I know there is not handbook to life, but what the heck, I might as well just ask this question. I love my gf and we are going to move in together soon. She has a four year old daughter and I don't want to become the "evil stepdad." As of right now, the daughter and I get along wonderfully. She always hugs me when she sees me and we play together, etc. I have never really been very firm with my girlfriend's daughter, however. My gf and I discussed this and my gf said that it's okay for me to discipline her daughter (give time outs), etc, if I feel she is getting out of hand. I just want to be loving, but I have never been a father. I always compliment my gf's daughter when she does a good job at something, and I encourage her to do good things, etc. What else can I do to be a good father? I want to provide a loving environment for both my gf and her daughter, but this is a big step for me. I've never lived with a woman before, let alone a single mom.
2007-02-26 09:40:13 · 7 answers · asked by mspidey2007 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You're such a sweet thing. You want what's best for your daughter. You want your gf to be happy. Keep this in mind NO MATTER WHAT!!!!
Ok, first things first, a father can't be TOO concern on what their daughters think of them. This is where fathers go astray. They want their daughters to be happy but you have to be concerned about her well-being. You want your daughter to grow up smart, right? You want her to make good decisions, right? Then you MUST discipline her whenever she does something bad. You MUST. Your daughter will thank you one day.
You must think things out. If your gf's girl eats too much ice cream or sugar, you need to tell her to put it away, she's had enough. Start with a small command and don't get strict at first. That's where evil step-dads come from. If the girl says, "No!" And whines or simply ignores you, you must go over, get down to her level, look her square in the eye (THIS IS IMPORTANT) and never raise your voice, and repeat your command in a serious tone, she will very likely listen to you. DO NOT THREATEN YOUR GIRL!! You may threaten to put her on the step, yes. But never "Or I'll kill you." Never "Or you'll never see the light of day again." Evil, sir, very evil.
If the girl insists, "Why?" Never ever ever ever ever ever EVER say "Because I told you to." EVER EVER. You don't want your girl to be under you. Don't treat her like a kid. Treat he like an adult. Give her a sophisticatedly answer. "If you eat too much, you'll get fat, hyper, and you'll never go to bed and when you won't go to bed you'll be tired and when your tired, you'll end up not going to sleep at night time and then you'll miss Barney." Something along those lines.
Treat the girl like an adult. And when not in discipline mode, be the very pleasant Dad figure you are. Smile. Joke with her. Don't always be "Mr. Dad". You can be a little play friend for her. When she invites you to a tea party... go. Don't say, "I have work to do sweetie, maybe some other time" and then NEVER DO IT!!!
Whenever you find time, play with the girl, relax, and only go into discipline mode when needed. This girl will thank you in the future.
And I hope this answers your question. You're a very kind step dad. Worry for her well being and the well being of your wife. The two have been through a lot. Divorce isn't easy, I know, but you can get through it together.
2007-02-26 09:54:09 · answer #1 · answered by My Name Doesn't Fit Here 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are already on your way to becoming a great step dad. You want to be a good dad and you are asking your girlfriend and others for help. Those are both great things. Some natural fathers don't even take those steps. When people first become parents they ask themselves similar questions. Honestly I think you can learn alot by being there, watching your girlfriend with her daughter, watching other fathers with their children, and reading books about parenting.
Definitely open communication with your girlfriend about how she'd like to see her child disciplined would be a good thing.
Good luck with everything. Keep up the good work, every child deserves people that love them, it doesn't have to be their natural parents.
2007-02-26 09:55:22 · answer #2 · answered by Mamaof3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like your doing a good job and you know what you are doing. Keep going and always be a support to the little girl and if you and your gf argue do not argue in front of her (You already know that). Also don't force her to call you dad, if she does then it will be ok if she is comfortable calling you that. Also being a good role model is just being you and making good choices and not swearing and cleaning up after yourself. That shows you have respect and that is the best gift you can give along with good moral values, You are right there is not a book to life but there are father books out there, i have seen them, but you sound like you don't need one your doing well, good luck and smile Because your one in a million :)
2007-02-26 09:53:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Assalamu alaykum truly prophet Muhammad turned right into a reliable function sort for fathers and also husbands and leaders. it really is why the author Michael H Hart has entered Muhammad because the first one among one hundred leaders who've been evaluated because the most influential persons in historic past in his e book observed as "The one hundred:A score of the most Influential persons in historic past" He loved all of his better halves and dealt with them nicely truly and gently.He respected and loved and also helped his better halves.He became recognized as a reliable father by all of his little children jointly with Fatimah..in accordance to hadith he prayed and enable his grand baby Hassan on his decrease back so his move in praying became so sluggish.He became an excellent chief who became relied on by all of his shahabahs He became also reliable commander interior the warfare He became loved by all of his human beings/followers and also became respected by his enemies
2016-12-05 00:00:27 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get yourself a copy of Reviving Ophelia. It's one of the best books about raising girls. And don't worry that it's geared towards adolescent girls... it works now, even when she'e 4...
Here's a link for it:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_b/002-6441956-8120044?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=reviving+ophelia
The one thing that's really important is being constant. If you aren't that, forget the rest....
2007-02-26 09:48:10 · answer #5 · answered by The ReDesign Diva 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
why dont you just read the life handbook?
2007-02-26 09:44:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You should marry your girlfriend ... if you want to move in together.
2007-02-26 09:45:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋