tips for controlling short patience/temper?

Question

I have a quick temper and when I get upset I just lose it yelling, cussing until my throat hurts or I burst into tears. I often times lose it over things that just don't matter and sadly I lose it mostly with the people closest to me (son, friends, family, etc). I try the deep breathing crap but it doesn't help and I usually don't even think of it until half way through my fit.....any tips on ways to have better control of temper esp. with the cussing?!? thanks

my DR won't give me any meds....says its normal. but this is beyond normal!

Answer 1

I am no doctor or anything and I believe my temper to be at a normal level or whatever but what you can do is if you have any hobbies or interests , whenever you think you are on the verge of throwing a nasty temper close your eyes then think of that hobby you like or that interest you are in and just think of how it makes you feel when you are doing something you like . when I am getting upset that's what I do . I start thinking about flowers and scrapbooking .

Answer 2

I've got a quick temper as well. Some of the best things to do are to take a few deep breaths and get away from the situation as soon as possible.

If you can't do that, try thinking different thoughts. They don't have to be good, just different. The more you think about how angry you are, the more angry you will become.

Also, this sounds very hard to do but, whenever you get in a situation where you feel like you're going to lose it, stop for a second and think if this is really worth getting mad at. If it's not, don't. It sounds stupid but once you do it a few times, it becomes second nature and soon you aren't getting mad at the little things any more. Just try it.

I also find writing a letter to whoever is making me mad works well too. Let all your frustration out on the stupid piece of paper and then throw it out. I've written hundreds with the intention to give them to the person and then didn't feel mad afterwards and threw it out.

When you get home, blare some music. Sing, punch a pillow, dance, whatever. Just find some way you can let off steam.

Answer 3

Your fuse is short because you have very little tolerance or patience for people or circumstances?

You first do not need to take drugs, you have to work on you getting things in your life under control. I lived with a person who had a temper and would go off at very minor little things almost as if everything in life irritated them.

Deep breathing will calm your heart down, but before you react at a snap, take 10 seconds to view the situation and all possible out comes. Yelling and cussing will not drive home any messages, it will only lead to further separation from the people you love in the long term.

You are the person who controls your life and thoughts, your reaction to any situation especially as an adult with children is very critical in what you are teaching your children about life.

If I were you, find out what makes you so unhappy in your life, understand it and then one day at a time, change your approach to the circumstances that set you off on a tangent.

Try and it will take effort on your part, not everyone reads minds and it is impossible to know what the other person is thinking that upsets you so much. The people around you love and respect you, it is your turn to repay their love and stop, think then calmly address the situation, it is hard but over time you will overcome and succeed.

Answer 4

You know, I lose my temper during the day quite a bit, not to the degree you lose yours but I do it pretty bad. I have a very stubborn and demanding 3 yr old boy and he just makes me lose it a few times a day. But there are some days when I wake up and think of how grateful I should be for my life and gifts that I have been given; the children I have, the home I live in, the freedoms we have in this country, and I try to give myself a pep talk. I tell myself to stop feeling sorry for myself for having a difficult child and that I need to take every step one step at a time. The more I show my anger and loss in temper the more I am shaping my son to be a lunatic too. That's the last thing I want to do - make my son crazy because I am crazy.

I don't knwo if you have children or what you have. Whatever it is you have it is far better than what others have. Some people can't even speak from a collapsed trachea or esaphagus so be grateful for your voice you have. Some people have to endure much much more challenges than you endure in your day so be grateful that you have it as easy as you do.

If there is ever something that has helped me through my days and through my life, it is to be grateful for all that I have and to not take things for granted. Cursing and yelling at people show that I am spoiled and not grateful for those around me.

I can't give a step by step guide to how not to lose your temper, that is all up to you. But I can give you one piece of advice: know that you are lucky for the things you have and for those people that are around you for there are others that have nothing. It's all about training yourself and working on yourself. The mind is so strong and you have to just be able to control it.

Answer 5

Short Patience

Answer 6

This is really hard because it's something that you are conditioned into like a habit. Habitual energy is difficult to break, and generally cannot be broken all at once.

However, the opposites of habit energy are concentration and awareness. Have you ever seen a big bird standing motionless in a river and the very instant a fish jumps up the bird catches the fish?

You have to strive to be the same way. If you are unaware and not concentrating, then that leaves the door open for conditioned reactions to break through. When the smoke clears it will already be too late.

So the next time you DON'T feel angry, be very cautious. Realize, "hey, I'm OK right now." and keep that kind of awareness in the front of your mind. Then something will happen that makes you snap. At first, you'll just snap anyway because the ratio of habit energy to concentration and awareness is out of balance. This means that the harder you try to be aware of the fact that at one point you feel fine and at the next point you snap, the less likely you will be to snap each time. If you just give up and say "oh I can't do that." "I can't concentrate." Then you'll be even more stuck. Like quitting smoking, the longer you wait to try to quit, the harder it will be.

Also consider the fact that anger is like a map that shows you what you do not want. Anger comes from tolerating things too much without expressing how you really feel. You may not be expressing yourself out of fear or apprehension. You may need more sleep or exercise. It could be an overall large number of things causing it. It could be resentment, sexual frustration or even a chemical imbalance.

One more thing. I got divorced about five years ago and I was so angry that I just didn't even know what to do with myself. I punched holes in the walls and I smoked and drank. I was a complete and total wreck. Then a friend of mine suggested I go to the gym with him, just to try it out. At first I was so tired that I couldn't do much, but after about three weeks of it I noticed how much better I was feeling. I wasn't even trying to make an effort not to be angry anymore, I just kept running and swimming and lifting weights. In six months I felt so good you simply do not know. I stopped smoking and drinking and now I'm 40 with a six pack and a new wife!

My point is this. Wait for it to happen again, or take active steps to subvert it. The choice is yours.

Answer 7

Everyone has life changing moments. Mine was sitting at a stop light in the left turn lane. The lady in front of me was in the lane by accident. I started honking the horn. I think I was ready to get out of the car to yel at the woman. My wife and two teen daughters were in the car with me. My oldest daughter said, so what is the big deal, we get there two minutes later, in the whole scheme of life is it worth the agrevation. It took about a half an hour before my anger at both of them cooled off, but my daughter was right. Two minutes over the course of a lifetime is nothing to get angry about. I got an appoint with my family practictioner several days later and got some anxiety medication (Buspar). It took about a week before the meds took full effect, but I literally thank my daughter at least once a week for saying that to me. That was about twelve years ago and my life has been fantastic ever since. Now I only get angry at the things that really deserve it. The rest of the time I really do enjoy life, really.

Answer 8

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Michelle, The best thing I've found to eliminate anger is a good sense of humor. Life is full of nonsense and craziness. Of course it doesn't make sense. There will always be something to be upset about if you allow that to happen. Therefore, learn to laugh at it. Instead of getting upset, just realize that it's life. There is very little of it that we can change so there is no reason to get upset. When it starts to get to you just put on a little knowing smile and let it go. If getting upset would change things, then I would say sure, do it, but it won't help you or anyone else so smile on through.

Answer 9

Maybe it's time to get a second opinion. I have been having trouble with my patience/temper as well, and I'm sure if I mentioned it again to my dr., she would put me down like a horse. Once you get the second opinion, you might actually search for the real cause/root of your anger and then focus on reconciling it. Good Luck! Hope this helps.

Answer 10

You might need meds, cuz it may be hormonal or chemical imbalance. I used to get bad PMS sometimes, and since I got prego, I've gone off the deep end. It is terrible, I feel like I could murder (for stupid stuff). It's my hormones. You might want to try the naturalpathic route also, if you can find a ND (it's a Naturopathic doctor, they are MD's but also do extra studies in Naturopathic medicine), you may be able to find a good way to get back on track. Some of that stuff can be inherited too. Good luck!
PS: On the whole, ND's listen to their patients more and get to the root of the problem, instead of just peddling drug company drugs.