I have been dating this man for 3 years, living together for 2. We have a baby together. Hes older then me, and has been married before. And one of our biggest problems is that he doesnt want marriage with me, or more kids.(1st wasnt planned)
I am Canadian, and he is Swiss. I moved to Switzerland for him. And lately we have had a big life change with the baby and him having a better job. I dont speak German, and cant really communicate with anyone but him.
I have been really unhappy in our relationship. He will stay up until 3am on weekdays playing video games, and 6am on weekends. I take care of the baby AND his other 2 kids. He knows how I feel, but says he "cant love me anymore then he does, he has other things to worry about". And it hurts, I know he is stressed, and we fixed that he can go out once a week to relax, but it doesnt make a difference in our relationship.
I am unhappy, but if I leave him he will never see his son. Hes so unwilling to change or work on "us".
2007-02-26 23:51:07 · 25 answers · asked by kasia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We arent married. And if I leave him, I dont speak German, I only have my living permit for Switzerland, I cant possibly work and support myself.
I dont want to be a controlling *****, and when I take away his video games he just leaves for the night anyway. Ive tried for 6 months, I guess it is best that I just leave him. I just wanted my son to have both his mother and father, and being 6,000km away really is messed up.
Ive tried everything, Ive asked him to go to counciling he wont. I have talked calmly, yelled at him, cried, I tried compermising so he could go out and I watch the kids, I even buy him video games as his birthday and christmas gifts so he can see that I am putting him before myself, and hope that he would follow. But he doesnt.
I am not angry, I am just really sad. I risked alot to be with this man. And I know I should leave him, I just wish he would get it through his head instead of being like this. I wish there was a better answer then, leaving.
2007-02-27 00:08:50 · update #1
Thats because he turned you into a babysitter. You need to spend quality time together. You need communication in your relationship. In order to have a happy successful relationship you need harmony, and be considerate of eachothers feelings. He needs to stop playing videogames and learn to do things with you that make you feel loved and happy. Bring you flowers, take you places romantic, and truly care about your feelings.
2007-02-26 23:55:24 · answer #1 · answered by be my Angel :) 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm very sorry that you are going through this. It must be an extremely difficult situation for you. Your kind of stuff between a rock and a hard place. It seems that you are so unhappy now that if you do stay with him in Switzerland, then eventually you will grow even more tired of it and resent him for it later. I would tell him that you have made a big change in your life moving to a completely different place for him. It seems like he is either totally unaware how you feel, or he really doesn't care about your situation. I know it may sound crazy or like a bad idea, but I would give him a choice. Either he make you more of a priority in life, or he can begin visiting his son in Canada. It's just weird that he has no problem with you taking care of all of his children. Where is their mother, and why didn't they work out? That may give you some clue to why he behaves the way he does. It seems like he is just using you. Good Luck!
2007-02-27 00:03:53 · answer #2 · answered by Whitney S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ohh...it seems to be that you are going through a terrible time. Breaking up with some one you love is not that easy as you think. Specially, in your case since you are with a kid.
Normally, guys tend to play video games till late night just to avoid talking. So as I see, I think from your part also there are some things that you have to adjust.
The universal rule is "you get what you give". So love him unconditionally, so with the time he will also may start to love you back. But dont expect it to happen within few weeks or months. It may take even a year or so. Try to win his heart, then ultimately you will have him forever. And obviously, he will marry you if he is satisfied with you.
As far as I see, I think that trust part is missing in your relationship, which is a must for a successful relationship. So try to build it up.
Again I m saying, it'll not be easy as you thinkto live without the one you love.
Anyway, all the best to you!!!!
2007-02-27 00:10:05 · answer #3 · answered by banju 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm glad he gets a chance to go out while you raise 3 kids!
WHAT ABOUT YOU? Aren't you worth more than that? Leave! Now! If you leave, he won't see his son? Seems to me its more important to go out with his friends or play video games than being a father.
I'm truly sorry for your situation, but it doesn't seem like he is going to change at all, judging the info here. Either accept your current situation, because it will ALWAYS be that way, or get out and have a better life.
2007-02-27 00:11:51 · answer #4 · answered by tombollocks 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One-sided relationship are stressful enough without having kids involved. I really bad for your situation. It is hard to deal with age differences in a relationship as well and then throw in having an unplanned child in there too. Plus on top of all that, you are in a foreign land which you have no real communication to make friends or having someone you can come to for help or to chat confidentially. If I had the money, I'd send you a pair of tickets for you and your child to start a new life here in the states. But to be realistic here.....
I don't know what kind of rules and regulations there are in the countries mentioned dealing with one parent taking a child away from another parent (whether married or not). There are certain legal issues which would need to be addressed here and that makes it more difficult to leave.
He sounds like he is done with any family care much less marital concerns. If he knows of your concerns and unhappiness and is very adamant about not helping you in any way, and unwilling to make changes to assist you in any fashion, I would highly recommend seeking a divorce. You have very lil to lose with possessions from your marriage since you moved to him. He cares very lil of his own kids let alone the child he and you created unplanned so it sounds like he doesn't care what what you do. You do not need to slave over a family which you feel love from other than your own. Give yourself and your child a better and happier life away from him if he is unwilling to give any love to you or to your child. It will be rough going if you have little or nothing to fall back on. Hopefully you still have family back home where they can assist you until you can get back on your feet.
Without knowing the full details of the whole situation, I truly think (and believe) that your life and your child's life, would be in better hands elsewhere. Your love is wasted away on someone who no longer cares for you and only giving you more burden with his own kids without any assistance of his own. A happier heart alone is far better than a sadden heart locked in that unloved home. See what you can get in assistance back home. Please let me know how it turns out...I would like to hear a happier ending from you. I hope for the best with you and your child. =)
2007-02-27 00:08:42 · answer #5 · answered by indyhype 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK if hes not willing to change what so ever then you need to leave and make your son and yourself a lot happier. your not very healthy in this relationship and you need to get out. Why be with someone who isn't there for what you want and need. Move back with your family right now because they are the people that will do anything for you. And he doesn't want anymore kids anyways so don't worry about how he wont be able to see his son, like you said it wasn't planned.. hes got kids of his own and if he cant take care of them himself then hes in trouble. go out and do something for yourself.. put your foot down and tell him what you want.. good luck!
2007-02-26 23:58:56 · answer #6 · answered by Stefanie-Marie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First off, forget the idea of not seeing his son as a reason to stay. It sounds to me even with him there he dosn't see him or his two other children. He may know how you feel---BUT--- he dosn't care how you feel. He knows he has you right where he wants you and this is called controlling. He only cares and loves himself and will never change because he thinks that there is nothing wrong with him , that the problem is you.
2007-02-27 00:11:58 · answer #7 · answered by judy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you need to do what you can to save yourself....you are recognizing that you are losing yourself and change needs to happen...If he really cares for you he will pay some more attention to you, maybe see some marriage counseling....give you some time for yourself...I would say if he can't do any of these things for you, then it is time to move on...sounds to me like he is using you to care for his other 2 children...what man and woman in a loving relationship would feel a child between the two of them is a mistake? Maybe he doesn't realize how much he really does love you and won't unless it is taken away from him...Sounds like things have been very comfortable for him and he doesn't want to bother 'rocking the boat'...as long as you don't complain....he isn't going to change anything....you do it all for him....
Good luck Hun....
2007-02-26 23:59:10 · answer #8 · answered by ♥Minnie Mouse♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would leave sounds like he has you around for a babysitter, take your son and leave if he want anything to do with him then he will see him, but if you stay in a relationship with someone you dont love then you will be ruining both of you lives.
2007-02-27 00:04:01 · answer #9 · answered by bradosmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your not happy break away, your child will not benefit from being brought up in an unhappy atmosphere. If the only reason you are staying with him is the fact that your son will not see his father again that is not a great reason. True he wont see a lot of his son, but that would be his own fault for not trying or comprimising. You can arrange visits for him to see his boy.
Do ehat you need to do to be happy, but realise your not trapped. Good luck x
2007-02-26 23:56:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋