I have a serious family situation, can anyone offer advice?

Question

Hello everyone. I need some advice and an opinion on something. My father in law is 50 years old and almost 350 lbs. He has high blood pressure, diabetes that he uses insulin shots for, high cholesterol, etc. He refuses to get help for his problems. He has gained over 100 lbs. in the last 5 years and keeps going. His diabetes was mild up until a year ago and he controlled it with a pill. He continues to consume whole pizzas, donuts, candy, etc. He is on over 20 pills a day. My husband and I have a three year old and a five year old. He comes to see them twice a month, despite living a mile away. He has a new truck, so driving is not an issue. He refuses to get healthy and get off all of these medications. He has no thyroid problems, etc. for his weight problems. He will not play with our kids or go to holiday events. On holidays, he sits home in bed. When he does visit, he can't stay out of bed for more than 2 hours. He is very mean to the whole family. He takes pills for depession..

my question is: is it wrong of me to tell him not to come and see my kids anymore. I am afraid he is going to die and they are going to see this nonsense. They ask him to play and he yells....

It is just horrible. His wife, my mother in law, makes excuses for him. But, she sees the kids almost daily. For that I am grateful, but she always says he is such a sick man and needs his rest....what do my husband and I do???

Before anyone suggests talking to him: he will become violent. He has attacked my husband with his truck the last time. He screams in front of our kids. He says he will never see a therapist, etc.

he goes on these eating binges and eats a whole bag of candy and than shoots himself up with insulin to make up for it....

If we ignore him, he will go months in between seeing the kids, until my mother in law makes him come.

Answer 1

There really isn't much you can do...if he doesn't want to help himself no one will be able to do it for him. My suggestion is don't bother, I know it sounds cruel, but don't push for him to visit, obviously, and if he stops coming, which I believe that will happen soon, let it be...enjoy the company of your mother in law and don't visit them, so that your children don't have to be exposed to this mean person....I hate to sound negative but your children shouldn't be subjected to this kind of treatment, not from their grandpa who should be loving. God Bless you and your family, may your father in law see his error on his own and enjoy the wonderful gifts that God has given him...your children and his life.

Answer 2

Oh gee. This must be a hard situation for your family to go through. Since you say you've already tried talking to him about it, there's not much left to do but let him be.

And since he only sees the kids twice a month, then they don't have to be around a lot. So I wouldn't deprive him of the chance to see his grandkids while he's still breathing and able to do so. Because he is so violent and screaming all the time, I truly think it would make matters worse to tell him he is no longer able to see them. He may do something that he would later regret, but I don't think giving him the chance to do so is a good idea.

Try to go with the flow, and keep doing what you're doing. Not to be mean or rude, but by the way he is living now, you guys won't have to deal with him much longer.

Hope this helped and wish you guys the best!

Answer 3

Sounds like you're in a very bad position. On one side, you want your children to get to know their grandfather. On the other, you don't want them to suffer.

Maybe, since he gets violent with anyone who talks to him about it you could try letting the children write / dictate a letter (perhaps a video letter so he could see them).

In the meantime, prayer is something that's stronger than any doctor (mental or physical). Pray for him that he'll change his eating habits, that he'll become a more patient person (less violent), and that he'll become the father-in-law/father, husband, and grandfather that God intended for hime to be.

Answer 4

It is his life and his choices about getting healthy. No one can make him do it. I don't think you should keep your kids away from him because he chooses not to work on his health.

I don't think his wife is doing the right thing about making excuses for him. If it were my husband I would be more encouraging about getting healthier and I certainly would not buy foods that he was not supposed to have.

Good luck!

Answer 5

If he is rude ,has violent outbursts ,and is upsetting you and your children then I would not allow him around my children.He obviously has other problems than his weight issues . Sounds like he may have been misdiagnosed and could be Bipolar . He needs psychological help .Being obese and having health problems is non of your business . Its his life .But how he behaves around your children is another matter .

Answer 6

i would ask him not to carry on in front of the kids if he keeps doing it tell him not to visit till he gets it under control it`s not your fault he is sick so why yell & carry on at you`s it`s his problem tell him to deal with it they NO EXCUSE if he won`t get help why should everyone suffer because of him & his laziness tell him to wake up

Answer 7

needless to say your no longer delighted including your brother-in-regulation's habit yet 3 mths. isn't a huge chew of time to keep away from 2 human beings from going to reformatory. Sorry to declare, besides the incontrovertible fact that it does sound somewhat egocentric. He could have rented out his abode and gotten a lot greater money than he did by utilising permitting you to stay lease-loose! you assert which you have God on your marriage yet perchance you may desire to wish for empathy on your marriage as nicely. How long might they be imprisoned? What are the prisons like? How will they be dealt with? How do you think of his imprisonment is going to electrify your marriage? that's rather helpful to seem at it yet in a distinctive way. She is a very mature female, i might anticipate. perchance she could be a help to you, rather than a concern. i do no longer think of, in 3 mths. that she might anticipate you to wine and dine her. that is an emergency concern. i'm specific that she could be very grateful. perchance she might even carry the countless load from you by utilising babysitting now and back or making the countless nutrients. If she isn't having a perplexing being pregnant, she would be ready to no longer likely be mattress-ridden. i'm no longer able to envision any actual way which you will enable him down common. i'm specific he might think of of you daily that he became suffering in reformatory. Granted, his habit became no longer the main suitable yet he's in a doubtlessly risky concern. area of being a Christian is to have empathy for human beings. additionally, you'll be able to desire to seem on the long term era result that this might have on your husband's relationship along with his brother and finally, you as nicely. Refusing to help him in this occasion might basically approximately assure severing the family individuals ties. My maximum suitable advice to you is to chew the bullet for 3 mths. the three months could be slightly a tribulation for you and your loved ones besides the incontrovertible fact that it is going to bypass at as quickly as sufficient. that's afterall, in hassle-free terms 12 weeks out of your existence. Did they behave responsibly? No. yet human beings do make blunders and this could be a sort of circumstances the will arises think of with reference to the risky situation that they are in, as against the inconvenience to your self.

Answer 8

try giving him foods when he comes over it might get him to stop eating so many sugary foods

Answer 9

um.......... i think he should not see ur kids if he got violent infront of ur kids it will give the kids bad ideas!
anyways good luck with that

Answer 10

Pray for him and for God to touch his heart....and then forget it. Ignore him and see what happens.