My boyfriend is upset with me and he is not contacting me. He explained to me that he is going through a lot of stress at work, he doesnt like his current job, he had an argument with his boss, he is trying to find a new job while he works full-time. He told me last week that he is really down about everything. He told me that he needs time to focus and some time for himself. I had a hard time to deal with his distancing and questioned him about his feelings and our relationship. He was trying to explain things to me but now he is upset as I became needy of him a couple of days ago again. He said that Im making things hard for him and I dont support him. I told him that he does not seem to care about our relationship so much anymore and he got upset with me. I apologised and said I will let him concentrate but he said to me that I never stick to what I say. Now I have not heard from him since 2 days? I want to talk to him and make things right but should I contact him?
2007-02-26 22:21:46 · 20 answers · asked by violet b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
give him space
2007-02-26 22:24:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should let him be for a little bit. I know that you think you're gonna die of neglect if you dont hear from him every other hour but he's going through something and if you do this wrong your going to upset whatever it is going on in his head even worse.
Its great when a couple can talk about everything, but sometimes some soul searching needs to be done. When we reach a crossroads like this, we often already know what your opinion is going to be or it involves you directly so it cant be worked out yet by talking to you. Either he has to figure out and get it straight in his head by himself or he needs to talk to another friend for 3rd party advice.
The other thing, when you question us about how we feel about a relationship we would rather get a hacksaw and cut our foot off than answer you. When you add that question on to the boss ordeal and him looking for a new job, you seriously did not help the situation and he's avoiding you because you brought up that specific question.
If you want to be a go to person for him. You need to develop a sense of security. The biggest problem here is, the second he needed some time to think about something you immediately jump into the "OMG is he breaking up with me" thing. It wasnt about you, but you added yourself in as a problem because you became insecure about it.
Get control of your emotions. Many a relationship are ruined because of this exact thing. I know this because when I was young I did some of this myself and didnt see what i did until years later.
2007-02-27 06:25:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi violet,
As far as I am concerned, a relationship is a responsibility amongst other things like work, family, home, car and so on...If you have one you make time for it...If you mattered to him, I feel that he would reassure you rather that getting upset.. He should also understand that you mean well and are just asking for reassurance to a certain degree...
If I have a job, home, kids, car, myself ; then I want to make sure that I have the time for them all a little here, a little there..
Everyone deserves to be able to feel accepted and that they matter, and that MOST OFTEN starts with us...
Ask yourself>>>Why would I settle for less??? I would never treat him as such, why does he do it to me,,why do I take it??
I just feel as if he care a little bit, he would want to show you... If you are overwhelmed with things, do you ignore him??? then, why take it??
Please respect yourself enough to say: NO, I am not settling for less.. Either way, I will wish you all the best... Maybe try a co-dependency group in your area..It shows you a great deal.. I went after I lost my MOM cos people were overstepping and I did not understand why I was not has strong in that category as I was before.. Good luck all the same..
2007-02-27 06:37:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a relationship
he aint going no where
He just needs space to sort out his work problems.
I am exactly the same when i have problems i want space and like to be on my own to think stuff through. Meaning i dont speak to my boyfriend for a few days properly.
By adding to his stress he will hate you more than his job...and you will become the problem and not his job
Let him deal with his job say ure there for him if he needs it and wait for him to contact you
if its get to like a week and not hearing anything just send a little message saying i miss you hope your ok.
if it does get to a week u should be a little pissed off cos hes ure boyfriend how dare he not contact u for a week...a little selfish
he will be in touch in a few days cos he will miss u dudejust hang back and let him sort himself out
2007-02-27 06:52:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no dont contact him ... give him the space he needs and let him be the one getting in touch !
there is no point in pushing something and most of the times , even if our intensions are only for the good , they been taken as something negative !
i can understand u as i have been in a somehow same situation but staying away is the best u can do right now !
good luck x
2007-02-27 06:29:09 · answer #5 · answered by athina68 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If i was you i would give him more time before contacting him he knows how you feel you should let him sort himself out. obviously if you both have something worth keeping he will be in touch soon. I know its hard to stay away when your worried but it will work in your favour in the long run
2007-02-27 06:30:47 · answer #6 · answered by karen333342 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are u mentally challenged or smth? why do u keep posting the same question over and over again every day several times a day? can't u at least concoct smth new? or u don't speak english and just took this part from some magazine?
2007-02-27 07:19:47 · answer #7 · answered by jacky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's asked for space so give it to him. He has enough going on with out you adding to it and if you keep on you may push him away for good.
Right now he needs your support and you are being selfish by being all needy
2007-02-27 06:27:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
HOLD! No matter how much you wanted to contact him, remember men need space, just bear with him for a few more days, eventually he will know how important you are to him.
2007-02-27 06:28:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the new girl in his life it taken too much of his time from you. You could call him and he might let you know that he is ending things. You should just wait until he calls you and gives you the news.
2007-02-27 06:29:02 · answer #10 · answered by cornbread3604 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you might be the only thing keeping him going..he might not tell you but when everything is falling apart for a man his women becomes his safe haven believe men don't normally admit that.
don't give him more problems give him more solutions...listen,be attentive,make him feel like your the only person who never gives him a problem...he will come much closer and often.
good luck
2007-02-27 07:52:04 · answer #11 · answered by lucky 7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋