will I ever stop crying?

Question

Since I lost my dad a month ago any little thing starts me crying, he died very suddenly he wasnt even ill. Im in my thirtys Im not a child but i cant seem to move on. can anyone help?

I must admit I've got no friends I've just got the net as company.

I cant talk to my mom shes a mess and Im the oldest child so have to be the strong one.

Answer 1

The pain of losing a loved one you were close to at any age is like nothing else on earth. We are so unaware of the devastation it can cause before it actually happens to us.

The pain is raw, it's mental emotional and physical pain. This is a very difficult time for you. They say that time heals but that doesn't help and I know when my lovely dad died, I almost didn't want time to pass because I felt it would take me further and further away from him.

In a way MY time DID stand still....feeling frozen and numb and angry at the same time.

You may find yourself looking at men in the street who are a similar age to your dad and thinking...'well, YOU'RE alive...why not my dad?'

Bereavement can be likened to a very long rough road that you have to travel down. You stand at the beginning of the road when the death has occured and you know you must walk along it but at first you turn away and look back to your dad. You don't WANT this road, you want your dad back. Then as you turn to start your journey of bereavement there are tidal waves before you and it can feel like you are completely engulfed in it with no way out....maybe not even wanting to get out, not caring what happens to you. The crying, the sharp stabbing pains of shock, as again and again, you realise your father is dead.

Nothing in life can prepare you for these feelings, because there is nothing like it. You somehow pass through the tidal wave and you're not sure how...time carried you through. Then reality begins slowly bit by bit, to sink in and you have the reality that you are, without your dad. He cannot come back.

You will continue along this rocky road where at any moment you will cry or even sob and the pain returns hard. The crying stops and you continue along, often on automatic pilot, but beginning to pick up the thread of your daily routine.

The road becomes easier, less rocky and you begin to enjoy things, though your dad is always in your heart. From time to time you will encounter a jagged rock will make you stumble and the tears come again, but this time you can continue your journey and do not need to stop and rest.

And so it continues, the road of life, there will be fewer and fewer jagged rocks ahead of you now as the grief becomes more gentle with you and turns into beautiful memories of your dear dad. Then you know you can go on because your dad is with you in your heart always.

Let the emotions come..don't fight them away....it is a road you need to travel and it will be one of toughest you have ever faced, but each time you ACCEPT the pain and the tears you move a little further forward.

The length of time it takes is different for everyone...I don't think you can put any time limit on it.

It's been 6 years now since I lost my dad...I still wish I could have him back but now I am able to live my life with loving memories and the occasional tears.

Take good care of yourself. Best wishes.

Answer 2

Sweetie, you don't have to be strong for anyone! Let it all out! Cry ,scream if you feel the need and grieve in your own way. A month is a very short time to be thinking of coping with the loss of a loved one.Grieve WITH your mum and family, talk about your dad and re live good memories, in time you will find that you can talk about him without crying, but be able to laugh at some of the happy times you shared with him.He will always be with you and part of you, you will get used to him not being around physically.Hope this helps a little.

Answer 3

Crying is the best medicine. you will okay once u heart cries out. Its just been 1 month so its normal to cry, u must be depressed and I dont think any answer will able to help u. Your answer is in ur own hands. Just do the things that u always wanted to do may be that cam replace ur grief, even that r the craziest things bcoz when we do crazy things we feel ok. or else get into some problem bcoz when problems r around u you wont get time to cry.
All the best!!!

Answer 4

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I hope you'll understand my point of view...
I don't believe "Time is a healer" ... I hate phrases like that. When my husband died I heard it all, people are just saying that because they don't know what else to say, and frankly it's much better just to keep their mouth shut and offer some help if needed, a warm sincere hug, make you some tea and sit and cry with you...

Thirty years from now you'll still miss and love dearly your father. And you will feel the pain. So... Time won't heal. The fact is that time will pass... Just that, nothing more.

Sorry everybody, I just don't believe in nonsense like that...

Don't worry about crying... Just cry...Wherever, whenever...

I think too I need to be the strong one, but :( I'm just postponing the tears... You don't want to be on this road believe me. I wish I had someone to hug me and tell me to cry...

{{{{{{{{louise}}}}}}}}}

Answer 5

I lost my Dad almost 9 years ago he would have been 87 tomorrow and I'm crying now while i write this, for me it has got a little easier but certain music words or even places can set me off, i can't look at fathers day cards and when my wife buys cards for her parents i can't be there when she do's because silly as it may sound i get jealous that she still can.
You will move on , i guess you were very close to your Dad so it will take time it has for me but things do get better i promise you.

Answer 6

Firstly - I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm sure you must still be in shock. Bereavement and grieving are stages you have to go through for It's a very traumatic time for anyone who has just lost a parent. Cyring is good for you.

All I can suggest is to keep in touch with your family and and "Time is a Good Healer".

Nothing anyone say's willmake any difference I know - but there are some very helpful websites so why not do a search under 'bereavement' ?

xx

Answer 7

Not really. Only time will help. I'm really sorry for your loss - I lost my brother to suicide a few years ago and it's an indescribable pain.
The fact that you are crying might actually be a good thing as you are able to grieve. Personally I shut out the memories of my brother and I don't think that's very healthy.

Answer 8

Yoy would not be normal if you didnt cry this way! people always tell you you should be strong, but you have lost a parent and it feels catestrophic.. i hope you can find someone to talk to. Counselling does help, simpy because you can let all of your feelings out and they mostly tell that it is normal and that you are a wonderful person, because you are! i really hope you can find some way of getting through this heartbreaking time...

Answer 9

It's perfectly normal. I'm in my fifties and lost both my parents some time ago. I went to see my doctor and explained that I still cry sometimes (expecting him to say I was a lunatic). He actually said "So do I!". A month is nothing for bereavement. You will never get over it but in time you do learn to live with it...

Answer 10

Sorry to hear about your dad...grieving takes time, and a month is still very soon....I have lost my sister who was 30 years old to cancer, and my dad when I was 18, both about 20 years now....you will never forget them, but you must always remember him in happier moments, he will always be alive in your heart, just think of him being in a better place and remember him for all the good that he has brought to your life...Celebrate his life by remembering and treasuring those moments, but by all means grieve as long as it takes, your crying will stop, when you are ready. God Bless and keep you and may your dad rest in peace