it's been ten years, no ring?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for ten years. We talk about ring styles, where to have a wedding, and what baby names we agree on. We are both close with each others parents and have a healthy relationship. I have been calm and patient for the most part, but since I have turned 29, my life is moving fast and I want to start a different phases in my life. He has voiced he wants the same but he says he has not moves into the next phases because he says he is not able to support us financially.He does not have alot of money, but we are doing just fine with both of us bringing in money. He also says he does not want to grow up. Do you have any advice before I lose my patience.

Answer 1

Advice: Encourage him. Tell him you are growing impatient.

As a man, I can tell you that, as far I as I am concerned, I am already "married" to my fiancee...we've been togethrer for 6 years, engaged one. Im marrying her for her, not for me. Marriage doesnt mean much in the long run to us men (most of us anyway)...he is with you and happy - why mess it up (is his train of thought). So, you have to let him know how much it means to YOU...

Good luck!

Answer 2

How can u be patient 4 "10 yrs?" 9 more than I! He doesn't want to grow up I "Knew" u were going 2 say at the end! Here u both
had plenty of time 2 be financially established, at r childbirth yrs
then some. All this should've had place yrs ago, except u have a child already, who can't nor won't grow up. I'm leary on your healthy relationship as r both so dependent on each other, he's
like u've grown so attached 2 each other being there, why should
I marry her, kids would be taken MY attention away from ME!See
it's all about HIM not U or what U want, he just wants U & his lil
Nintendo O interruptions this realationship! This is the hardest ?
I've had to answer! But give him an altimatom, if he goes for it trust me things'll only get worse, cause it's not "his way" I wish I had 1 thing good 2 say, but I've seen this in my family! Please it's not too late 4 U, Kick em to the curb, O will change now with a ring, he'll hold that against U as "HE CAN'T" Committee! But I do wish you the Best of Luck in all your Endeavours it's just that after 10 wasted yrs that could have ring, marriage, children, I know "YOU DESERVE A HELL OF ALOT BETTER!!!!
Summer
P.S. sorry if i sound angry/upset, it happened 2 lil sister at 29 yrs
& it we all had to become envolved as he O wanted her to have
anything & she wound up in a shelter where they'd get her treatment 4 her & the kids as they'll do that, family can't

Answer 3

Sorry girl... 10 years and no ring? You'll never see it. What's going to happen in the next year or two that will change your financial situation? Is he gonna get a big promotion? A great new job? Win a lottery? If nothing is likely to change - then the "not being able to support" you is just an excuse. Plenty of people live on limited means, and are happy. You are not getting any younger, and at 29, you are overdue for marriage and having kids - to be frank. He has an issue with marriage for whatever reason, and this issue is not likely to go away. Look for other options. Your patience should have run out long ago.

Answer 4

Let's be honest, nobody is ever ready enough financially (or most any way honestly) to get married and start a life together. After 10 years you are both fooling yourselves. Him for not having asked you earlier and you for not putting down the ultimatum at least 5 years ago. You need to tell him that you are ready now, and if he isn't you need to move on. Yes, it's 10 years down the drain, but 10 years down the drain is better than 11 or 15 or 20. Also you two have the high school relationship, it started and is built at a time when neither of you really realize what a mature relationship requires. Sit down and tell him that you want to get married and if he is not mature enough to handle that, then you will find someone else who is. Sometimes all it takes is the realization that the "comfort zone" the two of you have sunk yourselves into is about to be ripped out from under him to put a little reality check in his life.

Answer 5

10 years? Either you are really patient or in denial (no offence meant). I had been with my fiance for 5 years before he propsed and I thought that was long enough. (we are 28 and 29 now, getting married in June) He did have a few valid reasons, wanted me to finish University and him technical trainig and buy a house first. within 6 months of those things being done he proposed. If he has told me he didn't want to grow up I would have told him to go be a child by himself. If you need a commitment you need to find someone willing to give you that. It doesn't sound like he will be any time soon. Sorry. Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 6

Hiya

I was with my (now fiance) for 3.5 years and there was no sign of a ring but loads of excuses. We are both in our 30s.

I got fed up of waiting as I felt that he should know by now whether or not I was the one he wanted (as he had had a couple of previous long term relationships). He couldn't make up his mind so I told him that if a ring was not on my finger by 1st January, he would be ditched on the 2nd of January.

I got a beautiful engagement ring on Christmas Day and we are marrying in August.

I think the threat just focused his mind a little. He would have got round to it eventually but when he realised I was serious, he decided that I was what he wanted.

You have to decide if he is what you really want, or whether you are with him because you are scared to find someone else - after all, 10 years is a long time. They you have to work out whether or not you are prepared to take a risk by giving an ultimatum, and then carry it out if it doesn't go your way.

Good luck!

Answer 7

You don't really have a healthy relationship if you are not moving on to the next level, since that is what you want. You have already been SEVEN years too patient - more than I would have been. This is just silly. It has nothing to do with money, and you know that. He doesn't want to get married. At 29, you deserve better.

Answer 8

So you are going to give up on the man you love and have spent all these years with because he won't marry you? Are you mad?

Marriage isn't a day and a frock and a ring - its a life long commitment. It means spending days together when you don't love each other as well as the ones you do - weatheringthe storms together as well as the sunny days - being there for each other and supporting and understanding. Isn't that what you do already? So what is the rush for the frock and the ring and the do? Get on with loving your man and leave the fripperies for the silly celebs who split as soon as the going gets tough.

Answer 9

Think he is leading you on but you can never be sure. Suggest a six month break. If at the end of it you both still want to be with each other but he still thinks he doesn't want to move in to the next phase of his life let him be a Peter Pan and get yourself a life. It won't happen overnight but you will already have wasted more than a decade of it.

Answer 10

you really need to evaluate your situation.
10 years is a long time...but that wouldn't bother me if you were 25 and had been dating since you were 15....(my guy and i have been together for 8 years, but we're also both only 24 and I'm still in school)

don't get me wrong, 29 isn't old...but you are definitely adults and he needs to realize that.
he also needs to get off his high horse and realize that he doesn't have to be the breadwinner...if you've been together for 10 years he should understand the whole partnership thing...and plus...unless you both still live with your parents, it's definitely not a legitimate excuse.

sister...let him know how you feel!!!!
i know you said that you have, but seriously, sit down with him and have a talk. if he runs it was never going to work anyway.

love is about putting others before yourself...but you can't try to make him happy at the expense of disappointing yourself.

good luck!

Answer 11

I've been in a similar situation. Dated the same guy for about 10 years, and we were living together for hte most part. Guy had the same excuse- told me he loved me but financially unable to provide for the family yet. I made him propose to me really fast. Dont' give him any ultimatums -- they only show your weakness and make matters worse. After all, you've invested so many years of your life into him that you don't want to throw it all away just yet. What I did I stopped bending backwards and forward for him and started to pull back a little, got new set of my own friends, started to spend less time with him, and ended up moving out so I could be closer to my new school. The pulling away made him so nervous that HE started asking me questions about where our relatiosnhip is going. I honestly told him that I love him but I'm not sure where things are going with us and I want to have my own life too. He proposed within 6 months. So let him know that you'd love to marry him but you have your own life too and need to think about yourself first. You'll get that ring soon. Good Luck to you! I hope it all will work out.