Why do people get upset about people spanking their children?

Question

I don't get why some parents think that spanking a child is wrong. If your child does something wrong, he or she needs to get punished! And just telling them-"no, that was bad don't do it anymore" won't work. They'll think hey last time I did that I only got yelled at! But if you were to spank them they would say oh hey, last time I did that I got spanked and it kind of hurt-I don't think I'll try that anymore! What is everyones thoughts on this, I think that lack of punishment is part of the problem in the world we live in today! What do you all think?

ok, some of you ladies are being rude with your answers, no-I don't have children-but don't EVER tell me that i wouldn't be a good parent! No I would never hit my child anywhere else but the bum-not the face! I wouldn't hit them hard either! And I also agree with the whole age limit-I would never hurt a very young child!! I think that some of you need to settle down with the whole abuse thing-Spanking is not child abuse!!! It does teach children respect-I got spanked when I was young and I learned!! Being talked to didn't teach me anything about respect-but spanking did! Calm yourselves!

Answer 1

Because hitting children teaches them that is how to take control over the situation. they aren't thinking oh man it hurt the last time i got spanked better not do that again. They are thinking well my little brother made me mad and when i make mommy mad she spanks me so i'll spank him. It ruins your child's self-esteem and trust in you. Children do need to be punished for bad behavior but it doesn't have to be physical. Hitting a child doesn't teach them not to do something again, it teaches them to avoid getting caught by either lying or sneaking around and doing it anyway. you don't have to be a pushover either but using physical violence doesn't give you a more disciplined child. My friend's daughter gets spanked by her father after he tells her no. So now every time she hears the word now she spanks someone and then she's so proud that she did the "right thing" . I'm not saying kids shouldn't be spanked just saying there are far better ways of disciplining children with far less detrimental effects to their esteem and Psyche. Personally I think parents who spank their children are pretty lazy, they don't want to take the time to really deal with the issue so they turn them over and swat them on the backside. Instead of sitting down and using a positive form punishment and then explaning to the child why they are being punished. Your no's don't hold water because you don't stop and think you raise a belt.

Answer 2

Here's the bottom line: I have a master's degree in behavior modification. I have worked with thousands of children to change behavior. I have studied and applied research more than any other person that has answered this question (well, probably), and I'm raising 3 boys of my own. The reason people shouldn't spank their children is because it will not stop them from doing the behavior again. If a parent wants to change behavior they need to watch for the triggers (what happens just before the behavior) and intervene. They need to apply a just punishment for behaviors (take a way something they want like a toy, tv, bike, give a timeout, etc) and reward their children when they behave. If spankings changed behavior, I'd say parents should use them, but the other methods are more effective. I totally agree with you that parents ignore behaviors way too long. Effective parenting is hard work and parents need to be consistent. Ignoring a child that is hurting someone physically or verbally should not be allowed. Those children should be punished and taught what to do the next time they are provoked - I think teaching the correct way to solve problems is just as much of a key as applying a punishment.

There are good parents that use spanking, however, the reason their child's behavior changes is because of the other methods they are applying along with the spank. They would find the same results w/o the spanking. I've seen it so many times!

Answer 3

I'm totally with you. Beating a child would be wrong but a pat on the **** can sometimes be beneficial. True, you shouldn't spank very young kids, but once they're like two, they understand that if they do something horribly bad, they'll get a spanking (mine does). Spanking did not cause a bridge between my parents and me... actually my father and I are the best of friends. I don't approve of spanking for every little thing, but sometimes time outs just don't work on some children. It depends on the parents. I'm tired of hearing people say that spanking is "lazy". That's crap... spanking is hard, at least for me it is... I hate doing it... but sometimes that's what works on my little girl... those of you out there of a freaking crusade to end spanking, find something better to do...spanking will stick around as it has for centuries because it works. Simple... and no, it's not child abuse (whomever said that) it's only child abuse if you hit your child very hard, there is a different between beating and spanking. Get a clue.

Answer 4

I think the bottom line is that spanking is not an effective way to discipline a child. It doesn't teach an alternative to the behavior. Spanking communicates that hitting is an acceptable way to solve problems, and that it is all right for a big person to strike a smaller one. In addition, when children are spanked, they may know that they have done something wrong, but in many cases, they are too young to understand the lesson. It is a very difficult message for any adult or child to understand: "I hurt you because I don't want you hurt." Here's a link and at the bottom of the article there are suggestions for how to discipline children at different ages. Some may find it helpful.

Answer 5

THANK YOU.

Now welcome to my world, lol. I have been preaching the same theme for quite some time now. If you come out and support spanking (like I do) the anti spanker's jump all over you like a pack of lions. They try and compare a parental controlled spanking, with a raging monster who beats their kids senseless, leaving them covered in bruises from head to toe. No matter how much you try and explain that you only spank on the bottom, and have never left marks (which is how most states and countries define a legal spanking) They still throw you in with all the child abusers. Also they make the assumption, that just because you choose to spank, that you don't use any other methods. These are the same people who claim their children are so perfect, when we all know children raised with strict discipline and consequences (which include spanking) are behaved 10X better then those who aren't (in general). They make comments like "why would you want to hit your children?" Kind of like we enjoy it or something. Or "violence teaches violence", that's my favorite, I have seen more children who's parents never laid a hand on them acting like little monsters, hitting, pulling hair, scratching...... My girls are no stranger to a good old fashioned spanking, is it just pure dump luck that they are also non violent people? I don't think so. I do think there is one type of spanking which could influence hitting, that is when a parent loses their cool, and approaches their child in anger, and swats their bottom. This is not what we do, for us, spanking is planed, they are told that is what they have earned. We then go into a privet room to do it. I don't think this type of spanking models hitting at all, my girls are a testament to that.

I also think it's funny when people think that because we spank, we don't talk to our children, and teach them the right vs. wrong way. The spanking is over is mere seconds, but the teaching/communication takes over an hour sometimes. For us, it's important they understand why we had to enforce this punishment, and how they can avoid it in the future.

Anyhow, I completely agree with you. It's good to know I am not alone in my thinking.

Good Luck

Answer 6

I just wonder why almost everyone refuse to spank their kids when really bad. In many cases, the children must know that they should not have done the wrong things? If they know, why should we forgive them and said "don't do that next time"? If spanking will lead to thier violence behaviour, I also want to say forgive them by teaching them a lesson will also mislead them they will be forgiven by everyone when they are wrong.

Sometimes, they are out of control and even worst. Honestly, how many of you can control the behaviour of your kids without the spanking? I read from one mother's passage. She believe in pants and underwears down spanking. It is the most efficient way. And I strongly agree with her. Honestly, I was spanked in the same way when I was really bad before 10. I turn out really good now. I still love my parents. I understand I really hate spanking by my mum. However, do u you what is the meaning of punishment? Punishment is something u will be given that u really don't want to have or given when u fail to do sth or not behave well. If u enjoy it, how come it is a punishment? It is an award.

I was spanked with my pants down when I was really bad until 9. I think it really works for me. Because when I want to do sth wrong, I must think carefully the result. If I hate spanking with my pants down, I need to stop.

So everybody, try to think it deeply. To have a good kid, sometimes spanking is needed.

Answer 7

it's a matter of opinion....with that being said, i think the punishment should fit the crime. i spank my kids when necessary. i spank their bottoms. NOT their heads, back, face, or any where else. some "in the corner" worked, however, just like spanking it didn't (doesn't) always get the message across.
i was an ABUSED child! there is a fine line parents have to walk.
if you "smack" your child around...it shows. when you have an understanding of who is the parent, and who is the child...things work a little better.
so many parents have so many other things to do, they hate being the bad guy.
make your own choice! no one can live it for you....

Answer 8

I think that the problem with todays world is that there are so many judgemental critics out there that it makes people think twice about doing anything in this high pressured fast-paced business of parenting.

The thing is, spanking may get a reaction, but it stops becoming effective after a while, and teaches that child that the only way to get a message through is by hitting which I believe is wrong.

I think everyone should stay out of other people's business.

Answer 9

I'm a parent of two and I do spank.
I don't see anything wrong with that.
Kids now these days need some discipline.
And if some other parents don't spank
well that's there prerogative.

Answer 10

My parents spanked me when I was younger- that is, when I talked back constantly, did something very wrong, etc. It didn't ruin my self esteem, my confidence, whatever crap that people throw out these days. It taught me to not do it again! Frankly, I'm surprised at how many mothers actually believe all of this "don't punish your child by spanking them but with kind words and taking away toys" because it will hurt their self esteem. That's the biggest load of bull I've ever heard.