I have a 33 year old daughter who keeps me on her rollercoaster all the time,but if I tell her I can't fix all her problems for her,then she accuses me of not loving her.She disappered last month and ended up in Ca. and now she calls and says she sorry she left and can I help her get home.I told her she would have to figure out how to get home without my help.Now,she is calling family all over the US telling them I kicked her out of the family.When is enough,enough.She's not a little kid anymore.Am I doing the right thing by not helping her?
2007-02-26 16:25:45 · 13 answers · asked by Janielynn 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You absolutely did the right thing. She has to learn to fend for herself. Your not going to be around forever to get her out of her own messes. Be strong don't cave in. If anyone calls you, just tell them the truth....they should know how she is by now. Don't cut her any slack anymore....33? No way. You aren't legally responsible for her anyway. Make her learn how to live life in the real world. It will be much much crueler than you will ever be to her. Don't let her manipulate you with guilt you don't deserve.
2007-02-26 16:39:29 · answer #1 · answered by flashpro 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What type of mental/emotional problems does she have? Does she have any drug problems? A stable 33 year old woman would hold a job, be involved in some type of relationship, and be a little considerate of her parent's interest. You have not provided us with enough information to say whether or not you are doing the right thing. If she needs professional help, why don't you get it for her? If she doesn't, then leave her in California to fend for herself. Forget what she is telling other family members.
2007-02-27 01:05:15 · answer #2 · answered by Lois M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've had issues with mine and finally I said I would only talk to them if a neutral 3rd party is involved so we can work things out. This way there is a witness and things seem to work smoother and stay in place. Neutral would be like a pastor or trained counselor. An objective person, which most likely wouldn't include friends and family.
2007-02-27 00:51:44 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you are.She is not a kid anymore
I'm 36 and I would be ashamed to ask my parents for help other than if I need good advice.
I know she's your daughter I have 2 of my own but really enough is enough.She's a grown women!
2007-02-27 00:38:08 · answer #4 · answered by Sandora 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is always hard to tell your kids no. But, sometimes you have to. It is a part of growing up. Sounds like she needs to do a lot of growing up. Just let her know that you love her and always will. Some day, she will realize that you are not a money machine and will appreciate all that you have done for her in the past.
2007-02-27 00:44:38 · answer #5 · answered by Cindy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I was in your shoes, I would jump on the first plane to Cali to bring my daughter home. No matter how old your children are you should not abandon them. It sounds like to me that she needs lots of help and you as her mother should be right there beside her. My mother has really never been there for me like she should be, but when she is she shows me how much she really cares. Go get your daughter and get her into some type of counselling.
2007-02-27 01:51:02 · answer #6 · answered by ~Sheila~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im not sure if leaving her in Cali is the right time for you to start saying no to her. I mean, does she know anyone there? Is she safe? My kids arent as old as she is, although they act older than her but I think its time you started saying no to her. Just think perhaps starting when you know she's safe.
Is it normal for her to leave the state? I think it'd be a great idea for you to get counseling about how to deal with her. She is old enough to be a responsible adult right now. Its definitely time she grew up.
2007-02-27 00:31:49 · answer #7 · answered by My_Two_Centz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In this case, yes I believe you are doing the right thing. Sometimes tough love is the best way. Otherwise you are just enabling the person to behave and live unhealthily. She is an adult whether she wants to act like one or not.
2007-02-27 00:30:53 · answer #8 · answered by caffeinatedmom2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are! Her growing up is long overdue. She is manipulating you but I have a feeling that you bear some responsibility for allowing her to do so for a long time. Telling someone "You don't love me" is a classic game of a manipulator. She tries to make you feel guilty. So bite the bullet and force her to grow up. Tough love in your case is the only option. But you really don't need this advice. You know all of this yourself. Right? :-)
2007-02-27 00:46:07 · answer #9 · answered by woman 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let your family talk, no one knows better than you how she is so dont listen to what people say, she is a grown adult and she needs to grow up, seems she just abuses your help and will continue as long as you keep helping... so yes you are doing the right thing...
2007-02-27 05:18:45 · answer #10 · answered by Renee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋