My BF came home last night told me there is a staff party for his work and that he is going to get paid to be the Designated Driver. To and from the Occassion and then to a party at the end of it all.
I got angry with him and said that I didn't think it was apppropriate for him to be doing this when he doesn't allow me to go out to parties and I am in the house 24/7 with kids.
He got angry told me its for work, accused me of being controlling, insecure and said that he would quit his job. I am not controlling or insecure, I was simply telling him that If I can't go out with my friends to parties, then he shouldn't be allowed either.
Am I being unreasonable for making him do what he expects of me? Be honest.
2007-02-26 23:20:45 · 17 answers · asked by Java Queen 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I should add in that he's a bus driver, who will be driving other bus drivers around, they woill be paying for his pop.
2007-02-26 23:21:51 · update #1
He says that he wont allow me to go to parties because I would be drinking etc. He knows what happens when pple drink. If there are drunk women where he is, isn't that the same thing.
2007-02-26 23:23:05 · update #2
It sounds very odd of him to have you confined to the home to look after the children 24/7. While i do find the circumstances of the argument as an isolated incident reasonable, put into the background which you've mentioned gives me pause.
The accusation of you being controlling seems rather ironic, seeing how he is the one confining you to the home, which is likely to be motivated by insecurities of his own and the associated fears. Its odd that you worded it as "quitting his job", a desginated driver isn't so much a job, as it is a little task which he is being paid for.
As for parties and the mention on drinking, if you have a history of being a wild party animal, its easy to understand his forboding. However if you have been controlled in previous outings, it would be harder to understand, but the way its worded makes me wonder.
Though your mention of drunk women at his party being the same thing is valid, its also lacking somewhat. To put it simply, he fews you as his exclusive properly, and doens't want you to get drunk, and in the process of it, perhaps give your time and attention to men other then himself.
I'd like to give you a more distinct answer, but i do apologise, there isn't quite enough information for me to work on.
It does not seem to be a very healthy relationship however, rather then one based on mutual trust, compassion and comprimise, you seem to be locked in a rather untrusting relationship, heavy with a fight for control, and a unsatisfied and unhappy overtone to it.
2007-02-26 23:48:23 · answer #1 · answered by Dai S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you both need some time as adults in social situations. You boyfriend will be working so he sees it as supporting the family but you are upset because it will mean a whole day and night on your own with the kids. Make time to go out together say once a month without the kids and once a month each on your own. When you became parents you did not stop being individuals as well.
2007-02-26 23:29:11 · answer #2 · answered by Lilly11a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I know how hard and boring it can be staying home 24/7, but relationship isn't always about keeping scores, or being even. Most of the time, it takes compromising and being very-very understanding. You are being honest to say exactly what you feel, talking to spouse always takes more than that. Along with being honest, you need to be sweet and sensitive to his reasons. That way, he'll start being the same way with you.
2007-02-26 23:32:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are being unreasonable. After all it's not like he is drinking. And if he's getting paid for it then I think it's a good choice. Just tell him to take the extra money and take you out to a party and let you drink and he can drive you home.
2007-02-26 23:28:41 · answer #4 · answered by whatever 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are right! He shouldnt be allowed to do it, if your not allowed. Dont be hard on yourself, you are not controlling or insecure, He is just being a jerk.
I think its dumb that he is doing that, and Im sorry you have to deal with it, but if he does go, He will wish he would have never gone.
He if goes, Get mad at him and wait till he says he is sorry. But you are being reasonable and your okay.
2007-02-26 23:24:42 · answer #5 · answered by Encouragement 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it is the part of his job ,you should not stop him,
you can not compare with your's party bcos your party is not the part of the job.
if he is a house husband & you do some job , you will have to attend parties & he will have no reason to stop you.
Ofcourse keep your eyes open that he is honest to his reason for party
2007-02-26 23:31:01 · answer #6 · answered by sk 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is either up to something or he is really "working" for money to take care of you and your kids.
I can see where you would be upset, what is good for one should be good for another. Try having a party with your girlfriends at your place. What could he say then?
2007-02-26 23:28:10 · answer #7 · answered by twyla 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
for inspecting this case need to have more details but simply if he goes to party that can you be with him,then he isn't interested you and wanna be out of home but if the party is a sequence of work that you can't go with him ,say your request kindly and accuse in calm.
2007-02-26 23:37:38 · answer #8 · answered by ahmadan 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's the one being controlling, untrusting, (seriously? he thinks he's better off drinking than you would be?) and applying a double standard.
You are NOT his child.
Tell him he can go if he stops trying to control you. He's your boyfriend, not your husband, and you can leave him if this gets ugly.
2007-02-26 23:27:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a job. Not the ideal situation, but it is a job. I would let him do it but you two need to renegotiate this ban on going out with friends. Don't worry, he is going to see a bunch of skanks and be thankful he has you. Then when its your turn...same thing....going out is not all it is cracked up to be.
2007-02-26 23:29:25 · answer #10 · answered by Li 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋