What is the best way of telling your child that they are adopted?

Question

My wife and I are at a loss.... please help!

Answer 1

Openly and honestly.

Don't hide it.

♠♥♣♦

Answer 2

If you really want to tell your child, maybe watch a TV show or movie where a kid gets adopted. Ask your child what they think of the movie, about the child being adopted. Then say something like "did you know we adopted you?". Whatever you do, focus on the fact that you love your child and wanted to give him/her a good home rather than why their natural parent(s) didn't want them. If you do this when the child is young, then they just get use to the idea and it's never really an issue. If your child is young enough, I remember there was an episode of Barney that dealt with families and different types of families.

If you can't find a TV show or movie, wait until they have some sort of school assignment about families and use that as a starter for a conversation.

The important thing is not to leave it until your child is older or to pretend they are your natural child. If you decide to not actually tell them, just be prepared to be honest about it if they ever ask.

Answer 3

I don't know how old the child in question is, but I am an adopted child and was told from the day they brought me home. To tell a child in the beginning is simple and requires little explanation, they were chosen, as they grow so does the explanation. If you tell them now there is never going to be a shock factor or the realization that their parents have essentially lied to them. Let them know that they were adopted because their birth mother couldn't take care them the way she wanted, gruesome details are for a mature child/adult, that comes later. I would have not had it any other way than knowing from day one.

Answer 4

well, this is a tricky one. It all depends on how old the child is. If the child is young, I would spare some of the details if they aren't that great. Kids don't need to hear about the bad stuff. But if the child is older, then I'd sit down with him/her and lay it all out. Be honest. And be there for him/her. This will be hard to deal with...for you and the child. Try to be prepared for the child wanting to know who is the real parents. Do you have photos to give? Anything you know about the parents? Be prepared for any questions that the child may want to know and be honest. If he/she just found out that his whole life was a lie (basically) then he/she's not going to want more lies.

Sometimes all they need is a shoulder to cry on and a person to hug when the times are rough. Whatever happens, make sure he/she understands that he/she is your top priority and you'll be there.

Good luck.

Answer 5

My parents never hid the fact from me. Once I started asking questions they answered truthfully but in an age appropriate manner. I think some of the questions made them uncomfortable, like when I would ask if I looked like my birthmother more than mom, but I was too young to realize that the question was in poor taste. Oddly enough, I look more like my adoptive mother than my birth mother.

Knowing about the adoption in and of itself wasn't that bad of a thing, I appreciate knowing and it never having been hidden from me. I was allowed to leaf through the court records as they had retained a copy, and ask any questions I wanted.

You do have to be prepared for the information to be used against you. Regretfully when I was pre-10 years old, I did this, once. After seeing mom cry like that though, I never did it again.

Answer 6

I think the best is to talk about it in a matter-of-fact way right from the get-go, like showing the baby pictures of the first time you met him/her, your baby shower, the day the adoption was legalised, etc. I think the ideal situation is for the child to always know s/he was adopted, but not think of it as particularly interesting a fact.

Answer 7

My sister has this problem everybody has different views but i believe you should let the child know from an early age in subtle and caring ways always letting the child know how much you love them because my friend found out from her parents when she was 16 and sorry to say this but she was devastated and hated them for not telling her earlier. She got over it after a few years but said she felt hurt that they hid something like that from her she honestly would have preferred to know when younger like i say difference of opinion but seriously be totally honest and just assure them you love them loads support them also if they want to meet their biological parents too just to show how much you do love them. Good luck :)

Answer 8

just tell them. I was adopted. My parents told me at a very young age because I always knew I was adopted. My parents always told me how special I was because they were able to pick me. I thank God everyday for what I have. I know where I might have ended up if my birth parents hadn't loved me enough to give me a chance at a great life.

Answer 9

Wait for the opportunity to reveal this issue. the revelation of such a fact could effect the child either positively or negatively. When you feel the right time has occured, sit together and talk in a cool and loving way. tell him or her the reason why you wanted to reveal this issue. also show your support and love to them.

Answer 10

I think it depends on the age of the child, but you must be honest but make the child feel loved and let them know how lucky you feel to have them as your child. LOVE is the way through this. I think it is important that you tell them regardless of the repercussions.
Good Luck!!!

Answer 11

My sister and I were adopted as infants. Our parents always told us from early on that we were their sweet, adopted children. They explained in such a way that we felt special. Indeed, as proud kids, we had the neighborhood children all in an uproar-they wanted to be adopted, too. We'd explained that our folks had gotten the opportunity to choose us, but their parents were forced to take pot luck!