Do you think i was in the wrong or my friend ?And what shall i do about it?

Question

A (supposedly)friend is getting with this boy,This boy though went to my boyfriends school and has explained to me how he usto be a lying and miniplitive player and cheat,because many of my mates from this players area has also explained what he is like i didnt want my friend getting hurt, because of upsets in the past with previous relationships each time crying to me on the phone for over 5hours with heartbreaks of boys hurting her i decided to lightly break to my friend that the boy she is getting with was a player and hurt alot of girls before,just to warm her so she wouldnt get hurt again.If i hadnt of told her and she had got hurt and she new i new about him being a player she would of been even more hurt and lashed out on me.Once i told her she told that player straight away what i told her and what he was like and he shouted at me,after this he wanted to prove that what i had done by telling her was wrong,s he got my friend involved and she said that i have known you-the player

So infront of my face i think she stabbed me in the back my saying that Ohh well ive known you for ages-3months(the player)and i believe you wouldn't do anything to hurt me so yes i think telling me about him was wrong" so then i thought ok i wont help her again after giving it a day or two to cool down i then then started speaking to her to find out that player was going get people to beat me up,i explained on the phone to my friend that i might be getting beaten up for helping her out and she didnt care! she said"dont worry" SO is that a friend and was i in the wrong ?Help

Answer 1

Based on what you wrote (it was a little hard to follow), you were in the wrong for butting in where you didn't belong and where your opinion was not asked for.

You used a person's past behavior against him and turned it to your own persuasions. Face it, you told your supposed friend about this boy to alleviate the possibility that you wouldn't have to deal with her being upset and crying on the phone to you. So you did what you did to make YOU feel better, not to help your friend.

You were self-serving and judgmental. Neither trait is admirable.

Answer 2

First off I think you were brave to get involved. Only time will tell if the player moves on and you friend is hurt again. I hope you do not get "beat up" or hurt in anyway. I do think you friend will get hurt again and end up on the phone with you. Just don't say anything like "I told you so" or such. She is learning the hard way, and she will find out that friends like you are hard to come by. But in the mean time, stay out of it. She made the bed, and now has to lay in it. But when she comes back, and I think she will, be the friend she will need, not a condescending prig.

Answer 3

I think your intentions were good, but you are yet to learn an important lesson in life. Minding your own business is hard yet important. Hard because you don't want to see your friends hurt. Important because when your friend are "in love" or think they are, they will not let anything or anyone stand in their way. They won't beleive you, even if the guy is in front of them having sex with someone else, they will make that your fault for getting in their way. So instead, just say "I have heard he has a reputation, so just be careful and know I support you either way". It's their life so the ball is in their court. You have to stay out of it.

Answer 4

You were trying to give your friend a heads up to what she was getting herself into. Unfortunately she didn't want to listen. I hope you don't get beat up over this!
If you really like her as a friend then just be there for her, for when he does cheat on her and break her heart. I don't see anything wrong with letting her know what you know about the guy she wants to go out with.
It sounds like your friend just wants to do what she wants to do. I think she is desperate to feel needed or loved and is craving to find that with a guy.
Give her time maybe she will learn what you know and realize you were only trying to spare her feelings down the road.

Answer 5

You did your duty as a friend to warn her of his fellow, doing so at risk to yourself whats more. Having being motivated by your concern for your friends well being is moving, and i certainly applaud your actions.

In this instance, i think you should back off now that you've said your part, and done whatever you can. You've warned your friend, and now its up to her to make a choice on what to do. If she makes the wrong choice and alienates you, then the price is hers to pay.

So in this instance, you could say, "I'm telling you this out of concern for you, but if you choose not to believe me and follow your course, then i will respect that decision."

Now stand aside, and prepare to comfort your friend when the player inevitable hurts her. When that happens and you still are ready to accept her with open arms, it would reinforce the friendship that was broke, and encourage her to trust you more in the future.

Answer 6

This could turn out to be a costly lesson for you. You felt you had to "do the right thing" and tell your friend, but you shouldn't have. But you already know that, don't you?

Maybe by saying not to worry, she was telling you that nothing is going to happen; maybe they've called the beating off, or maybe it never was on.

Just lay low and avoid these people for a while.

Answer 7

I dont think you were neccesarily wrong but I have come to realize that people are blinded by love/lust that no matter what you say, they wont believe it, Knowing that, I would have just left it alone but along time ago I would have said something and have been in a similiar situation.

Answer 8

1. not so

Answer 9

your friend should be thankful for a friend like you. People can change this is true but it doesn't happen in a short amount of time and you were right to let her know how he was. Let her make the decision as to whether or not she should continue her relationship with him but keep your phone handy for the next 5 hour crying session. just don't say "I told you so" when it happens