Highschool thinking in my late 20s?

Question

Ok when I was in highschool I used to label some people as cool and the others as loser, nerds, geeks, etc.
Now I am acting the same way. I am very particular about the people I hang with. I will put down the people I deem uncool etc. I want to have an open mind but I always label people and sometimes I embrass them if I think they are uncool. Do others do the same? I haven't moved on with some of my highschool way of thinking how can I move on? Also, I heard many people say not to judge but I start judging from the second I see a person and can't stop it what is the best way to give others chance to prove themselves?

Answer 1

I think it's normal. A lot of people secretly think that way to themselves. HOWEVER, what makes you "beyond" the "highschool mentality" is not actually treating the people who you think are "geeks and nerds or just general uncool" like they way you would when you were in high school. You don't have to be their best friends - but just treat them with respect and be civil/nice/polite to them. That's all.

Whether people like to admit it or not - Americans love to judge other people - because it make us feel better about our own flaws. That's why Americans love reality TV shows so much, because they can say: "Wow! What a terrible mother she is! I would never do that. Oh, gosh! That girl thinks she can sing - she's making such a fool of herself. I hate that girl - she such a beech!" etc....

Once you have put your politeness into place towards your peers, the next step is to towards moving away from the highschool mentality is to stop thinking so much about others and start thinking about yourself - and STOP comparing yourself to other people. Think about your blessing and realize, not everyone has been as lucky or blessed as you have been - and if you aren't nice - the universe will teach you a lesson and you could easily lose what you've got and end up "uncool" - just so you get to see what its like to be one of these people you judge.

In the adult world, we are not living in the safe, secure little bubble we were living in when we were in high school. It is very easy for things to happen to us, that turn us from the once "Popular and cool" person - into "The Loser". If that ever happened to you - would you want people to think about you the way you do towards people who you think are "uncool"? If you lost your job because the company had cut backs and that put you into financial strain - would you want people to judge you and think you are a loser because of circumstances that happened beyond your control?

Like I said - you don't have to be friends with people who you don't want to be. In fact - you should NOT be friends with people you don't genuinly want to be with - because that's a superficial relationship and you'll never be a true friend to that person anyway. But you can always think what you want - just keep it to yourself. Don't gossip. Even if your "cool" friends are bashing someone - take the adult, mature, high road and don't agree with them, or participate. If you want to take an even higher road, you could say: "C'mon guys, don't be cruel, she just went through a divorce/had a hard life, etc... We shouldn't be making fun of someone, it's not appropriate for someone our age.

UNLESS: The only time it is acceptable to Judge, gossip or make fun of someone is if they are truely just a horrible/mean/rotten/miserable person. They are fair game and deserve to be gossiped about.

Try that to start with. And remember - even tho you may judge in your head - no one knows what you are really thinking unless you tell them. So no harm has been done yet. You don't have to ACT on your judging thoughts. Be polite, and nice. If possible - give the person a chance. Sometimes as you get to know someone, you realize "hey, they are kind of cool ". Some people are WAY COOL , but only reveal it to people who really know them, and keep it "low key" around acquaintences - or to keep a professional image.

Hope that helps you out!

Answer 2

I think everyone does this to some varying degree or another. We all judge others, but remember you're not perfect and no one would want you to be, so don't expect others to fall under the category of perfection. The nerdiest people are sometimes the most interesting, as are the ones you might be deeming uncool. What makes them uncool in your eyes? This might be a time to look inwardly at yourself and figure out what is causing you to look at others in such a harsh light.

That being said, my fiance does the same thing and it drives me nuts. I find it very immature. Hopefully you don't do the same thing to women, because you will never find one to live up to your standards.

Answer 3

The best way to get started on this self-improvement journey is to simply SHUT UP! You know the old adage, "If you don't have something nice to say, then don't say anything at all." Keep your opinions to yourself, and talk to these people! No one says you have to make a life-time commitment to them! You will be a much more well-rounded person if you just give people a chance. If you don't change, people will be labeling you as "that shallow girl who can't grow up!!" Good luck to you!

Answer 4

Heres your task:

Whether you like it or not you need to start trying to hang around people who are losers geeks and nerds. Spend time with them and get to know them and try to see things from there point of view and only and I mean and ONLY then will you be able to have a more open mind. Trust me when you hang around them you may say hey its not as bad as I thought.

Also consider this a priority one! In the career world its important to get along with people of all diversities dont like it tough and Im sure you being in your late 20s know that TAKE ACTION NOW or tommorow not later this week not next month the best time is now.

Answer 5

I hate putting up with people like that, and I AM in High School now. It's very immature, and this is a 15 year old telling you this. To break free, you must force yourself to hang out with people you would never normally hang out with. forget that labels exist completely. find something you have in common with them (if you don't then just talk about society or how Bush sucks) make it work.

Answer 6

Remember that all the things you notice with annoyance or disgust, and despise the most in others, are exactly the things you dislike and deny about yourself.

Being cool is about being superficial. It's about putting out a shallow image to please someone whose opinion you think matters. You are superficial because you are afraid of your loserly real self, who isn't actually a loser but you are terrified that someone might think you are.

The good news is, now that you've noticed you're being an *******, change is inevitable. Go with it. Get to know your real self. Maybe you will find you really are cool just being yourself - being ourselves is what makes us cool and original and interesting, not being "the opposite of uncool."

Answer 7

You are asking yourself important questions which demonstrates a great deal of growth and self-awareness.

From what you have written, I think you have moved on with your way of thinking. We all change every single day.

I think we all judge others the moment we see a person (subliminally or otherwise). The way people look or dress affects our opinion of them straight off, the key is to listen and observe.

They may have a great deal in common with you, or see things from a very different perspective and be quite interesting. People are not required to "prove" themselves anymore than you are.

Carry on!

Answer 8

your clone has arrived and I'm 56 :) I have gotten much better over the years, but I would call this human thinking, not 20's thinking. People just don't admit they do it :) You might have what is called a prophet personality (nothing to do with religion), but you have a high expectation of justice and fairness. That would be me ! The best thing to help me overcome this was to go online and take the $5 Myers Briggs test that tells all the details about the 16 personalty types. IT REALLY HELPS YOU UNDERSTAND WHY OTHERS DO WHAT THEY DO and makes one much more tolerant of others' behaviors if they are indeed connected to personality. The other thing I try to say to myself when I mentally start to judge (immediately like you do :) is I say over and over "Look at the log in my own eye", which means if I was focused on correcting my own flaws, they would be so big I wouldn't be able to see "around the log" and see theirs. This is all theory, for we all judge and are sinners etc. But it really might be amazing for you to do that Myers Briggs thing because it even tells how to find jobs, love relationships, areas of growth needed in you, and tons and tons of books written on it. email if you like.

Answer 9

Maybe youre just not ready to grow up yet. But your doing yourself a disservice. Youre not hurting anyone but yourself. You could be missing out on some great friendships.
The problem is youre shallow. Maybe a self help book will teach you how to look beyond the surface.

Answer 10

In this regard, changing how you think is not necessary. What's most important is changing how you act. You can judge people all you want, but keep it to yourself. Seriously. Treat everyone you meet/know with the same amount of respect you'd like to be given to you.
Remember what they tell you when you're little? If you've nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.