My long term BF is focussed on his career, and working so much that he spends precious little time with me. The times together are good. The times apart are brutal but he does't want to break up. Is he just being selfish? Is he just not that into me..even though he says he is? What could be going through his head?
2007-02-26 13:47:59 · 32 answers · asked by Magicflower 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Its a 2 hour drive to each others house, a recent move to be closer to work.
2007-02-26 14:08:06 · update #1
he has a job that will never require him to work less hours...most of the men he works with are either divorced or unhapilly married or bachelors. I work too a very good job that could support the both of us if we had to live off my income. He also loves his job...
2007-02-26 14:10:01 · update #2
The best answer I can give you may not want to hear. Some guys are like that. The job is the first love. If you can deal with it, he will probably be an excellent provider....you just wont see him much. It takes a life changing event to get them to see the light and take the time to smell the roses so to speak.If you can't, look elsewhere.
2007-02-26 13:53:13 · answer #1 · answered by chris m 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
There are many variables that play into this situation, and the information here is limited, but I'll give it my best go...
I'm guessing that he's a work-a-holic. Not that bad of a thing, as it's productive, but it doesn't leave much time for anything else, you included. If having material items is important to you, more than spending time with him, then it may be a good deal.
My wife & I have found that it is really hard to have both...high end career and quality family relationships. We both went into education since we've found the work load vs. $$$ to be at a place where we're able to spend quality time with our kids and each other.
I'm not going to tell you to stay or break up...that's on you and what your personal goals are. Do you know if he work situation is a long term one? Is it one that he is creating? Is this something you can deal with in case he is happy working so much?
2007-02-26 14:13:44 · answer #2 · answered by Voice_Of_Reason 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How long is long - has he been like this for OVER 2 yrs.? Was there ever a time when he wasn't like this at all? Do you honestly believe it's heading to the altar anytime soon? I'm just tryng to ascertain the seriousness of the relationship.
If you answer YES, YES, NO - then maybe it's time to lower the expectation bar. Break-up may not be the immediate answer - so how about taking it slow and easy for a while? Suggest a moratorium period (maybe 3 weeks) of no contact, no calls, no e-mails - after the 3 weeks, it's up to you if you want to see him (just be sure to tell him that if wants to meet with you after the 3 weeks, he must be the one to call!) If he doesn't call, then I'm sure you'd know what to do next.
Loving is never easy but it doesn't mean you have to hurt all the time! SMILE!
2007-02-26 14:13:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
here some things to consider:
do you live together? is he the sole provider for the 2 of you? if not, do you work? if yes, do you ever need to worry about not having enough money?
he's not being selfish, you are. he's trying to make money for you both and you are jst so focused on "little time" that you are not seeing the whole picture. how old are you 2? i've known alot of friends that work themselves to death at a young age so that they can retire at 35 or 40 and having more time focused on the family and themselves.
think of the later not the now of the situation before you break up with your bf.
2007-02-26 13:55:21 · answer #4 · answered by hydez2002 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
two things:
"absence makes the heart grow fonder" - the reason the together times are good is because you miss him. you should enjoy that aspect.
an intense focus on the work at hand does not neccessarily equate to a lack of interest in you. women are always looking for an ambitious, driven man. but those type of men are often very focused on their work. you truly cant have it both ways. appreciate that he is so driven and that he doesnt want to break up, despite his desire to work work work.
if he is successful, perhaps you will both be able to enjoy the fruits of his labor down the road, when the work is done and you are both free to play and enjoy each other's company.
on the other hand, let him know you feel neglected and ask him to make more effort, but dont guilt or nag him about it. that will only serve to drive him deeper into his work.
2007-02-26 13:54:52 · answer #5 · answered by lostatlimbo 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure how much time precious little time is nor do i know what he does and i do understand your frustration. i went through the same but it sounds as though this is the time for him to make a name for himself in the business world. believe him when he says he doesn't want to break up because it sounds as though he wants to be with you when he can so make the times together better than good. i just hope youre doing your own thing too. don't give up on him... not yet.
2007-02-26 13:59:21 · answer #6 · answered by sonata 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
.Do you like existence and your self? sometime sure, and now and back no 2.what's your purpose in existence? To be a superb individual, and help those around me 3.Do you think of one individual could make a difference? Definitley 4.Do you think approximately your self fortunate? fortunate interior the experience that I actually have a roof, loving family individuals and an entire abdomen. no longer fortunate interior the experience that I by no skill win the lotto 5.Is your ideas concentrated interior the present? No 6.have you ever harm everybody at present? sure 7.might you like to ask for forgiveness to somebody? Oh, God,sure #Bonus question *Do you watch spongebob?? Hahahaha!! Bout thrice an afternoon with my infant *attempt cracking this sentence *ouy i ovel miyle* i such as you Miley
2016-09-29 23:13:44 · answer #7 · answered by carol 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THAT HE HAS A GREAT DEAL! This is where the term "have your cake and eat it too" came from.
He doesn't want to break up? What about you? Why are you giving him so much power over your life?
Concentrate on living your best life. Do what you love. Maybe you'll meet someone else out there who can give you the time and attention you deserve. That's the gamble he'll have to take.
But the point is, you're taking control of your life! Good luck to you.
2007-02-26 13:50:47 · answer #8 · answered by gtravels 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm guessing he just wants to make the best possible life he can for him and in time, maybe you too. If he's honestly working and the times together are good, chereish what you get. Let him know you support him and be there when he has the time.
2007-02-26 13:53:02 · answer #9 · answered by pixie 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, I am trying to date someone and have very little time because of work and it is hard to deal with for me too. But, I need this job and hope everyone else understands. So, especialy if it's a good job that may be what he's thinking and has nothing to do with how much/little he cares for you.
2007-02-26 13:52:08 · answer #10 · answered by Fireman T 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋