I know there is not handbook to life, but what the heck, I might as well just ask this question. I love my gf and we are going to move in together soon. She has a four year old daughter and I don't want to become the "evil stepdad." As of right now, the daughter and I get along wonderfully. She always hugs me when she sees me and we play together, etc. I have never really been very firm with my girlfriend's daughter, however. My gf and I discussed this and my gf said that it's okay for me to discipline her daughter (give time outs), etc, if I feel she is getting out of hand. I just want to be loving, but I have never been a father. I always compliment my gf's daughter when she does a good job at something, and I encourage her to do good things, etc. What else can I do to be a good father? I want to provide a loving environment for both my gf and her daughter, but this is a big step for me. I've never lived with a woman before, let alone a single mom.
2007-02-26 10:12:47 · 12 answers · asked by mspidey2007 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
7 minutes ago
By the way, I know all the common sense stuff (i.e. don't cuss, love the mom and show affection, don't argue in front of the daughter). I guess my question is more along the lines of those "little" things that so many fathers miss.
2007-02-26 10:13:13 · update #1
Looks like you are on the right track.
I would include the girl in all the things that you can...Never lie to the child...I'll give you an example ......
You are heading out the door and the child wants to go with you....You can't take her along, so you say to her...go get your jacket., and as she's doing that, you split....What a bad move and so many people do it.
just be kind....kids will always appreciate true kindness.....
Another thing I'd stay away from is buying the child's affection... Such as "making it up to the child" by buying them something....You will teach them how not to appreciate things.
I think, that bottom line is common sense....And lots of love and attention... no toy will beat that....
2007-02-26 10:24:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's what I'm talking about a stand up guy. You make us all look good man.
So her it is I've been in similar situationsin the past and it helps just to listen to her. I know that she's only 4 but she still has an idea about what she wants. Find out more about her aske her some of her favorite things to do. Find out everything that you can and continue doing what you are doing. It sounds like things are going great so far. Also plan little play dates with her when just you and her go out and do things and mom stays at home or goes out to do something else while you two hang out. The main thing is to find out her interest and go from there.
As far as discipline don't be fooled there are going to be some times when she gets mad at you but what ever you do be consistent. Don't let her play you against your girlfriend kids will try to do that. Just be firm with her and let her know that you mean buisness when the time calls for it.
Keep up the good work and good luck to you.
2007-02-26 10:23:52 · answer #2 · answered by ltwatkins77 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's my take on this. 1. Always be think before you react. 2. Always reward the good just as quick as you would deal out discipline for the bad. 3. Positive reinforcement is more powerfull and strict discipline. 4. Teach responsiblity with accountability.. in other words if they fail at a responsiblity always hold them accountable. 5. A Dad is a strong figure in any childs life, a LOVING DAD is the ultimate super hero. 6. Always treat your step-daughter as though she was your own... no exceptions.
One other think I will point out as a Step-Dad to two daughters, there is no stronger bond than the one between a mother and her daughter. Even though your GF says you should discipline as you see fit, there is a line where the severity of the punishment brings about a discussion and agreement between the parents before it is administered. Always error on the light side until you speak with your GF about the matter.
Good luck with your new responsiblity and I commend your efforts!
2007-02-26 10:22:54 · answer #3 · answered by wrkey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a great guy. Keep doing what you are doing, but be quick to agree with your girlfriend when she corrects the girl.
You should probably do some things with just your girl too, like take her to the park on saturdays to let your gf get some Me time. that will help you two establish your own relationship.
Also, you haven't mentioned the girl's father. If he's in the picture, always be positive in your comments about him and tell him that you are are concerned for his daughters well being and that you do not intend to take his role but that you will be living with her, so both of you need to put aside your egos for her sake.
2007-02-26 10:25:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My stepdad took over the role of father when I was just over a year old. He disciplined me (spankings) just the way I would expect a father to do. He and my mother would have another child (my half-brother). Nothing changed, my stepdad saw me as a blood-related son, and as the 1st born. My mom and step-dad would later divorce, but nothing changed. I call him "Dad" - I call my biological father "Papa". I'm still on his will for half the assets.
If I were to date and marry a girl with children, I would do the same thing. Children are a blessing no matter how you look at it, and I know I'm very blessed to have such a great dad.
2007-02-26 10:20:21 · answer #5 · answered by LGT 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing I think you can do are the obvious things. Stick to your guns when you disapline, but not with an iron fist if you know what I mean. When she does well praise her! Also, be sure to have family days together all of you so she has the sence of family and security...sounds like your doing an awsome job..and I can't say I know anymore than you do. Sounds like your on the right path....
2007-02-26 10:17:47 · answer #6 · answered by Poptart 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take your daughter places she'll never forget and will beg you to take her again.
Buy her icecream and sweets, but make sure she doesn't get cavities.
Read her bed time stories til she falls asleep. Spend as much time with her until she is a teenager. She'll remember you as a great dad and will still look up to you and won't be embarassed, even when she's older
2007-02-26 10:16:28 · answer #7 · answered by John Becker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just be you and always try to be there.love is the best thing you can give a child and if you believe in God having them in church on a regular basis is being a good role model.you're doing great. i wish my son had a father like you
2007-02-26 10:19:05 · answer #8 · answered by babyblues 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your heading in the right direction although she's just 4 keep it real and always talk openly with her and you seem like you will be a good dad.
2007-02-26 10:20:22 · answer #9 · answered by mike g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's hard for you to believe and take in, but you can never be a real replacement to your girlfriend's daughter. Nice try though.
2007-02-26 10:19:37 · answer #10 · answered by Scpwnz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋