My 4 year old son is bully. What should I say to him when he being so?

Question

What should I say when he beat his 2.5 year old brother?
What should I say when he says "I don't like Mommy/you."?
What should I say when he says "No, I don't want." all the time?

exhausted mommy...

Answer 1

Dear Mommy, I know how it is when your four year old is a bully - i am a mom of three kids and my 5 year old son is just the same.
http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/preschooler
go thru the above site - you will find loads of info on how to handle a bullying child. Kids got to be disciplined right when they make the first mistake else as they grow up they have a attitude of 'I dont care" dont let that happen, be quite firm when it comes to disciplining your kid - after all its the mum who shapes his/her future. Also never compare your kids. and dont bother with ' I dont love you mommy' - the child is still small.

Remember the golden rule - spare the rod and u spoil the child. Explain to the child why you beat him but done always overdo it. Rather than trying to punish away misbehavior every time with a rod, think of discipline as a teaching tool. And keep in mind that there are two things your child needs in order to learn what you want him to: Ability and motivation.

Say he refuses to come to you when you ask him to, and you give him a time-out. What has he learned? To come to you? To follow directions? In fact, he's probably learned neither. Instead of giving him a time-out, try approaching the situation as a teaching task — you're going to teach your preschooler to come to you when you call. Start by explaining, "It's really important that you come when I call your name." When he does, give him a small reward. At this age, "attention rewards" are best, so play a game with him or read him a book. Explain that the reward won't be there every time, but that he'll need to come to you every time you ask to find out when it will be. This is a conditioning process that teaches him to respond to your directions. Don't forget to praise your child's behavior ("It's great that you come when I ask you to!") rather than him ("Good boy!"). Now he has both the ability and the motivation to follow your directions.

Teaching your preschooler self-discipline requires ability and motivation on your part too. It's a process that takes know-how, time, and energy — but the payoff is well worth it.

Happy Mothering!!!!

Answer 2

my son is almost 3 and we have terrible time curbing his anger, he's not really a bully but he likes to hit, doesnt care about consequences such as a spankin or takin his toys away... we r exhausted to, u need complete consistency (super hard to do c/ it gets very time consuming) but what seems to work is standing in the corner, i have to take a chair and sit in front of him, i try not to look at him too much ignore all the sreamin and carryin on and just keep gettin up and silently put him back in the corner, trying not to yell but to quiet my voice, thats a hard habit to break, so he has to listen. 2 min in the corner takes about a half hr. Now i want to restress consistency here, b/c he'll be good and then little by little it starts goin back, b/c he's been so good I get lax. But this is seriously the only type of punishment that seems to work w/ him. and u will have to spend almost as much time as him in 'time out' but give it a try and be consistent, if he's as hard headed as mine u will spend most of the day there lol.
Do remember to praise him LOTS when he does something nice for /with his brother ie. like share or brings u something u asked for.... he is old enuff to to do a reward chart, so like if for 3 days he doesnt hit, does chores... just u and him will go to the movies, get an ice cream.... and it wont even be so much the ice cream or whatever but that time alone w/ u that will be exciting for him. but good luck !!! remember ur not alone!!!!

Answer 3

What should I say when he beat his 2.5 year old brother?
-- punish him for this, for each time it happens make the punishment more harsh (1st time -- time out for 5 minutes, 2nd time -- time out for 10 min, 3rd time -- time out & take away a favorite toy)

What should I say when he says "I don't like Mommy/you."?
-- I told my daughter "Right now I don't like you either because you are being very naughty" Later on, I explained that I may not like her when she is being bad, but I will always love her...there is a difference

What should I say when he says "No, I don't want." all the time?
-- I would walk away from him and when he does want something, he would then have to do whatever it was he "don't want" before he can get it.

These are just a few ideas, whatever you choose, you must always be consistant. Don't make any threats you don't intend to follow through with (he'll walk all over you).

GOOD LUCK!!
And don't listen to the people telling you that you should know this stuff automatically, its tough to be a parent & these people obviously are not parents

Answer 4

Ok.... My 4 year old brother used to tdo this all the time and acted out against his little sister...
What I used to do is put him in time out for the hitting, pushing or slapping. If you put him in time out for 4 min ( bc he is 4) and set a timer & when the timer goes off then he can get up. It takes a while for him to get used to it but then it will work.

When he says that he does not like you, he is not being mean. He sees you as a way to get him what he wants- food, clothes, shelter. Next time he does that, tell him that he hurt your feelings and that makes you sad. When Jon does it, that is what I tell him and then he tells me that he is sorry and gives me a kiss.

The "I don't want" is impulsive behavior. If he acts out he is bring the attention on to himself nd even though sometimes it may result in punishment, he is in the center of your attention again. Have him also checked out for ADD. Jon has extreme impulsive behavior and is now on meds for ADD.

Answer 5

Kids need punishments that make them uncomfortable. Different kids need different punishments. A sensitive child need less and a more aggressive child needs more harshness. My child is sensitive but she tried verbally abusing me and physically attacking me. That is just unacceptable. First of all, family is about respect. Second of all NO ONE treats me like that. I wouldn't respect myself if I allowed that. So I started with time outs. That didnt' work. I took toys away ( That is more personal). That didn't work. I kept getting harsher and harsher. What worked for her was surpirsingly mean. She needed a less abstract punishment. She kicked me and I told her that she gets what she gives out. SHe needed to knwo how it felt. I calmly said 'come here so I can show you how that feels'. Then I kicked her just as hard in the same spot. I ddi taht for 2 days and she hasnt' done it since. Then the name calling. I didn't call her names back because then we are just fighting. the point is punishment, not fights. So I siad 'family is about love and respect, that is unnaccpetable'. And I started counting (1-2-3) every whiny voice, every rude word. So help me, I counted everything slightly rude or annoying that came out of that mouth. I told her that she needs to act like a human and show basic curtiousy. I clamped down on it. Every '3' she got a time out and when there I would let her 'vent ' and be rude (She was staying in her time out, that is all that matters so I ignored her). When her time out was over, we started all over. She is now an angel. She will be really mad at me or something and go to her room and when she comes out she has a great attitude. If she is whiny and upset, but wants something, she will stop crying and get a really nice tone of voice and ask for what she wants! I was shocked at her self compuse and control. It all boils down to THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE HUMAN BEHAVIOR as you attitude. deal with it with as much harshness as the child needs to be uncomfortable and say 'wow, this really is not worth it for me'

Answer 6

dont ask tell I know it sounds mean but he must know that you are the boss too many choices for a child can be overwhelming so dont give him any and he wont have oppertunity to say I dont want to tell him you didnt ask him what he wants.Just ignore the I dont like you thing that will pass when he wraps around the concept of respect. with the bullying just completly remove him from the play group or activity until he can appologize for his rude behavior .....Good Luck Mom

Answer 7

wow, good question, I will be back to find out what people respond, cause I have the same problem myself....I fear my son is going in that path..he plays rough, and I detect anger in him. Why and how could a 2 year baby be angry?? at who? what? we always show him love, and scorn him only when it's necessary...I dont think we do anything strange. Who knows....I'll be back to read what other parents write. Good luck to you.

Answer 8

I don't know what to say about beating up his brother, other than let him know that it wasn't good and he wouldn't like it if someone hurt him like that.

About saying "I don't like you" I think that is normal. At first I told my son that it hurts my feelings when he says that, then I just started saying "ok" when he told me that. When he figured out it didn't bother me, he quit doing it. He was just trying to learn to express his emotions.

"No, I don't want" - I always say, "I understand you don't want to, but you have to. We all have to do things we don't want to sometimes."

I hope this helps and don't give up. You are not alone. Remember when you feel like you need a break from your kids, they need breaks from us too. So don't feel bad about taking a day to yourself. Treat yourself to a day at the spa, then treat your children with lots of hugs and kisses when you get home.

Answer 9

Time outs.

Make sure you're giving him plenty of positive attention when he's being good. Sometimes kids act out because it's the only time they really get undivided attention from Mom or Dad.

Do you spend one on one time with your son?

Answer 10

Do you ever watch nanny 911 or super nanny? Get a naughty chair and give him time outs. Make a reward chart for when he has good behavior. You need to start now before he gets older and believe me he will be even harder to control the older he is.