Me and my boyfriend are both hindu but different race. But we have learned about each other's culture as well as language and adopted well to it. The problem for me now is my mom. I have had 2 siblings who have got married outside our race. Being the 3rd..the pressure is on me for me to get married to a guy who she choose...or atleast who is the same race as me. I feel so guilty everytime she talks about this matter. Should i tell her about my boyfriend?I am only 20.But seriously in love with these guy. Or should i wait a few more years to tell my mom?how do i tell her if i have too?
2007-02-26 17:16:17 · 28 answers · asked by Pre-T 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It's not up to her,your an adult now and the decision on who your going to be w/ is all up to you!!She's your mother she should love and support you no matter who your w/,as long as they treat you well and your in love!!Good Luck!!
2007-02-26 17:21:15 · answer #1 · answered by molliehollie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HEY! i totally feel you and what you mean because i am sikh and i know how browntown parents are about the whole keeping it in the culture thing. If your siblings have already married outside your race and now you feel as though you are going down the same path i think you kinda have to go down it....cuz when your in love your in love and you cant stop that....I dont think your mom will find it as crushing as you may think because after all he is hindu like you and that must count for something. And since your siblings have already opened the door it may be easier on your parents.....you might want to wait and tell her because you are only 20 right now but if your mom ever brings it up try to tell her that your open to possibilities and you cant promise her anything. just open her up to it so she doesnt "get her hopes up".....wait it out a bit your still young and when you and your bf are totally ready and comitted then you can share the great news with your parents. GOOD LUCK!!! im in the same situation as you its hard i feel the pain.. lol
2007-02-26 17:30:23 · answer #2 · answered by loveendswithguns 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can definitely understand your desire to please your mom. I think it helps alot though that you and your boyfriend are atleast both hindu. That may make her feel a little better about it.
But I don't think you need to tell her right away, wait a while...see how the relationship develops, then once you're sure he's it go for it. There's no need to tell her now and deal with her potentially being upset if it's not going to be "forever". Once you know he's it then you can be open with her and let her know that you wanted to make her happy, but that you hope that she will also consider your happiness. I'm sure your mom loves you enough to not be too heartbroken if this is the man you decide to marry.
2007-02-26 17:23:17 · answer #3 · answered by LawyerBarbie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In the matter of the heart no one can predict who will hold the keys to you wanting to love that special one or he loving you. It's very unfortunate that your mother is focusing on the race/culture of a person than rather he is going to love you unconditionally, respect you and cherish you for all the days of your life.
I'm African/Filopino american/Christian and my fiancee is East Indian/Hindu. What brings us together is loving each other unconditionally, wholeheartly, wanting the best for each other in all areas of our lives. Yes, all couples go through challenges and ups/downs in life for this is reality. However, we come together as one love, soul, mind and body and support our individuality as well. Our love is a gift from God above and we don't take each other for granted. We look forward to the day when we're in our 70's enjoying our grandkids walking on the beach. This is Life and a wonderful one at that.
It would be great to chat with your mother about the human race which we're all connected. It's time to celebrate our similiarities and differences for this is the spice of life. I wish you an d your love the best.
2007-02-26 18:23:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are mistaken reg race. Its not race. Its caste you are talking about. This Caste system is ruining India. You talk to your mom indirectly about your siblings who have married and gone. You tell your mom that your siblings have done a great service to the Nation of India by marrying outside your caste. They are uniting India and have done a great job. Praise them often. If your mom questions you reg that, you tell her softly that you also would like to do that. Break this caste system and unite people of India. Brainwash her slowly. Are you working or studying? Why I am asking is are you dependant on your parents for your living?If you are dependant on them, then be soft with your mom. If you are working and independant, then be strong and vocal about your views. In India, children are still under parents until marriage time, specially girls. Good luck!!
2007-02-26 17:43:45 · answer #5 · answered by sunilbernard 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You love who you love. Not the color of his skin.
If your mom loves you (which I am sure she does) then all she really wants is for you to be safe and happy. There is no reason that your 2 siblings should have to marry within thier race, and neither should you. It is not her choice to make, it is yours. She may be a little disappointed or upset at first, but I am sure when she has had a little time to think it over, she will come to terms with the idea. Bring him around and let her meet him so she can see what a great guy he is! Love is color blind.
2007-02-26 17:25:03 · answer #6 · answered by whissp_4u 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
marriage is far away .in the meantime u understand urself and move .its not a question of one night stand.your mom who brought u up u should think of her.everybody is saying its ur life .can u stay only having ur husband .do u want to loose ur mother .tell her what u feel .talk and let ur mother see what will happen.if the boy is established and comes from a good family ur mother will certainly not say no .and the question of being the third child u realy have pressure but think over and over again .telling its ur life u cant throw ur mother out of ur life.by the way this is ur study time.dont think now theres lots of time left for this .first establish urself.what i said if anything is wrong i appologise .
2007-02-26 19:06:19 · answer #7 · answered by kavya 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's not a problem at all. Your mom would gradually understand. You don't need to feel guilty about this. You need to speak to your mom and make her understand that he is the best guy in the world for you. Race won't be a problem if she is convinced that you cannot have a better match. finally she's your mom...
:-)
2007-02-26 23:33:59 · answer #8 · answered by plato's ghost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
20 hmmmmm be gud to ur mom and talk to her like a friend and tell her u consider her as ur friend and that she shud understand u from being of ur age. tell her what u feel about society and how it has chnaged. also tell her u will marry a person ur will take care of u. no matter what religion or race he is from. because all parents want their daughters to be happy than being unhapy after they leave this world. tell her that tell ur guy to talk about u to his parents if his parents r ok only then talk about it to ur parents. because u never know what is there is guys parents mind right. so try to be safe. when u r sure boy said u dont have any prob then tell ur mom. u can get engaged while u r studying and get marrried after ur education. so guys parents can talk about engagement and marriage to ur parents. guy should speak to his parents and explain them what ur parents are looking for and convince them to talk fo ru with ur parents.
2007-03-01 05:14:06 · answer #9 · answered by slv 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the mixing of races will always be banned.
It's not fair to the child to be born who is a brand new race, a mix of two. Every religion looks down on this.
It weakens your races strengths and gives opportunities to inherit more from the other race.
2007-02-26 17:31:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋