Why do parents go histerical if their mid teen daughter dates a 18, 19, or early 20 year old or friends with t

Question

Why do parents go histerical if their mid teen daughter dates a 18, 19, or early 20 year old or friends with them?


We always hung out in groups with a wide age range say 15 though to late tenties.

Dating between say 15 and 19 was common or 16 and early tenties.


there was no predation, force, minipulation or and of this tripe, nor where the guys only into one thing...


In most cases they were just mates before and developed feelings and started to date no different to anyone else.


usually it siply did not work out. Then neither did it when they were with somone the same age.


in many cases the younger girl say 15,16,17 has far more experienced, confident, and had had sex etc far more then the guy did, many were virtual virgins, clueless about girls and shy and very nice, and cared .


As for what did they have in common?


Dancing, Quasar, bowling, music, gigs, cinema, parties, making out.


Pretty much the same stuff.

No virgin surgeons no preditor

Often if things did not work out they were just mates after.

Or simple always mates.


The older and bigger ones look after the younger ones.


ie see them home if drunk. Help out if one has an asthmer attack, usually the ones with a car.


So really dont get all this tripe like what could they have in common, peado this, pervert that...



Real perverts are bullies, genuinely nasty people who are manipualtive and get off on hurting like muggers.


In the real world the older mates here even those who ended up dating making out and usually say 23 and 16 getting laid etc.

Like any other couple

Would protect them from any bully abusers.

At least they were not into gangs, shootings, crack dealing, getting wasted ,m drunk and fighting...


Mostley rockers, metallers, ravers... so chilled and nice.


So why dont parents be a little more sensible & say just get to know the mates & boyfriends


Instead of going nuts and ruining lives & breaking up couples

*********************************************


As said... there was no manipluation..


That would be a right joke... ie somone who had only been on a few dates and done it onces or twice with a date or kiss a year if lucky being mainipulative or creapy.


Ie just shy and nice. In a group of people no different to teenagers other then say a job and flat for parties

*********************************************


Perhaps its a case of I only hang out wwith people who are not jerks and bullies

Ie starting nightclubbing from 16 only going to rock clubs where there was no fights and people were making out all over the place.

nONE OF WHOM WOULD FORCE ANYONE TO DO ANYTHING.

Infact many of the girls were tomboys who could kick the guys butts...

Ie fiestiest in the club and top stagediver


QUOTE
AGAIN

I honestly HATE seeing this. What does a 20 yr old guy really have in common with a 16 yr old girl?


CINEMA
MUSIC
CROWD SURFING IN CONCERTS
PARTIES
FANCY DRESS PARTIES
SNOGGING
ROLLERBALDING
SURFING
SNOWBOARDING
PLYSING KISSY PAW PAW IN SOME CINEMA.
GOLF
ICE SKATING
SWIMMING


ETC

This was when I and others were 16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26

QUOTE
The sexual life of an 18-20 year old is MUCH more advanced than a 15 year old. You can say that the younger girl would be more experienced, but that's a joke.


incorrect...


Lost virginity at 19, other mates after that.


The girls were all boyfriended up from 16

and by the time they reaced 19 if not going steady had been with an average of tenty guys and boasted in truth or dare games all the places they done it.

by time was 23 had probably dated about 6 girls, slept with 3 only the once.

One mate had only had one girlfriend for a few weeks.

The girls as said did all that by 16 and were going steady for years by 19

NOTE IN UK AGE ON CONCENT IS 16,

MOST ARE IN BARS FROM 16, IN NIGHTCLUBS FROM 17

QUOTE

you can't take a 16 yearold to a dance club or out to rated r movies.

ER NOT TRUE...


Me and all mates and sis have been going to r /18 rated movied since 16 and nightclubbing in rock clubs, moshing on the dance floor, crowd surfing and satage diving.


the 16-18 year olds were the most into it, the best dancer, One guy around 18 I think was doing backflips and started dating one gril 16 when he mis timed a back flip and accidently hit her... As said... tends to be fisty girls.


Plus as said both likes each other so big deal.


Why dont you get that?


girls mature faster then guys and find it easier to darte...

there is no evil plot.


Brother in law and hais girlfriends have been togther since 16 as have several, now they are in 30s

Ie ever think...


People grow older but do not mature

fazile.


Also, why couldn't an 18-20 year old show interest in girls HIS OWN AGE?


er as was shy? no good at chatting up girls, they have only had a couple of dates, no idea how to chat up girls.


When they do show interest the girls aint inot them only experienced guys

the girls aint into the same stuff ie clubbing.

etc.



And as for the silly notion of 16/17years old being all sweet and innocent... they were the onles snogging and kissing and feeling each other up on the stairs, seats, dancefloor, floor and all over the place... the older ones tend to be more uptight

*****************

bEEBO

QUOTE

Let's put it this way, bud....

What if your 14 or 15 year old daughter wanted to date a 20 year old

Actually I would want her to date as I had a miserablee time in teens all lonley and hurt.


Therefore In this case I would want to get to know the guy, if He was cool ans she was mature enough fine... Certinaly better then some gang member, crack dealing, glassing chave, thug, wannabie gangster, joyriding, drunk jerk her age onlybinto banging as many virgins as possible...

ie if he was cool Id be too.

as for

And, at the age of twenty, what is on 99.9% of guy's minds at that age?!?


You ever met teenage girls? in late teens... any girl I knew barely spent 6 weeks without getting laid

MICK MY PROBLEM IS IM FED UP WITH ALL THE UNREALISTIC BULLSHIT THINKING GOING AROUND THAT BEARS NO RESEMBLANCE TO REALITY...

*********************************


Actually someone posted an anagy of all this with the movie Dirty Dancing...


Where it was the guy the parents approved of vfor 'Baby' their daughter who was all smart and docotr student who truned out to be the jerk who got a girl pregnant who almost died in a back street abortion.,


Whilst it was the upfront older rebel jonny guy (Patrick Swasie) who truend out to be the decent, responsible caring one.


Pretty much what I have seen though not set in the 50s

**** IF WONDERING ON OBESSIONS WITH TEENAGERS ETC SEE THIS

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ajpw0tlUw.nxRFMbs_XQQpbkMBV.?qid=20070228023052AAnET0W

Answer 1

The parents love and want to protect their "CHILD"
What more would you do if it is your child?

Answer 2

First of all, parents have to protect their daughter,no matter what she has done in the past, 2nd, 18, 19, 20 y.o. guys usually have a bit more experience than the younger girls no matter what you say they may have done in the past . But overall I think you are exaggerating this a bit, but, a 15 yo girl has no business going out with an 18, 19, or 20 yo guy, she is underage, the guy isn't, 16 yo pretty much the same, but 17 is close enough, if the parents have done a good job bringing them up, the trust factor should be there, and if so, why would they believe the girl would not do what is right? I think mostly there is a trust problem with the girls and the parents, and that sadly says they don`t feel they have done their job, which is to prepare their kids to be able to make the right decisions in life. and EVERYBODY knows that there is but 1 thing on the minds of 18, 19, and 20 y.o. guys, and I bet you could tell me what that is. So you are asking why do parents freak out just because a guy who wants to hump any girl anytime anywhere, wants to take their daughter out on a date? Does`nt that sound like what the question should be? You knew that from the start because you mentioned that most had already had sex by then, so why are the parents worried. Until you can prove you arent there for the possibility of scoring, you will have to put up with the freaking out parents, sorry.

Answer 3

It's a tricky situation. Parents just want their kids to stay kids as long as they can. Why rush into another stage of life before it's necessary? I had a few older friends too (under 20) when I was 16 but didn't talk about them at home. My parents would have freaked out. My dad already thought that 18yr old boys had only one thing on their mind and would corrupt me. I remember that and didn't worry when my son became friends with an 18yr old. My son is 15. Turns out they don't hang out any more because the 18yr old is too immature. lol You're right about maturity though. Girls are often more mature than boys their age. But whether they have a son or daughter, a good parent will worry about their child. BTW, I don't think anyone in their early 20s should be hanging out with teenagers. A couple of years older, sure, but at that age it just seems inappropriate. It has nothing to do with being predators. Either the teens are trying to grow up too fast or the 20somethings don't want to grow up at all. Those friendships just don't work out in the long run, like the relationships you mentioned.

Answer 4

Kids and teens want to do what their friends are doing. If they are hanging around with those who are 18 and older, they start to expect and demand the same freedom, and it becomes an issue. By telling them they can't from the beginning, a parent is just putting an end to something that will eventually become a problem. It is not only sex, it is also drinking, staying out late and a few other issues.
While most teens deserve some freedom, they are still just kids, and no matter how well they have been raised will at times make poor decisions. A parents job is to keep them from harm, and to teach them proper behavior. Like it or not this is easier to do if they are comparing their rules to those who mostly have the same rules.

Answer 5

As a teen, it's cool! James is 18 and so hot and so cool! You're 15 and he's 18 and this would be awesome.

Your parents don't see it like that. You're 15. Regardless of how much older you want to be, you're only 15. Having a friend or a relationship with someone who is 18, 19, or 20 isn't going to help your parents consider you adult. It's terrifying. The sexual life of an 18-20 year old is MUCH more advanced than a 15 year old. You can say that the younger girl would be more experienced, but that's a joke. An 18 year old boy with hormones is MUCH more dangerous than any 15 year old girl I know.

By your logic, the whole world has everything in common.

It's illegal for someone over 18 to have sexual relations with anyone who's UNDER 18. It's plain and simple. Don't fall into the crowd and get him arrest, jailed, and labeled for the rest of his life as rapist.

An 18 year old does NOT have anything in common with a 15 year old, despite how much you want them to have stuff in common with you. An 18 year old is thinking about college, jobs, college girls, etc. What does he need from a 15 year old other than sex?

An adult SHOULD be watching over the teens, but you know what? When you're all drunk, it's hard to do that.

Any 20 year old who is interested in a 15 year old IS a predator.

Also, why couldn't an 18-20 year old show interest in girls HIS OWN AGE?

==EDIT==

I don't think you get it. A 15 year old is a victim if an 18 year old has sex with her. HE WILL BE THROWN INTO JAIL AND MARKED FOR LIFE AS A RAPIST.

Of all the 15 year olds I know, the 20 year old knows MUCH more about sex.

Can a 15 year old and a 20 year old be friends? Sure. Can a 15 year old and a 20 year old be sex buddies? NO. It's sick and the emotional attachment of a 20 year old vs a 15 year old are no where near the same part. It's called TAKING ADVANTAGE.

Answer 6

I was 16 or 17 and I was dating guys who were between my age and about 20, my parents were really strict but by then I was considered old enough to make my own decisions on the company I kept(within reason-if I'd come home with a 25+yr old I think Dad would have had something to say).

Some of my boyfriends had cars and we went out for meals/cinema/ice-skating/concerts or just a drink but as long as I was home, sober, before my curfew-usually 11pm (weekends, I was not out school nights) everyone was happy.

Mid-teens is a different matter though, I would not be happy(hypothetically) with my 14yr old dating a 20yr old the age difference is just too much-and while their interests might be similar, emotionally they are miles apart(a-typically that is).

As a parent it's your job to protect your children, be they male or female, to the best of your ability up until such time as they are old enough to make their own decisions and live by the consequences and that age is set legally at 18yrs. Whether that applies morally is another argument of course-I don't know many parents who under normal circumstances would say 'off you go get on with it' at 18.

Regardless, however, if your child comes home with someone that you perceive to be potentially predatory you have a duty to protect them to the best of your ability-and personally I don't intend to differentiate between the experienced 15yr old and the naive 18yr old-I'll protect as I see fit.

Answer 7

I don't know. My parents didn't, all I dated were older guys. My parents knew they taught me the right way to be and all they could do was hope I would behave myself. I did. The only problem they had was if the guy was more then just three or four years older then me, they wouldn't say no but they made it clear they didn't like it or trust him, and they were right every time I hate to say. I think most parents are just afraid the older person will have more experience and be more learned in manipulating younger ones to do what they want. The ones that were a lot older then me tried that, didn't work.

Answer 8

i really don't think there is a problem it has alway's been the same parent's are a bit more over protective with daughters , but in the end they do carm down my daughter is dating older boy she 17 he 20 an i'm ok with that an they have been together for a long time it's all to do on them an how they act if they honest to here parents then all is going to be fine !!!

Answer 9

When parents see there minor daughter going out with an older guy (or pretty much any guy) they assume the worst. That the guy is out to corrupt there daughter and get her into bed.

Most parents remember what they were doing back when they were in there early 20s and they don't want there children doing that (at all really, but parents will usually settle for until they are in there 20s).

Answer 10

Hm.... well what do guys from ages 15-mid 20's think about constantly??? They might not actually want to "get to know you" like you think. But there are those occasionally nice guys who actually wanna be your friend. I had a few guys who were 19 to mid 20s who were friends, but my parents took extreme caution. They asked a lot of questions and called my cell contantly, and made sure we were where we said we would be. If they did not like the guy or had a weird feeling about him, they would not let me go anywhere with him. I used to get embarassed about it, but now I fully understand and I am so glad I had caring parents. So be greatful if your parents ar elike that, they care about it.

Answer 11

when i was 16 i dated a guy that was 22 and he was trying to force himself on me he was not a nice guy we had little in comon and i was a virgin before and after we dated. the guy was a jerk and i left him. my parents did freak when they heard about me dating this guy but for good reason although then i would not admit that. i think teens under 18 should date guys 18 and under. it works out better that way and its not against the law. you can't take a 16 yearold to a dance club or out to rated r movies. its just better to keep kids with kids and adults with adults. these guys should just find girls there own age.