Why is it when people want to get close to me I get scared?

Question

I really get scared and literally go into hiding or otherwise try to avoid them. Friends or boyfriends. And when I do break-down and hang out with them, I get so drained from the experience. Any help would be very appreciated. Thank you.

Answer 1

Well, I think you're scared of losing them. Either that or you're nervous about them seeing you as you really are. Have you had a lot of deaths in your family? Or are you not being open or honest about something in your life?

I only ask that because I do the same thing and those are some factors that my therapist and I have identified that might have contributed to it. I was very depressed for a very long time, and I never wanted to have my friends and family see that side of me, so I'd avoid them. Cancel plans, dinners, etc... When I did go out with them, it was tiring because I felt like I had to watch everything I said or did so I wouldn't alert them to how much I was really suffering. I felt like they were all of the 'good' in my life so I just couldn't ever clue them in to my problems.

Basically, the people dearest to me are like these beautiful, extrememely fragile glass ornaments that I have to keep safely packed away because, if I ever put them out, one of them might get broken.

Answer 2

I have had this problem recently, and when it comes to boyfriends for quite a bit longer. I have found that the main reason with boyfriends is a fear of being hurt and always thinking too much about everything they do and say, are they cheating, maybe they really aren't that into me and the list goes on and on and on... On the friends side of things, they can be draining, you probably have friends like mine who talk about themselves on-stop and everything in life is all about them. Its seems like they have no consideration for the way you are feeling or what experiencing, even so far as to what you want to do.
I made the decision one day that I was not going to keep going into hiding and actually told my friends how things made me feel and asked for their understanding (and I learn't to tune out and nod in the right pots sometimes). On the boyfriend I figure he must want to be with me, or else he would run away, not me, and never come back. I find once you get your head around being honest with your friends and make an attempt to be a little more spontaneous rather than worrying, you will start to enjoy people.
Good luck with it...and remember, worrying about it will only make it worse when you do go out!

Answer 3

There are some things that you need to consider here: (1) Have you had any traumatic experiences in your past? (2) Do you have anybody in your family that has or had a mental illness?

This could be a symtom of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It could be a Social Disorder, or Psychotic Disorder such as Scizophrenia, or could be a major case of an Anxiety Disorder. There are many things it could be, but either way...There is a high probability that it has to do with a chemical imbalance in your brain. A counselor IS NOT who you need to seek now. You need to see a Psychiatrist. They are the only ones that can diagnose you. If you are unsure of where to find a Psychiatrist, check with your heatlth care provider or Primary Physician; they can refer you. God Bless!

Answer 4

first of all you need to realize what your mind is. your mind is the strongest implement you'll ever need, want or desire in your life-time. it can be responsible for many wonderful things that happen in your life. the flip-side to that is that you can go as far as to make yourself sick, and you don't want to go there....yeah?

it occurs to me that you might have been listening to somebody who told you over and over again that you are stupid or good-for-nothing. if you tell somebody something like that enough times, then that person might get to believing what they are told. that is a very tragic result.

i'm sure that you have dreams about your future. and if you feel that some of your skills are inadequate you might be right. but learning anything takes practise. and if you don't get out into the world, how are you going to practise your skills?

there was a time when i had nobody to turn to for advice. i found a poem called "desiderata". it can be found on the Internet. look it up and see if you like it.
it helped me quite a bit, at the time.

if you are unable to overcome your phobias, you could seek out counsel of some kind but see if you can get past this stuff yourself, first.

my good wishes are with you.....carpe diem (seize the day).

Answer 5

U've got a social phobia. U may also find it difficult to dine in the open. U might be having the feeling that people are watching u all the time.
U've got to see a counselor and he'll help u for sure.

Answer 6

Sounds as tho you may be trying very hard to be what you think people want you to be. The best remedy is to relax and be yourself. If people don't like you the way you really are, so what! Go find someone who does. It will be more fun and satisfying in the end.

Answer 7

i agree with NK