1. Never take a front-row seat at a bris.
2. If you can't say something nice, say it in Yiddish.
3. The High Holidays have nothing to do with marijuana.
4. And what's wrong with dry turkey?
5. A good kugel sinks in mercury.
6. Pork is forbidden, but a pig in a blanket makes a nice horsd'oeuvre.
7. Always whisper the names of diseases.
8. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
9. Never leave a restaurant empty-handed.
10. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate-side-of-the-street parking is suspended.
11. A bad matzoh ball makes a good paperweight.
12. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
13. If you are going to whisper at the movies, make sure it's loud enough for everyone else to hear.
14. No meal is complete without leftovers.
15. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure you tell everybody what you paid.
16. The only good thing more important than a good education is a good parking spot at the mall.
17. It's not whom you know, it's whom you know that had a nose job.
18. After the destruction of the Second Temple, God created Neiman-Marcus.
19. WASPs leave and never say good-bye. Jews say good-bye and never leave.
20. Israel is the land of milk and honey; Florida is the land of milk of magnesia.
21. If you don't eat it, it will kill me.
22. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
23. Next year in Jerusalem, the year after, how about a nice cruise?
24. Spring ahead, fall back, winter in Miami.
25. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a big Cadillac and eating dinner at four in the afternoon.
Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee? Yup, it's in the Bible. It says "Hebrews!"
2007-02-26 13:24:41 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
The first one is my fave. I like the Hebrew thing too,It's cheezey.
2007-03-05 06:27:16 · answer #1 · answered by MISS K.I.A. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I did not know the rules for Jewish living - now I do and I will never get those 90 seconds of my life back. thanks a lot.
2007-02-26 14:58:15 · answer #2 · answered by Rickey W 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
um... why are none of the jokes here actually funny?
2007-02-26 13:32:23 · answer #3 · answered by Your mom goes to college 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
hmmmmmm didnt know that, but they are somewhat funny.:)
2007-02-27 15:52:53 · answer #4 · answered by butterfly 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋