I was very young when i was raped and i have been traumatized since. I have been in a relationship for almost a year and although my bf is a great guy, i can tell he is needing more on the sex department. I love him a lot and I really waht to be with him, but the fear keeps holding me back. What can I do?
2007-02-26 13:54:22 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No i havent told him. Everytime i start to talk i get scared of his reaction, not that he is violent, on the contrary, he is too protective, i know this will hurt him so much. I dont want to hurt him.
2007-02-26 15:00:13 · update #1
I was raped when i was younger and i can tell you that i still have problems with sex. Everyone and every case is different but this is what i did. First off if you don't think your man can be as gentle as you need, or possibly stop mid action because you can't go on.. don't be with him. You need to sit him down and go into as much details about the rape as you can, then tell him what things about intercourse scare you the most.
Also a counselor for the two of you isnt a bad idea until things feel more normal.
I personally also worked up to it slowly. We would do a litlte more each night in prep for the big night and he made sure to try to make it as sweet and romantic as possible for me. I also felt more comfortable being on top because i knew that at least at the moment i was in power, the idea of having a man on top of me scared me senseless.
Now my sex life is pretty normal and healthy, i like it and rarely have the flashbacks though i crave intimacy and need to be held a lot afterwards still.
I hope that all is well, and remember there are always other like you out there, support groups are there and so are couselors.
I would say the most important things for me were the man i was with and how much i really wanted to do it. Good luck honey with everything.
2007-02-26 14:06:19 · answer #1 · answered by attila 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Take your time, this is YOUR life and what happened concerns only YOU.
No, you don't have to tell him anything you don't want to, although I imagine he is probably a bit confused on why you're holding back on sex. It's also likely he's picked up that something is not right in your past with the trauma you mentioned.
The best thing for you is to sit down with him and tell him what happened to you. Of course, this can only be when/if you're comfortable with that, and I have no idea when that is. I don't know if you've spoken about this with anyone at all, and I don't pretend that it's easy to do.
He then needs to make a decision regarding if he can deal with all that, and he should be made aware of any triggers that could remind you of the experience. If he is patient and gentle and you trust each other, you two can work it out and have a wonderful relationship. But it's only fair that you give him an option on how he wants to handle this knowledge.
2007-02-26 14:07:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It will probably hurt him by not telling him. I would tell him and if he really loves you he will understand why you are so scared to take the next step. Together you can work to get over your fears too.
2007-03-06 12:09:24 · answer #3 · answered by fashion_victum05 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he know you have been raped. I think it is a good idea to get that off your chest and out in the open if not. Unfortuantely, I don't have much knowledge in this subject, so I looked up some information. I think this website should be very helpful
http://www.rapecrisisonline.com/home.htm
I'll keep you in my prayers.
2007-02-26 14:01:12 · answer #4 · answered by Namaste 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you for experince that if he loves you and you love him he will need to know because if you are willing to give yourself to him I would hope you have intetions of marrying him someday. When you marry him you will need to be COMPLEATLY honest with him about your past so why not start now. It will probuly make your relationship much stronger.
2007-02-27 02:16:49 · answer #5 · answered by knc882007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell him the truth. he will probably be supportive and hold u tight in his big strong arms ;-). then, once he knows it all, and if he truely loves u, he will take it slow and wait.
2007-02-26 13:58:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ummm u can have a great relationship without sex u know that ah
2007-02-26 13:58:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
get some counseling, you can't deal with it on your own. Ask him to go too, he's also a victim of the crime.
2007-03-06 06:52:22 · answer #8 · answered by Gardner? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you told hoim about this? Think about this and then you might consider theraphy
2007-02-26 13:59:14 · answer #9 · answered by kitty_loves_life 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel for you. does your boyfried know about this? if he doesnt maybe you should tell him and if he really loves you he will wait until you are ready.
2007-02-26 14:04:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋