My question pertains to my 9 year old son. How do I keep him from being so hard on him self?

Question

My question pertains to my 9 year old son. He is a very gifted child. He makes straight A’s in school with little or no effort. He has athletic skills beyond most 9 year olds in a wide variety of sports. It seems what ever he dose he can do well. When he trains at something he dose get better very fast. Let me set the living arrangement. His mother and I are divorced and I am remarried now. His mom dose baby him to a degree. When we go to eat he still wants to eat from the kids menu. When I know that that will not fill him up and he will be hungry in a short time latter. But his mom lets him order from the kids menu and he argues with me when I tell him to order from the adult menu. Its little things like that that I think do not help him mature. Ok here’s my question. In most circumstances when he has any type of failure he breaks down and cry’s. Like in a baseball game last night he missed a pop fly that was not that easy of a catch. He got upset with himself and then missed another play. This really shook him up and he broke down crying. I try to combat this in different ways but none of it seems to help. I have tried rewording him for not doing it. I have tried just talking to him positively about it. I have tried threading to take him out of the game. This happens in all the sports he plays. Like in soccer if he drives down the field and shoots and misses he will start to cry. I also ask him about pro sports stars and how they make mistakes and ask him if he is perfect, when he says no I say well no one is and we all miss plays so just move to the next one, you will get the next one you have a lot of baseball or soccer or what ever sport to play and you will make that play most of the time. He can’t seem to. It is so bad it really takes a great player out of the game when he doses this because he dwells on it so much. How can I fix this? What can I tell him to get him back on track?

Answer 1

Your kid has a BIG heart and is living a healthier life by letting his emotions out. I was the same way and I turned out great. Your kid will have a long marriage and be the kind of person people don't mind being around. Let him know that no matter what happens he still showed to be the best. The kids menu tells me that he knows the meaning of value and he would rather have you spend less on him than you have to, my boy is 10 and does the exact same thing not because I tell him to but because he chooses to.

Hug your son every time and tell him he ROCKED and that it wasn't his fault, it was the balls, etc.,. Ask him this question every time: What did you learn from that incident? His answer should be the answer to the question he seeks (WHY?). Let him know that he can use that next time to become better (WE ALL LEARN FROM OUR MISTAKES).

Excellent Question!

Answer 2

First off with the kids meal let him do but get him a little extra maybe a desert or something don't let him stop being a kid that is the last thing you want you to do he is only nine and he doesn't need to grow up too fast. With him and getting upset making a mistake. Keep doing what you are doing praise him when he does a great job at a game when misses a pop fly and you notice he does try to go for it. scream as loud as you can you tried and that's all that matters you can do it i know you can and your doing a fine job letting him know that even pro players make mistakes

Answer 3

I think he has some self-esteem issues. As far as the menu, you can eat off that menu until you are what, 12. I would not push the small stuff. Like the menu, I would try to boost his confidence, let him know that he is becoming a man, and how great he is doing, and if he is really down on himself, tell him a story, even if its made up, about when you missed a ball in a big game, or something.
And on another note, it sound like you are a good dad to him, keep up the good work, some kids are not so lucky!

Answer 4

Possibly this is something you do also. He may not really feel or think this way of himself. This may be a learned behaivor from you or your spouse. When he does things such a crying after missing a goal, your response is very important. If you run to him and say it ok, he is going to continue to react this way. Try to not pay attention to that sort of reaction when you know it is inappropriate. This may strike a nerve with him and see that the crying doesnt get him any where.

Answer 5

Just let him cry then. He's a just kid and will grow out of it. It's healthy for him to be hard on himself. More kids should be. He'll be a disciplined adult and likely to be successful later in life.