot expect him to be more of a man because he is with you now.
2007-02-27 09:15:36 · answer #9 · answered by Nicole C 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Look it seems as though he needs to be alone to see if a relationship is the best thing for him, distance makes the heart grow fonder.
2007-02-27 09:23:34 · answer #10 · answered by aisha c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confront him what is wrong is wrong no matter what the excuse may be
He may still have feelings for her and even may want to get back with her
2007-02-27 09:20:55 · answer #11 · answered by SAgirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋