The guy I started seeing is a wonderful man and I have always been more experimental than most, but I am concerned that he may be cheating outside the swinger's parties that we have attended. I understand sharing with one another and while we are together, but I am concerned that he may be seeing one or more women aside from myself, outside of the parties. Should I be worried? We have discussed this and he did tell me that he wasn't seeing anyone else, so I don't know if I should push the issue.
2007-02-26 08:34:57 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Swinging as a consensual adult activity and infidelity are two different things. Even in swinging, there's rules that you two agreed upon (or should have discussed and agreed upon before you even started). Even with couples that adopt the swinging lifestyle, the relationship is still built on trust. I'm pretty sure that you guys didn't agree to swinging=blank check to go have sex with other people anytime without your partner's knowing. Know how to differentiate between swinging and infidelity. If either one of you are having physical relationships or forming emotional bonds to other people that your partner don't know about and wouldn't want you to, then it's infidelity. It's a breach of trust. Treat it and suspicions of it as such. If he isn't seeing someone else and you are satisfied with this as the truth, then you are fine. If you have concerns of his infidelity, then discuss that with him as you would do even if you weren't swinging. One is not a necessary conclusion or justification of the other.
2007-02-26 08:59:30 · answer #1 · answered by Elisa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you have reasons then questions those reasons tell him how you feel and say you still feel this way and ask him what you should do to not feel this way when he does the following : (here is where you list why your worried , what makes you think he is out with another women is he staaying late at work! are you finding other numbers laying around a shared area., list all the reasons... )
Now take those reasons and ask yourself if they seem real like if someone questioned you about those things and you were not cheating! he answered this question but you don't believe him! so ask yourself those questions if they feel silly then they are!
Our emotions get the best of us every once in a while so sometimes a counter check with self is needed!
trust is a KEY factor for a healthy realationship and communication as well as passion!
so once you answer those questions to your self in someone elses shoes and you have some that are not silly then push the issue.. if he gets supper mad that you haven't let it go then explain to him why again. and if he just gets down right ticked off and mad because he don't want to talk about it anymore! ask him how are you to let it go when you feel he is lieing to you? and then pack your bags and find someone who will be honest!
most honest peeps they may get upset but if you openly explain why you are having a hard time dealing with this most men who are not doing something they are not suppose to do will understand and put up with it!
2007-02-26 16:44:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not have admitted societal guidelines that enforce certain behavior so you need to talk openly about this. If he became upset by the inquiry I think this would be hypocritical. I suppose you can learn a lot about human relationships using this lifestyle, I consider myself naive. After some time however I expect you will be more happy in a monogamous relationship so you may want to consider this aspect of fidelity and take is seriously.
2007-02-26 16:43:13 · answer #3 · answered by Ron H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go with your gut. There are rules to being a swinger as there is in any relationship. If you are open to being in that lifestyle ( a very fun one indeed) then you need to make sure that all the rules are followed - safe sex and always with the knowledge of your partner. If you think he is not abiding to the rules then it needs to be discussed. BUT don't harp at him if you are not certain. Trust runs both ways
2007-02-26 16:39:32 · answer #4 · answered by ice_princess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The two of you have made a decision to be swing... and that is something that you do together as part of an open relationship... so all you can really do is trust that he is telling you the truth when he says that he is not doing anything behind your back... but you have already given him the green light to cheat... you allow him to do it...
2007-02-26 16:40:09 · answer #5 · answered by ***Girlie Girl*** 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont know guess i never understood the real difference.... he likes to f**k other girls what does it matter if you are always there... thats the point of f**king other women a variety or an orgy.
I understand the whole experimental stages of swinging, and why couples who have been married 35yrs do it, but why date a person expecting a serious relationship out of it?
I say if your worried about it talk to him about it but don't be totally crushed if he tells you the truth!
Good luck
2007-02-26 16:45:54 · answer #6 · answered by melissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No he's not seeing someone else. He's having sex with someone else.
Besides how can someone cheat if you're free to have sex with other people at a swinger's party? Unless your rule is that sex with another person is okay as long as you're both in the room to supervise one another. In which case, you have a very odd sense of propriety.
2007-02-26 16:40:35 · answer #7 · answered by wineboy 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Most people would say you should leave it alone because you swing. I know swinging is a mutual arangement and any sex he has that isn't at a party or with you would be considered cheating. As far as you question, you just have to go with your heart until you get proof.
2007-02-26 16:39:30 · answer #8 · answered by Doug 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmm...What makes you think that he is cheating outside of the swinger parties? If he says he is not cheating and you have no concrete proof that he is, then I say you take his word for it.
Btw, when is the next party and can I come? ;)
2007-02-26 16:39:05 · answer #9 · answered by Harry Taco 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your fears are founded.
Swingers usually are compensating for other shortcomings in their own relationship and the fact that you have already begun makes dealing with relationship problems much more difficult.
Swinging is fun and all but it does bring about problems that usually cannot be forseen and are obscured by the "arrangements"....until they are irrepairable.
2007-02-26 16:39:18 · answer #10 · answered by ©2009 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋