Is he too old? How do i get my mom to allow me?

Question

I am 16 and my boyfriend is almost 18. He doesnt know that my mom (as far as i understand) doesn't want me dating right now. But she isnt too clear. Last year when i had a boyfriend she knew about it and was against it and pretty much made us break up. Then whenever i would mention going out with guys just to hang out she says "they better not think you are their girlfriend or something" I would feel bad sneaking around with him like i did with my last boyfriend especially since that was pretty immature. I really like this guy but i dont know how to continue dating him without my mom approving. Another problem is last year when i would just hang out with juniors(when i was a freshman) she wouldnt allow it at all. so, what do i do? Is there anything i can say to her or do?

Answer 1

Lol, not too old. But can't sleep with him, mind you.

Answer 2

Well, it sounds like you have an overprotective mother. Sounds like she loves you (her daughter) and just wants to protect you from everything she can, although not realizing she is being pretty strict and can create an atmosphere where you might rebell again some of it (as you are not thinking of with going out with your current boyfriend.)

The first question you raised about being too old. By legal standing in many states when 18and up is considered an adult and can have reprocussions for dating a person younger then that but in terms of just looking at it, reality, hes not too old for you it's just because of at the age you are not it seems that way but it's only a year and a half? it seems. Really if you were 20 he'd be almost 22.. not a big deal. It's just made a big deal because you are underage.

Judging at how your mom has been acting about you being around boys and older classmates, it seems she will be quite against this if you brought it up to her. If she's already made you break up with someone, then it's most likely she would again.

I think you have 2 options. One you already know of iand that's sneaking behind your parents back. Of course you yourself is going to feel bad about it but if you feel your parent is that stick, it may be the only way for you to date your boyfriend.

The other opition or something you can try is I would suggest approching your mother and saying you would like to have a talk. Talk to her about what her concerns are about you dating and what is her idea of it, when does she herself plan to let you date boys and hang out with them without her having something to say about it. After discussing this you can get an idea of what your mother is thinking, I think at that point then it's important to let your mother know you feel. That you want your mother to have trust in you and by doing the things she does, it shows she dosen't. And for you to let you mother know you don't want to have to feel pushed into doing things behind your parents back because you know you aren't doing anything wrong but they dont' approve of it and that you are becomming and adult and should be able to make decisions on whom you interact with and that you dont do dangerous stuff but doing what natrually young adults do, date and have fun and go out. If after you have a talk and feel maybe both parties have come to some kind of understanding then would be the time to say, well I have a boyfriend and I like him too much to break up and would you please allow me to continue to date him.

If you can sense through the conversation that your mother and or parents are still strict on it, then it seems you rather have to streight up say you are dating someone whom you don't stop dating no matter what they say, or do it behind their backs.