Giving my boyfriend space-- is this a good move?

Question

My boyfriend is going through a hard time (midlife crisis) and has been spending a lot of time with another female (who is not interested in dating him), I think to cope and to get some space from me. I am not happy with him showering attention on another female for obvious reasons and have tried to push him to tallk about the situation and to show him how it is hurting me, with bad results. He is too distraught and mixed up to deal with me right now, and I'm afraid that if I keep pushing I'm just going to totally push him away.

So I've decided-- since there's nothing I can do to control his feelings, can't make decisions for him and can't stop him from leaving me to pursue a relationship with another female if that's what he wants-- I've decided to lay off him and give him space to work through his feelings. This is very hard for me, since my instinct is to cling when I feel insecure. But I want to give us the best chance of working through this. Does this seem like a good move?

Answer 1

Absolute best decision. I can tell you that my daughters, and myself as well, found that the more we pursued a certain someone the more they seemed to pull back.
On the other hand, when we went on about other things and not just focus on guys they seemed to come out of the woodwork & become interested in what we had going and life was so much more fun.
Does this make sense to you ?? I hope so.~
However it works out for you, remember this, it just may all be in Gods plan & for the best.~~~Jill

Answer 2

I think you did a very wise thing. Let him work through this on his own time. He may come to realize that a life with you isnt what he wants right now, but if that happens, I think in the long run, you'll both be happier. If he comes to you and want to talk, then talk to him, but let him resolve things his way first. I know its tough, but this too shall pass.

Answer 3

Well, I don't think that it's right, what he is doing to you. Showering someone else with his attention is wrong! You should leave him alone for awhile, and see what happens, I know it is scary, but I would'nt tolerate behavior like that, midlife crisis or not! What a jerk. Sorry that just really makes me mad to think about it.

Answer 4

I am 41 and I have been through alot in my life do not let him deal with his situation by another female if he lovesa u he will be with you and talk to u about his feelings just ask Dr. phil I bet he would agree with me

Answer 5

It does seem like the best solution to accept what you cannot control. But don't do it totally because you're giving him space to work though his feelings. Do it primarily because you are a person with legitimate needs who deserves better treatment.

Answer 6

Good...but what's missing is for you to get your, I said YOUR OWN LIFE without him. If he shut down, what makes you think he won't do it again? My daughter hasn't spoken to me for 14 months, and if she wants back, she and I must go into some counseling separately with new therapist to see why she has resentments towards me. Even my other daughter said she's out of her mind.


Date other men and see it could be better with another.

Eharmony or emode

Answer 7

Give him all the space he needs, if he really loves you, he will return and if he is a stray dog in nature he will roam. Just remember your asking for trouble if you take in strays.

Answer 8

Yea it will give him time to think and pull himself together. Just don't give him too much space b.c he'll think you guys are growing apart.

Answer 9

he is using the space to cheat

Answer 10

not really