My daughter is 17 she lost her dad 11/17/05 he was hit him head on he was killed instantly.She had support from her family & this b/f during this time. Just b4 her dad was killed she broken up with this guy then afterwards it pushed them back together, unfortunately.He doesnt have a good home life & hes a very insecure guy, he is possesive of her and doesnt seem to want her to have friends or especially talk to other guys, but he talks to other girls & has friends. His step dad is not good to him and his father doesnt have a relationship with him and hes such a downer for my daughter & complains all the time, hes negative about things. one saturday she cried all day b/c a friend came over & he got mad b/c she didnt tell b/f that guy had been over here until 5 days had passed, that guy had liked her but hes kind of like extended family to me as my cousin has been his father figure. Her b/f told her if she broke with him again it would be the last time.
2007-02-26 07:56:54 · 22 answers · asked by bex920 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If I make her break up she will just resent me and be more determined to be with him. He is NO GOOD for my daughter and I know the right guy is out there for her. I am not one of these mothers who doesnt think anyone is good enough.
What can I do?
2007-02-26 07:58:20 · update #1
First of all, condolences about your daughter's father.
Secondly, I know that you love your daughter and are very worried about her wellbeing. I know that you feel that this boy is not good for your daughter. I understand that you know there is someone better for her out there... HOWEVER... there's really nothing you can do to make her stop seeing him. Even if she tells you she's broken up with him after you make her, she'll continue seeing him behind your back. The only way they will break up is if they break up on their own. Unfortunately that's the only way.
My mother hated my (ex)boyfriend when I was in high school. She would always tell me to find someone else and that I should break up with him... but she couldn't make me. I had to figure it out on my own (which I eventually did..)
I'm sure your daughter is a very smart girl. Sometimes the only way to help your children is to let them make their own mistakes. All you can really do is be there for her. She'll really love you for that. In the mean time, remind her that no boy is worth feeling miserable all the time. Drop her hints that maybe she should find someone else... but by no means force her to stop seeing him. That will only bring about rebellion and more problems for both of you.
Best wishes. :)
2007-02-26 08:09:39 · answer #1 · answered by Jessica La La Leigh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, I understand your problem except I come from your daugthers side of things. My mom always hated my b/fs and I never seemed to listen to her, and sadly she turned out to be right. Now, I am grown and I am marreid to a wonderful guy whom she approved of and I am very happy. It my experience the less my mom pushed about a not like a guy the more I wanted to be with him.... I am sorry for your loss but sometimes people have to learn the hard way. I would say to her I want you to know you deserve better and I am here for you whenevr you need support and leave it alone. From that moment you let her know how you felt and that you will be there for her. She is 17 and unless she gets pregnant by this guy or something more than likely it will end.
2007-02-26 16:05:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sound like he is verbally abusing her and you should not talk him down to her because she will just want to protect him. Try to encourage her to see him at your house when someone else is around so you can see how they are together and someone else can step in if he is being a jerk to her. You might have one of her uncles talk to him about this. You should also get her some counseling because she is allowing this guy to run her life if she is not allowed to have friends. Take her out of town for the weekend, if you can, to show her what it would be like without him. Ask her to remember your relationship with her dad and how he treated you and talk to her to see if she is afraid of what he will do if they break up. She might be afraid of him.
2007-02-26 16:10:43 · answer #3 · answered by bubbles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is straight from a teenager, so be sure to listen.
Parents to us make us feel like we don't have a life. Nearly every teenager can tell you that. I am not trying to say parents suck, 'cuz parents are the best thing ever in my book.
My point is, you daughter is not going to listen to you. Try to get one of her close friends to get through to her. Or, otherwise, let her learn on her own. That is what teaches us teenage girls the most, is learning things on our own. We are not going to listen to our mother or father about boys. She'll learn on her own, and probably say to you when she grows up that she should've listened to you more often.
2007-02-26 16:02:53 · answer #4 · answered by Ironica 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing that you can really say or do that is going to make her break up with him without resenting you for it. I would say just be there for her for support, and encourage her to see her other friends. She will not leave him until she has had enough herself and is ready to do so. When this time does come, she's going to need lots of support and love from her Mum, so stick in there for her :-)
2007-02-26 16:09:02 · answer #5 · answered by ~*JuLz*~ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can tell you right now, you can't make her break up with him. when i was 16 i was dating a guy and my parents hated him and everytime they tried to tell me i couldn't see him i would just rebel against them. it's a very difficult situation but is she is anything like i was she's going to need to learn the lesson the hard way. most people can't learn from others mistakes until they make them themselves. just try and give her positive reinforcements. maybe have one of her girlfriends talk to her or ask her about it. for some reason when we are young we would rather take advice from someone our own age and that hasn't had any life experience rather than our parents. good luck
2007-02-26 16:04:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do is try to be a blessing in this boys life. Spend time with both of them and do not judge him or your daughter. Stay positive and be sure to set proper boundaries too. Your daughter could be with someone a lot worse ...
2007-02-26 16:02:41 · answer #7 · answered by Summer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will tell you way to get rid of him kick his *** he is no damn good for your daughter. Show your daughter what an *** he is whatever you do do not try to pull them apart with their knowledge if you do they will fight to be together. If you have a girlfriend that has a son around her age find some way to get them together let them become friends that way maybe she will learn what a good guy seems like
2007-02-26 16:05:56 · answer #8 · answered by Dark MInd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it from me, if you tell her that she can't see him, she will do it anyways. My mom told me that I couldn't see this one certain guy, and I pretended that everything was OK for two days, then packed up all of my stuff and moved in with him. Don't do anything drastic. Maybe introduce her to another guy. Girls like to swing from one vine to the other, she won't leave the current boyfriend unless she has someone else to hang on to.
2007-02-26 16:07:52 · answer #9 · answered by Liz F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't make her break up with him. You let her learn on her own. You can't always make the decisions for your daughter. She is 17 and that is old enough to make her own mistakes and learn from them.
If you attempt to break them up you will not only push her into his arms but far far away from you.
This is, now, about trusting the upbringing you gave her.
2007-02-26 16:02:15 · answer #10 · answered by FaerieWhings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋